Thread by @stevecusswords

One of the most powerful ways to practice #differentiation is through the lens of responsibility.

What is mine to carry, what is theirs, what is God's?

Not an easy question to answer, but always worth a pause and reflection.

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When we're in anxiety's grip, we tend toward hiding, avoiding or blaming or, yikes, the trifecta of all three.

But practicing differentiation forces us to clarify responsibility. The authors of Scripture remind us again and again that we can control one thing: self.

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So we can make a list of the things we are anxious about and then a check box set of columns. How much control do I have over what I am anxious about? Lots? Some? None?

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I have found the 'none' column to be the basis of many prayers :) "And now, Lord, to those matters you alone can work...."

But also.....

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Many of us carry anxiety because we are over functioning or under functioning. I can tend to swing wildly between them. Trying to do, do, do, for all, all, all and then getting frustrated, moving into self pity etc and swinging to wild disengagement.

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In Family Systems Theory, this is known as 'cutoff' and for people who tend to get enmeshed in the lives of others, they can be tempted to move from highly enmeshed to cut off. This leaves people confused as from their POV, you are the one who suddenly changed.

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But from your POV, you've been tolerating, going the extra mile, letting them get away with etc etc and when you finally say 'enough' they say, 'why did you suddenly change? Things were fine.'

But things were never fine.

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You were keeping uneasy peace. You were paying the price to keep the relationship stable. You were doping extra, covering over, making excuses for.

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Over functioning/under functioning patterns are common and we can all fall into them. The challenge is to differentiate before they get too stuck, too rigid and predictable.

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So the questions for today:

1) What are you trying to control that God is inviting you to trust God with?

2) Are you over functioning to keep an uneasy peace?

3) How is your reactivity level?

4) What 3 min - 30 min thing can you do to displace anxiety and pressure?

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