[THREAD] let’s talk about parent fighting and the impact it has on children as they grow up. Parent fighting is kind of like the elephant in the room in every family. It happens very often, at times also in very abusive ways. So how does that impact mental health?
While some parents may try to have their arguments when kids are not around, most parents don’t really do that. They often argue or fight in front of their children or even use their kids and put them in the middle of these situations.
In an earlier thread, we talked about the home being the main environment for early socialization and what children learn in those environments shape them all the way into their adulthood. When they see their parents fighting, it creates a lot of anxiety.
It also remove their sense of safety and that can show in their behaviours. Some kids may withdraw because of that fear. Others may imitate their parents and start shouting to get attention because they see their parents doing that to each other.
Young children do not have the developmental capacity to deal in a rational way with these fights. They don’t know what is happening and cannot really comprehend it. When they are put in the middle, they may agree with each parent just to end the situation.
It is important to remember that even as toddlers, they can read facial expressions. That’s how they know whether their caregiver is in a good mood or not. When a caregiver is upset or crying, it highly distresses toddlers and that can have a negative impact on their development.
When these fights happen too often, it can lead to a lot of trauma and complex PTSD, which requires therapy to recover from. On top of that, those fights open a doorway for depression and helplessness to kick in because the kids don’t know how to solve these situations.
Fights doesn’t necessarily mean only shouting, even loud whispers, door slams, muttering under our breaths can create that negative impact on mental health. Obviously, couples will have arguments from time to time. That’s inevitable. But there are some ways to protect kids.
You can solve your problems when kids are in school or not at home, in a calm manner (for the sake of parents’ mental health as well). Shouting and abusive behaviours doesn’t solve the root cause anyway. If that doesn’t work, then perhaps it is time to go to couples counselling.
There are solutions to fix problems. If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, it may be better for you and your kids to leave the situation even if you have to live with relatives temporarily until the single parent can find a job.
Relationships can be very hard at times. But it is important to remember that kids deserve to feel safe at home and cannot analyze properly what is happening. They don’t deserve to be in the middle of these situations.
It will create problems that they will spend time and money fixing later in life with trauma, anxiety, depression, phobias, etc...Please consider the impact and implications of fighting in front of your kids. Prevention is the best form of treatment.
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