It may be advisable to brace yourself. I'm emerging from hours of mind-numbing reality TV and about to commence a retrospective of nostalgic things. Exhibit A: Colgate shampoo (with a special nod to the apple and egg options).
Exhibit B: Tinkies. These were an especially desirable junior school lunch commodity (which I seldom enjoyed, on account of my parent's peanut butter sandwich and apple policy).
Exhibit C: Polly Pocket. This overpriced range of childhood toys (along with the canine corollary Puppy In My Pocket) were very trendy in the early 1990s.
Exhibit D: Hula Hoops. The potato treat one could wear as edible rings on little fingers. Another nostalgic foodstuff.
Exhibit E: Tele Fun Quiz. We move from toys and snacks to television nostalgia (the possibilities are seemingly endless). Remember the Tele Fun Quiz with Martin Bailie?
Exhibit F: Suburban Bliss. This series harks back to an arguably naive era of South African television, following political transition to democracy, and in light of rainbow nation rhetoric.
Exhibit G: Santa Barbara. Now, this was a tough call. Soap operas probably warrant a retrospective all of their own. There are so many options: Generations, Isidingo, Egoli, 7de Laan, Muvhango, Scandal, Bold and The Beautiful, Days of Our Lives, Loving and Sunset Beach.
Exhibit H: sticker albums. It seems almost ridiculous now, to think that collating a range of sticky pieces of plastic and paper, trading them and arranging them in a book of plastic and paper could prove such an absorbing pastime, but so it was once upon a time.
Exhibit I: marbles. Collecting them was a competitive sport, and too many hard games in a driveway, on the playground or in the road could seriously dent the value of your collection. I can't recall all the varieties, but I remember there were some very pretty pearly ones.
Exhibit J: Rubik's cube. Nemesis of the impatient, for whom it seemed easier to disassemble and reassemble with the correct colours per side: I present to you the Rubik's cube.
Exhibit K: Tamagotchi. For whatever reasons, this retrospective is currently focused on toys. There was so much hype over Tamagotchis when I was in school that some (gasp) went missing and a full-on investigation was initiated. The culprit(s) were never apprehended.
Exhibit L: Dub. Since I'm going to take a break from the nostalgia overload here, it seems rather fitting to present Dub from Tube TV on SABC 2. You're not alone if when looking at this picture you can hear him say, "Bye... B'bye... Bye..."
Exhibit M: The phone book AKA telephone directory. These tomes were dropped off one a year, and you could look up acquaintances by surname and initial, or guessing that of the head of the household in the case of classmates.
Exhibit N: Telkom's Venus phone. Around - I think - the time landline numbers changed from seven digits to ten, with dialling codes added, these home phones were it.
Exhibit O: Nintento GAME BOY (with a gender specific name that probably wouldn't get sign off today). The grey version was standard, but a range of different colours came out at some stage, and the red one was pretty neat. Those darn cartridge holders usually went missing.
Exhibit P: Space Cases. With space for blunt-nose scissors and a 30 cm ruler. These went through quite the evolution. Tip-Ex annotations and that very nineties jagged 'S' being commonplace features.
Exhibit Q: Sasol Super 100 advertisements. Memoroable moments included the amaglug-glug baby and the windie-windie-windie refrain in a taxi rank.
Exhibit R: The Baker's Man can! Christmas time was when we would get a large box of Choice Assortment. The brand's full range of sweetmeats including Lemon Creams, Romany Creams, Zoo Biscuits, Strawberry Whirls, and blindingly pink wafers.
Exhibit S: Bunnylicks. Perfect for a hot summer's day. One of many tuckshop and corner café offerings: a lolly to make you jolly.
Exhibit T: Rascals. Another tuckshop commodity. FOR DA FLAVOUR DAT NEVER STOPS. There's a rumble in the jungle...
Exhibit U: Salad Valley at Spur. In tough competition with waiters taking orders while kneeling, Chico-the-Clown and sparklers on your birthday and the Spur Secret Tribe. Remember the wooden menu? Probably worth adding a footnote on tropes and First Nation appropriation. 👀
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#StateCaptureInquiry Today's @StateCaptureCom proceedings have begun. Matters concerning former Minister of Finance, Des van Rooyen, are set down for today. Van Rooyen is also scheduled to cross-examine Lungisa Fuzile, former Director General of @TreasuryRSA, for an hour.
#StateCaptureInquiry Advocate Thabani Masuku SC is standing on behalf on Van Rooyen. He describes correspondence from inquiry representatives and the "unusual procedure" proposed for today, namely that Van Rooyen testify first and then have leave to cross-examine Fuzile.
#StateCaptureInquiry "We can see no procedural justification for adopting the approach suggested by my learned friend. We certainly think it is unfair," says Masuku for Van Rooyen. He has referred to the @StateCaptureCom and says Fuzile has not - as yet - completed his evidence.
[CORRECTED] #StateCaptureInquiry Today's @StateCaptureCom proceedings begin. Legal team head Advocate Paul Pretorius SC stands before Chair Deputy Chief Justice Raymond Zondo. Pretorius raises a report by the @PublicProtector, and court papers on a Free State *asbestos* project.
#StateCaptureInquiry "That investigation report has been signed by the investigators and will be referred to in the end," says Pretorius. It contains documents and witness transcripts ands statements. He names the witness: Jacobus Roets as an expert on asbestos.
"It's a risk to life, it's highly dangerous, causes a number of health conditions," says Pretorius of asbestos. "Hundreds of millions of rands have been spent on the project but the asbestos is still there." He says people are still exposed, and Roets will provide more input.
"Well, Mr Shakoana what is the real reason your client wants a postponement [...] why has she not had a full and proper consultation with her legal team from the time she at least knew that the matter would be coming up today?" asks Deputy Chief Justice Raymond Zondo.
#StateCaptureInquiry Zondo notes that Judge Makhubela was sent a letter on 6 July 2020. He says that "we are not talking about a layperson [...] we are talking about a judge" and asks when attorneys were consulted. Advocate Gift Shakoane SC asks for a moment to check.
Zondo says he is surprised that "even this basic information isn't at hand" and says "this is information that should have been ready" and asks again when the attorneys were instructed. Shakoane says he is informed the attorneys were instructed on 15 July 2020.
[HAPPENING NOW] Brigadier Hangwani Mulaudzi opens the briefing and introduces the Head of the Hawks, Lieutenant General Godfrey Lebeya. Mulaudzi indicates the address today will concern VBS alone.
Lebeya begins. He describes the origins of VBS Bank and its development into a mutual bank. He says today the Hawks conducted a simultaneous search and seizure operations in 10 premises in Gauteng and Limpopo.
"Three other suspects are expected to hand themselves today," says Lebeya, and adds one of the suspects (the eighth) has been affected by #COVID19. He says the Hawks have been investigating since August 2018 and a police docket was established in May 2019.
[HAPPENING NOW] Minister in the Presidency @JacksonMthembu_ opens a briefing now by the National Command Council on #coronavirus. He indicates the remarks to follow will provide further detail on level three regulations. He introduces Minister of COGTA Dr Nkosazana @DlaminiZuma.
Dlamini-Zuma says 84 days have lapsed since the first identified case of #coronavirus in South Africa and since then South Africa has been "led by the steady hand" of the President. She names scientists, among others, who have provided input.
"We have also benefited from the overwhelming support we have received from ordinary South Africans," says Dlamini-Zuma. She says they have "largely heeded the call to stay at home" and complied by washing hands, wearing masks, social distancing, etc.
[HAPPENING NOW] Presidency Cyril Ramaphosa begins his address. "The response of South African people to this crisis has been remarkable," he says. "Most South Africans have accepted the restrictions that have been placed on their freedom and their lives," he continues.
Ramaphosa describes different sectors of society which have come forward to accept this national challenge, many of which he says have had to make difficult decisions and sacrifices, which are understood to be necessary for South Africa to emerge from this disaster.
"On behalf of the nation I would also like to thank the health workers of our country," says Ramaphosa, along with teachers, border officials, police and others. He reiterates that "the most effective way to prevent infection is changes in personal behaviour" before listing some.