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John Bull Profile picture
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18 Oct, 4 tweets, 1 min read
Only in CK3 is this a good thing.

Don't worry. The plan is to murder her before she comes of age. twitch.tv/gariusthebrit niece accepting our marriag...
But first, we need to murder her twin sister...
NO. BAD GAME. BAD GAME. Image
I'm starting to worry about Duke Michael. He's spent too much time on Pornhub. Image

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More from @garius

John Bull Profile picture
20 Oct
How I'd write this

MURRAY: Right. We've texted the MPs. To try and pick them off one by one
TUCKER: Texted them?
MURRAY: Yes
TUCKER: Now?
MURRAY: Yes
TUCKER: While they're all standing together, next to Andy fucking Burnham, on fucking LIVE TV?!
MURRAY: Oh
TUCKER: FUCKING 'OH'?!
MURRAY: Okay, that may have been a mistake.
TUCKER: A fucking mistake?! You fucking think so Nicola?
GLENN: They might not show him.
TUCKER: They might not show him?! They might not show little fucking Harry Stark? Or Robb Potter? Or whatever the fuck his internet meme is now?!
GLENN: Well they might not.
TUCKER: Well I tell you what Glenn, why don't I turn on the TV and... oh look.
GLENN: Oh.
TUCKER: Oh yes. Glenn. Welcome to the fucking 'Oh' club. Current members: You two and fucking Skeletors minions.
Read 17 tweets
John Bull Profile picture
20 Oct
Oh no.

He's "helping" again.
Now in stereovision.
Turned up, tried to eat my snacks, disrupted my work, now snoozing on his office chair.

Must be senior management. Sleeping kitty curled up on...
Read 5 tweets
John Bull Profile picture
19 Oct
Never wake a sleeping dragon. Snoozing curled up kitty.
This morning i heard the neighbour's car pull away, then two minutes later he was scratching at the door.

Opened it, and he just walked past me. Hopped up on the footstool and started snoring.

Not even subtle. 😄
On the plus side, just took some rubbish out and noticed that their dog was enjoying the rare opportunity to sleep in the sunbeam in their front window.

Normally he loses that fight with the cat, I've noticed.
Read 9 tweets
John Bull Profile picture
12 Oct
Nah:

FATIMA

Fatima is a ballerina at the RO by day, and secretly one of the world's leading hackers by night.

One day, a routine hack to take down a husband who is illegally tracking his wife goes wrong when it turns out that man is a royal, and now the state wants her dead.
Fatima lives in Stevenage. When a government assassin attempting to take out Fatima kills her roommate instead, Colm Meaney is the world-weary detective who investigates, and soon realises that everything isn't quite what it seems...

And to protect her while he tries to find out the TRUE people behind the attempts to kill her, he points her in the direction of the only man who can help...

retired mob-fixer Karl Urban.
Read 4 tweets
John Bull Profile picture
12 Oct
Sad but not surprised that what I said here has proven to be correct so far about the Spitting Image reboot.

Satire has to reflect the power imbalances of the time, and prey on the worries of its political targets. That's being seen to be crap now. Not shock. They REVEL in shock
Frankly this mob will just be wanking themselves silly over the fact that they've made it onto Spitting Image at all.

They'll remember its peak with Thatcher, Major et al. and be thinking:

"Look at me! I'm big league now!"

This is what they dreamed of in posh school six form.
"Oh yes, delighted to see a good old-fashioned British tradition back on our screens. A real HONOUR to be on it. Oh I don't watch it, but I've seen some clips and it looks terribly funny."

etc. etc.

Guarantee you.
Read 8 tweets
John Bull Profile picture
1 Oct
Right. It's 11pm. And I'm a bit pissed. So, given half of you follow me for management tips, gonna tell you about the best manager I ever had. how an ex-army guy sorted my stupid shit out. And how I regret to this day I never got to tell him: "thank you"
So flash back to about 2002 and the web is new. I'd been doing it since 1996 but for fun. You couldn't get a degree in this shit then, because no one cared. But by the time I graduated with a history degree it's hot shit.

I end up being hired by the government. CIVIL SERVANT, YO
I will not bore you with my path through that. WILL say though that if you have non-natural hair colour though and work in the civil service them you have me to thank for that. I had purple hair. They needed to hire me. The Cabinet Office changed the Civil Service code for me. 😁
Read 21 tweets

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