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Tea Pain

14 Nov, 10 tweets, 2 min read

MINI-THREAD on Trump's mysterious appeal.

1) Tea Pain is still wrappin' his flag-hat festooned head around the mystery that is Donald Trump. America has just witnessed the most disastrous and failure-rich four years of any modern presidency.

2) By every measurable metric, this election should have been a one-sided, WWE smackdown butt whippin', but somehow it was still relatively close. Tea is left askin' the eternal question, "Why?" What is it that makes Trump unswervingly popular with 47% of Americans?

3) Many people suggest racism as the root cause, but Tea Pain ain't prepared to accept the fact that half of Americans are white supremacists. If you analyze the content of Trump's stump speeches, they're the Holy Trinity of White Grievance: racism, fear and division.

4) But is there a simpler explanation? Is there some finer essence where racism, fear and division find purchase? Have you ever heard a MAGA say "He says what I think?" Once you get past the terrifyin' implications of such a declaration, you start to find the key

5) that unlocks the MAGA mystery. Is there a simpler, more primal reason that allows Trump to kill 250,000 Americans without losin' an iota of support? Tea Pain believes there is.

6) It boils down to a concept so simple, we often overlook it. Trump gives his followers permission to be their "worst selves." Not only does he give permission, he GLORIFIES it. Your failures become successes. Weaknesses become strengths. Wrongs become right.

7) This couldn't be clearer when it comes to the Messiah-like reverence he receives from Evangelicals. Followin' Jesus is hard. Studyin' Scripture, lovin' your enemies, takin' care of the sick and widows and embracin' folks unlike you is a heavy lift for most folks.

8) But here comes Trump sayin' all that Christ-like behavior is for suckers and losers. He casts off the heavy yolk of basic human decency, enablin' the spark of the primal, tribal self to ignite and turn into a bonfire of the vanities.

9) Think about it. How many times have you tried to do the right thing, but secretly fantasized givin' your "id" the car keys and lettin' it go on a morality-free joy ride? Trump doesn't trigger this mutinous meth-high in everyone, just every other one.

10) There really ain't a lot of difference between decent, upstandin' citizens and MAGAs. MAGAs are just regular folks that have decided to let themselves go.

Yeah, it's that simple. Trumpism is popular because it's easy. <eot>

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More from @TeaPainUSA

Tea Pain

@TeaPainUSA

8 Nov

Mini-Thread on Pardons. Tea woke up gamin' this out in his head. Here's some possible pardon scenarios.

1) Trump pardons himself. This would be fought all the way to #SCOTUS. 50/50 chance SCOTUS let's it stand so it might be a little risky. This leaves Pence on his own.

2) Trump resigns, then Pence pardons him. This would be the most "legal" approach, and mirrors what Ford did for Nixon. The biggest difference, however, is Pence may be complicit in some of Trump's criminal behavior and he'd be left twistin' in the wind.

3) Here's a novel approach. Trump pardons Pence, then resigns. Pence returns the favor and pardons Trump. This would naturally be met with court battles but it's the best chance of protectin' both Trump and Pence.

Read 4 tweets

Tea Pain

@TeaPainUSA

1 Nov

MINI-THREAD

1) This week we saw one of the most disgustin' aspects of Trumpism rear it's ugly head. In Texas, an armed MAGA caravan of vehicles intercepted a Biden-Harris campaign bus and attempted to run it off the road.

2) Calls to Trump-friendly police for help were met with the response, "not our jurisdiction." At least one of the Biden campaign's vehicles received damaged as a Trump-flag-wavin' black pick-up attempted to force it into another lane at high speed.

3) To add insult to injury, Trump posted footage of the event on his Twitter feed, praisin' the crime with "I love Texas!" Can you imagine that? An American "president" exaultin' the criminal behavior of a vigilante mob that could have easily resulted in the deaths of dozens?

Read 7 tweets

Tea Pain

@TeaPainUSA

24 Oct

MINI-THREAD on votin'.

1) When Tea Pain goes to vote, he leaves his 1984 Winnebago Brave and takes a 3 minute stroll to the Gizzard Ridge Baptist Church. Since Tea Pain first voted in 1995, there's never been a line.

2) That's most likely because Gizzard Ridge has a population of less than 60 folks. Think about that. 60 folks have a pollin' place all to themselves. Compare that to Houston, Texas, where a county of over 4 million people have to share a single early votin' drop box.

3) When Tea walks through the door, he's always greeted by Irv Pence, Gizzard Ridge's poll manager for the past 42 years. Tea never has to produce a photo ID cause Irv's known Tea since he was a little critter.

Read 7 tweets

Tea Pain

@TeaPainUSA

26 Sep

MINI-THREAD:

1) If you believed there was gonna be a terrorist attack at a particular sportin' event, you would definitely not go, right?

That's what Trump is doin' with this election. He tellin' every American 6 weeks in advance he's gonna steal it through the courts.

2) Why is he doin' this, when he has only a tiny chance of this plan succedin'? Why is he leakin' conversations in swing states of replacin' faithful electors with Trump loyalists that will overthrow the will of the people?

3) Crooks, at least smart ones, never reveal their plans ahead of time so the authorities can be prepared for their nefarious acts, so why is Trump shoutin' his maniacal plan from the mountaintop of national television?

One simple reason: Voter Suppression

Read 4 tweets

Tea Pain

@TeaPainUSA

22 Sep

MINI-THREAD

1) America has 60 days to decide if we restore our once-great democracy or become an oligarchy state.

The GOP is 100% behind Trump because their only hope to hold power is through compromisin' our election with Trump and Russia's help.

2) If you recall what the 2000 election was like, that will be civil and polite in comparison to what we are about to face. There will be no peaceful surrender of power.

3) We've been sayin' "Trump will burn it all down rather than go peacefully", but now we see the entire GOP will burn it down for him.

Tea Pain is sharin' this with you, not to alarm you, but to prepare you for the loomin' reality ahead.

Read 8 tweets

Tea Pain

@TeaPainUSA

16 Sep

MINI-THREAD:

1) Lots of folks seem amazed how Trump can be so incompetent and repulsive, yet the race appear so tight. Tea lives in North Central Arkansas where it's about as MAGA as MAGA gets, but he's been talkin' to a lotta folks around town.

2) When Tea's down at the the Skid Mark, Gizzard Ridge's local (and only) waterin' hole, it's usually packed wall to wall with Trump-smoochers, but Tea's been experiencin' some mighty unusual election season phenomena.

3) Turns out, lots of these Trumpers will say they're votin' for Trump around their other Trump-lovin' friends, but when they's alone with Tea Pain, they tell another story.

Seems most of 'em are embarrassed and emotionally wrung out from 4 years of non-stop Trumpiness.

Read 5 tweets

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