Thread by @delaneykingrox

Hey Skydaddy, I noticed you created me... what's the deal with that?

-I want you to worship me.

-you got some spinny eyeball angels around your throne doing that. Why me?

-I want you to do it of your own free will.

-Seems fair.

-or I will burn you for all eternity.

-...

-okay but if I worship you not of my free will I don't get punished, right?

-oh no, I will know.

-...

-I know everything.

-but free will requires...

-see? I knew you were going to say that.

-...freedom of...

-I like face lice. Don't you? I think everyone should have them.

-So I have to worship you nd want to worship you, right?

-yes. Oh and be good.

-just to clarify, by being good you mean...

-following my rules.

-which are?

-hahaha You're gonna love this bit. I put them into a book.

-oh handy.

-but they like, totally conflict and stuff.

-okay, so I got through the guide book.

-what do you think?

-I think you are utterly insane. Rape, slavery, murder, torture, robbery, plagues, disasters, cruelty... I felt sick to my stomach.

-which version did you read?

-wait... what?

-oh, I thought, one good book deserves another... hundred or so.

-and they are all different.

-yeah. Isn't it great? So yeah, face lice... but I am not gonna give them anuses, so they just fill up with poop and explode on your face. Hahaha Oh, did I tell you about mangoworms?

-look, I am not sure I get the rules of this game. So... maybe instead of... uh... whatever this books says, I am just going to try and be nice to people, not harm anyone and help them when I can.

-and worship me?

-why do you need all this praise? Do you have low self esteem?

-look, I love you. You are my creation and I am brimming with love for you.

-awww.

-but I will fucking burn the shit out of you. Lolz.

- wait... I just had a thought...

-ooh, free will... go on.

-By telling me that if I am not a selfless person, you have damned me. I cannot have free will in choosing between heaven or hell... knowing the rules removes my free will. Thus, preachers are actually damning people, spreading the very information that breaks the game

-huh

Unless there is another game being played here... a meta game where the actual rules involve all this... well, bullshit is thrown at us to measure our worth deciphering the good from the bad.

Blind faith is therefore the will to ignorance, and the real truth is in looking past

-so... do I get my praise then?

-lets face it God, we both know I am only gonna do that during sex.

Heh. I don't even smoke pot.

*shrugs*

Side note: yes, there are loce currently on your face and they do indeed explode when they fill with poop.

Mangoworms are awful parasites that mass burrow into dogs and slowly kill them.

Praise god.

*lice.