1) New. 2) Scarcity. 3) Ambiguity. 4) Criticism from trusted or untrusted sources. 5) Not knowing what to do/having to do something.
I suspect we're in for a stouche this next week or more.
Breathe deep, leaders.
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Now is the time to practice Differentiation of Self.
A simple 3 column list is helpful:
What is mine to carry?
What is theirs?
What is God's?
First column is your responsibility, second two columns are what you pray for.
Also
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In the face of significant personal and cultural anxiety, it pays to put some life giving activity in the bank. You'll no doubt be spending that account down in the next few months.
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Serious questions
When is the next possible time to:
- do something life giving for 15 minutes?
- 60 minutes?
- half a day?
- a whole day?
Your calendar is your friend. Schedule it and do it.
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For me, I can give a day per month to life giving activity and still get a lot of work done that day. If it is sermon prep day or study day, a 1 hour drive somewhere with podcast or music or prayer, a walk, a nice lunch and a drive back.
The rest of the time is work.
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Its amazing how more productive I am when I build life giving activities into my work day.
How about it leader? We're still in the marathon, not sure when the end is, but likely not soon. Now is the time to pour in and enjoy God amidst the madness and challenge of 2020.
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Murray Bowen predicated 'societal regression' in the 1950s - the simple concept that anxiety is contagious in groups, therefore it spreads in societies. Our society's anxiety feels at a breaking point. We need leaders with calm presence and resolve more than ever.
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Step 1 is noticing when we are getting infected by the anxiety of others.
Step 2 is to pause and reflect before acting. I know being 'proactive' is a huge part of strong leadership, but stronger leadership is actually, 'pause and reflect before moving.'
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Sometimes action and git 'er done is a sign of anxiety in a leadership.
Step 3 is to clarify values. What are you social media behavior values? How do you stay connected to hostile and anxious people? It takes real work.
What is the simplest way to move into calm, aware presence? 4 steps in 4 tweets.
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1. Pay attention to the space inside you and become hyper aware of what is going on, what triggers you etc.
When we notice and name our triggers, we move from being in their grip to having them in ours. Then we can pause and give them to God. Easier tweeted than done.
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2. Give equal attention to the space between you and another. Pay special attention to recurring, predictable patterns between you. Define your contribution to the problem. What 'more of the same' and 'try harder' are you applying that is not working or making it worse?
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One of the most powerful ways to practice #differentiation is through the lens of responsibility.
What is mine to carry, what is theirs, what is God's?
Not an easy question to answer, but always worth a pause and reflection.
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When we're in anxiety's grip, we tend toward hiding, avoiding or blaming or, yikes, the trifecta of all three.
But practicing differentiation forces us to clarify responsibility. The authors of Scripture remind us again and again that we can control one thing: self.
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So we can make a list of the things we are anxious about and then a check box set of columns. How much control do I have over what I am anxious about? Lots? Some? None?
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The excellent @thebowencenter posted on their FB wall an excellent 'check list' of anxiety. We could all do to pause, and check ourselves against this list:
Dial up the anxiety, and people start to:
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• Become increasingly suspicious.
• Feel more sensitive when others disagree.
• Provoke people to get a reaction.
• Block out information that challenges their view.
• Discard their beliefs to please the group.
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• Act helpless.
• Label one person as the problem.
• Alternate between attacking and avoiding problems.
• View problems as more simplistic than they actually are.
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If you're stuck in a recurring, predictable toxic pattern with someone, your temptation is to focus on them - all the things they are doing to make it worse. But #SystemsTheory teaches us to take responsibility for what we can own. By pausing, we can break toxic patterns.
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Rather than spend energy on 'them' you can pause and run a few powerful steps.
1. Map out the actual problem.
Many people stay stuck because they haven't clarified the ACTUAL problem. Sometimes a 'problem' is actually 5 interrelated problems.
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Our KidMin was struggling with volunteers cancelling on Sat night. That feels like the problem, but when you tease it out, it is several interrelated problems.
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