Thread by @TheOperaGeek

Oh no I'm back at it again

Oh dear

Buckle up

"No civil police force could hold out against an irate and resolute population. The trick is not to let them realize that. Yes?”
― Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals
(Lord Vetenari, ruminating on policing a la Vimes)

#Discworld

“When people who can write and read fight for other people who lack that knowledge, the result is just a new kind of stupidity. If you want to do something for them, build a library somewhere and leave the door open.”
- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

#Discworld

“Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate.”
― Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

Me: *looks at news, gives deadpan stare to audience*

#Discworld

“Money is all you can think about when all you have is a price, Carrot said.”
― Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

#Discworld

“Plans can break down. You cannot plan the future. Only presumptuous fools plan. The wise man steers.”
― Terry Pratchett, Making Money

#Discworld

“When you have been a possession,
then you really understand what freedom means
in all its magnificent terror.”
― Terry Pratchett, Making Money

#Discworld

“The trouble with life was that you didn’t get a chance to practice before doing it for real.”
― Terry Pratchett, Pyramids

#Discworld

“People needed to believe in gods, if only because it was so hard to believe in people.”
― Terry Pratchett, Pyramids

#Discworld

“Everything that was magical was just a way of describing the world in words it couldn’t ignore.”
― Terry Pratchett, Pyramids

#Discworld

“If you kept changing the way people saw the world, you ended up changing the way you saw yourself.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

#Discworld

“It's lies. It's all lies. Some of them are just prettier than others, that's all. People see what they think is there.”
― Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

#Discworld

In honor of my dad...🤣

“It's not lying when you do it to officers!”
― Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

#Discworld

“I am a bundle of suppressed instincts held together with spit and coffee.”
― Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

#Discworld

“The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.”
― Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

#Discworld

“What was it they said about the gods? They wouldn’t exist if there weren’t people to believe in them? And that applied to everything. Reality was what went on inside people’s heads.”
― Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

#Discworld

(Forgive if I repeat myself. I have a lot of these quotes, and this thread is out of hand, and I'm too stubborn to check them all against each other.)

“It doesn't stop being magic just because you know how it works.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

#Discworld

“She heard him mutter, 'Can you take away this grief?'
'I'm sorry,' she replied. 'Everyone asks me. And I would not do so even if I knew how. It belongs to you. Only time and tears take away grief; that is what they are for.”
― Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight

#Discworld

“The past needs to be remembered. If you do not know where you come from, then you don’t know where you are, and if you don’t know where you are, then you don’t know where you’re going.”
― Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight

#Discworld

“And there are always those who would rather be behind evil than in front of it.”
― Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight

#Discworld

This one.

“I have seen horrible things, and some of them all the more horrible because they were, well, normal.”
― Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight

#Discworld

And now a few from the one I've been avoiding. If you haven't read Shepherd's Crown...well...spoilers.

This is the last book that made me cry. Big cry.

“Alas for us, our dreams came true.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

#Discworld

“FOR I CAN SEE THE BALANCE AND YOU HAVE LEFT THE WORLD MUCH BETTER THAN YOU FOUND IT, AND IF YOU ASK ME, said Death.
NOBODY COULD DO ANY BETTER THAN THAT. . . .”
― Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

#Discworld

“Witches know that people die; and if they manages to die after a long time, leavin’ the world better than they went an’ found it, well then, that’s surely a reason to be happy. All the rest of it is just tidyin’ up.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

#Discworld

dammit not again stupid feelings

"Many people will help other people, just because, well, because they are other people. That's how it goes.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

#Discworld

“And at the end of time, living is about fightin’ against everything.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

#Discworld

“And Granny Weatherwax said, “I was younger when I last danced with you. But I am old now. There will be no more dances for me.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

#Discworld

Yep there go the waterworks

I'm going to move on to another book now, because as ridiculous as it sounds, I know - it felt like losing a dear friend.
And the scene with Esme and Death just felt like a goodbye. Not from Esme, but from the author.

“Sometimes the only thing you could do for people was to be there.”
― Terry Pratchett, Soul Music

#Discworld

“But this didn't feel like magic. It felt a lot older than that. It felt like music.”
― Terry Pratchett, Soul Music

#Discworld

Ha, it me

“I MAY HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF SOME FLICKER OF EMOTION IN THE RECENT PAST, said Death, BUT I CAN GIVE IT UP ANY TIME I LIKE.”
― Terry Pratchett, Soul Music

#Discworld

“In my experience, what every true artist wants, really wants, is to be paid.”
― Terry Pratchett, Soul Music

THIS
IS
C O R R E C T

#Discworld

“There are millions of chords. There are millions of numbers. And everyone forgets the one that is a zero. But without the zero, numbers are just arithmetic. Without the empty chord, music is just noise.”
― Terry Pratchett, Soul Music

#Discworld

“It is said that whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. In fact, whomsoever they wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse & Acme Dynamite written on the side. It's more interesting, and doesn't take so long.”
― Soul Music

“Once people get the idea that they can listen to music for nothing, where will it end?”
― Terry Pratchett, Soul Music

*deadpan stare from Kelli*

#Discworld

“Sometimes thinking is like talking to another person, but that person is also you.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

#Discworld

“People like that don't need a reason apart from "because I can". They have a nightmare and try to make it happen.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

#Discworld

(and that is all for today. sorry if you are bored. but frankly, if you are bored, you aren't reading this. and if discworld bores you, h*ck you anyway)

"I am learning that worth is something that must be continuously accumulated."
- Mr. Nutt (aka one of the greatest characters written when seen as an allegory for overcoming the demons inside your head), Unseen Academicals

#Discworld

"I ain't against gods and goddesses, in their place. But they've got to be the ones we make ourselves. Then we can take 'em to bits for the parts when we don't need 'em anymore, see?"
- Granny Weatherwax, Lords and Ladies

#Discworld

Probably the last sound heard before the Universe folded up like a paper hat would be someone saying, "What happens if I do this?"
- Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent

#Discworld

"You see, cheese makes money. And opera doesn't. Opera's what you spend money ON.
"But...what do you get out of it?"
"Opera. You put money in, & opera comes out."
"There's no profit?"
"Profit, profit...No, I don't believe I've come across the word."

- Terry Pratchett. Maskerade

(last one was edited very slightly to fit. Also, EXCEEDINGLY TRUE)

"Money don't buy happiness, Gytha."

"I only wanted to rent it for a few weeks."

- Granny Weatherwax & Nanny Ogg, on finances. (Maskerade)

#Discworld

"It was such a relief to be right, even though you knew you'd only got there by trying every possible way to be wrong."
- Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

#Discworld

(incidentally, someone asked me why I keep up this thread. A couple reasons...
1. Terry Pratchett is my favorite author. Bar none. I want more people to read his books.

and

B) These books have helped me in some very dark times. Maybe these will help someone else.)

"Only crimes could take place in darkness. Punishment had to be done in the light."
- Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

#Discworld

"Either All Days Are Holy, Or None Are. I Have Not Decided Yet."
- Dorfl, on religion (Feet of Clay)

#Discworld

"You can't give her that!" she screamed. "It's not safe!"
IT'S A SWORD. said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
"She's a child!" shouted Crumley.
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
"What if she cuts herself?
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.
- DEATH as the (Hogfather)

#Discworld

IT IS...UNFAIR.
"That's life, master."
BUT I'M NOT.
"I meant, this is how it's supposed to go, master."
NO. YOU MEAN THIS IS *HOW IT GOES*.
- Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

#Discworld

When you hear the bang, there's no time to wonder how long the little fuse has been fizzing.
- Terry Pratchett, Jingo

#Discworld

"And, of course, any citizen has the right to bear arms. Bear that in mind, please."
"Arms is one thing. Holding weapons in 'em and playing soldiers is another."
- Terry Pratchett, Jingo

*Kelli gives deadpan stare to camera*

#Discworld

Theft was the only crime, whether the loot was gold, innocence, land, or life.
- Terry Pratchett, Jingo

#Discworld

Everything was a test. Everything was a competition. Life put them in front of you every day. You watched yourself all the time. You had to make choices. You never got told which ones were right.
- Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum

#Discworld

“Many people find faith a great solace,” he said.
“Good.”
“Really? [...]
“It’s not my place to tell ’em what to believe, if they act decent.”
“But it’s not something you feel drawn to perhaps, in the darker hours?”
“No. I’ve already got a hot water bottle.”
- Carpe Jugulum

Character assassination. What a wonderful idea. Ordinary assassination only works once, but this one works every day.
- Terry Pratchett, The Truth

#Discworld

A chocolate you did not want to eat does not count as chocolate. This discovery is from the same branch of culinary physics that determined that food eaten while walking along contains no calories.
- Thief of Time

(I am Kelli, & I approve of this message)

#Discworld

Everyone has a conditional clause in their life, some little unspoken addition to the rules like, “Except when I really need to,” or “Unless no one is looking,” or, indeed, “Unless the first one was nougat.”
- Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

#Discworld

I have no use for people who have learned the limits of the possible.
- Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

#Discworld

“It’d take a miracle!”
“There’s always hope.”
“So? There’s always taxes, too. It doesn’t make any difference.”
- Terry Pratchett, The Last Hero

People said things like “Quite possibly we shall never know the truth" which meant, in Vimes’s personal lexicon, “I know, or think I know what the truth is, & hope like hell it doesn’t come out, because things are smoothed over now.“
- Vimes translates human nature, Night Watch

Nothing’s louder than the end of a song that’s always been there.
- Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

“The thing about witchcraft,” said Mistress Weatherwax, “is that it’s not like school at all. First you get the test, and then afterward you spend years findin’ out how you passed it. It’s a bit like life in that respect.”
- Granny Weatherwax, Wee Free Men

That was another thing you learned in the milit’ry: look busy. Look busy and no one worried too much about what you were busy at.
- Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

It’s hard to be an ornithologist and walk through a wood when all around you the world is shouting: “Bugger off, this is my bush! Aargh, the nest thief! Have sex with me, I can make my chest big and red!”
- Monstrous Regiment

(heck, I wish I knew an ornithologist to tag)

It is always upsetting to find that the enemy is as bright as you.
- Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

(time to drive home.
a small note...I started this thread when I was very angry at the world, so I used mostly deep quotes. I'm still angry at the world, but we can all use some humor occasionally. I hope you laughed at the funny ones.)

“I want to eat chocolates in a great big room where the world is a different place.”
― Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

A special one for tomorrow. So...can we all make sure the world- at least the US - is a different place Wednesday?

I'll stock up on chocolate.

“Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?”
― Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

...apparently. Or at least a hateful, ignorant majority of them.

I am disgusted.

#Discworld

The trouble with gods is that after enough people start believing in them, they begin to exist. And what begins to exist isn't what was originally intended.

- Terry Pratchett, Pyramids

#Discworld

Death paused.
YOU HAVE PERHAPS HEARD THE PHRASE, he said, THAT HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE?
‘Yes. Yes, of course.’
Death nodded. IN TIME, he said, YOU WILL LEARN THAT IT IS WRONG.
- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

#Discworld

The Empire's got something worse than whips, all right. It's got obedience. Whips in the soul. They obey anyone who tells them what to do. Freedom just means being told what to do by someone different.
- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

#Discworld

"You Say To People ‘Throw Off Your Chains!'...And They Make New Chains For Themselves?"
"Seems to be a major human activity, yes."
- Feet of Clay

#Discworld

As I've said before, this is one of the single greatest and simplest allegories for mental health I've ever read.

At least for mine. And some days, that anvil weighs more than you can ever lift.

#Discworld

“The trouble with life was that you didn’t get a chance to practice before doing it for real.”
― Terry Pratchett, Pyramids

Nor, may I add, a do-over when you want it. Ha.

#Discworld

“Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn’t believing. It’s where belief stops, because it isn’t needed anymore.”
― Terry Pratchett, Pyramids

#Discworld

“It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny.”
― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

*looks at her dice rolls*

*deadpan to the audience*

#Discworld

“...no-one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away... The span of someone's life, they say, is only the core of their actual existence.”
― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

And oh, how far some of those ripples reach.

#Discworld #GNU

“People said that there was one law for the rich and one law for the poor, but it wasn't true. There was no law for those who made the law, and no law for the incorrigibly lawless.”
― Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

#Discworld

"Only crimes could take place in darkness. Punishment had to be done in the light.”
― Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

#Discworld

“The real world was far too real to leave neat little hints. It was full of too many things. It wasn’t by eliminating the impossible that you got at the truth, however improbable; it was by the much harder process of eliminating the possibilities.”
― Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

at some point i'm gonna have to stop this thread

but that day is not today

“Humanity's a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

#Discworld

“People whose wishes get granted often don't turn out to be very nice people.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

#Discworld

“It is true that words have power, and one of the things they are able to do is get out of someone’s mouth before the speaker has the chance to stop them.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

...not that I, Kelli, know ANYTHING about doing exactly this.

#Discworld

“This is Art holding a Mirror up to Life. That’s why everything is exactly the wrong way around.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

#Discworld

“Actors had a habit of filling all the space around them.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

#Discworld

"We died for lies, for centuries we died for lies."
He waved a hand towards the god. "Now we've got a truth to die for!"

"No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for."
- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

#Discworld

“Belief, he says. Belief shifts. People start out believing in the god and end up believing in the structure.”
― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

#Discworld

The hardest part of this thread, tbh, is there are whole SCENES that literally everyone should read. The final pages of Small Gods are...well...you know what?

Buy it and read them yourself. :)

“The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking.”
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN CONFIRM

#Discworld

“The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.”
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

#Discworld

Okies that is enough for today.

Honestly, I'd love it if this thread made people go out and buy the books or listen to the audiobooks. Do pop in and say if you do. :)