Thread by @SoozUK

THREAD: Every weekend @trecoolx @JaneCNolan @ArranNZ and ya ol' pal Sooz watch a dreadful movie over Zoom and last night it was the turn of 1994's Disclosure.

It's incredibly sexist but also SO WEIRD!

We open on a perfect family in their perfect family home. Michael Douglas is the dad and he has toothpaste on his tie and also his suit is really baggy and awful but that's probably a 1994 thing rather than anything to do with his character. His hair is like a lion's mane.

Donald Sutherland is his boss at the IT company (did I mention this film is VERY expensive? It's based on a book by Michael "Jurassic Park" Crichton and Barry Levinson directs!) and he's gonna retire and Michael Douglas reckons he will get promoted to head of CD-ROM stuff (1994).

He DOESN'T get promoted though and neither does some older lady he talks to. DEMI MOORE takes over as head of CD-ROMs! She is really sexy, 18 years younger than Michael Douglas and apparently he broke her heart. He is SO PEEVED.

Oh, and btw he taps his female underling on the arse with some files but she is fine with it, SHE LAUGHS, GOD, why is everyone getting so "HEY!" about this, SHE LAUGHS.

The tech company is building some sort of...I dunno, it's so boring...VR file-hiding system? I didn't fully understand it. I'd been led to believe this would be one of those early 90s erotic thrillers but they talk about 1994 computer stuff A LOT.

After work Michael Douglas goes up to Demi Moore's office. He shows her pictures of his family and says his wife is fat. He's such a nice guy just like the movie is telling us. Here he is with his wife:

Demi Moore says her shoulders are tired and asks Michael Douglas to massage her and he's like "lol ok". But SHE'S the boss and HE doesn't have any POWER! This is a film about sexual harassment but it's a woman doing it and it's gonna shine a light on how terrible women are!

Demi Moore surprises Michael Douglas by trying to have sex with him but he IMMEDIATELY rebuffs her after just some kissing, butt-grabbing, boob-feeling and blow-J. He IMMEDIATELY stops all this after that. He also rips off her underwear which surely would be really difficult irl.

Again, I SWEAR this movie is held up as some sort of classic of the "erotic 90s thriller" boom but this is the ONE sexual scene, just Michael Douglas going "omg don't haha oh ok then no wait actually don't bye" while Demi Moore finds him IRRESISTIBLE. Also, there is zero nudity.

Michael Douglas heads home and notices he has deep scratches on his chest. They look like they were made by one of Crichton's dinosaurs but UH OH now he has to wear a t-shirt to bed.

The beginning of this movie btw had a title card that said MONDAY so all this happened on Monday. The film will end on Friday evening. You will feel like you're watching the movie in real time.

Michael Douglas is in a lift with Donald Sutherland. Donald Sutherland likes the suit Michael Douglas is wearing then goes to kiss him! WHAT!?

It's just Michael Douglas having a nightmare and he wakes up going "AAAGGGHHH!!!!".

This was in a script and everyone said "yeah fine".

TUESDAY! Demi Moore has filed a sexual harassment complaint against Michael Douglas! They say they'll relocate him to Austin. THAT'S IN TEXAS! And that branch is being sold after the upcoming merger so he'll lose his job. The film talks about mergers A LOT.

Michael Douglas gets an email from 'A FRIEND' whoa mysterious. It tells him to hire a particular lawyer who deal with sexual harassment etc. So he does. The lawyer is a WOMAN. This film really comments on gender roles in some way that I can't quite see.

Michael Douglas decides to countersue the company (it's called DigiCom, fuck this movie) coz Demi Moore sexually harassed HIM.

WEDNESDAY! Michael Douglas has a mediation session with Demi Moore and her lawyer and also brings his wife who has to listen to Demi Moore say "he told me about his fat wife". This seems to upset Wife more than the eventual revelation that he got a blow J.

At one point he says to Wife "she kissed me and unzipped my pants, so what?!" and Wife basically goes "yeah I guess...ok, I support you".

Oh yeah, and Demi Moore's lawyer keeps referring to his documents and he says "you told your coworkers that the sight of Demi Moore gave you a *consults notes* 'boner'?" and it's the best bit in the film.

All of a sudden Tom remembers calling a number on his "CELLULAR PHONE!" and not hanging up. Phew, his blow J and valiant storm-out were caught on tape (very clearly, awesome clean audio) and he is vindicated. And very unembarrassed that his colleagues all heard him get blown.

The vindication is really where you'd think this shitty sexist movie would end but there's LOADS left. Strap in.

'A FRIEND' emails again and the email is all "Demi Moore's up to something m8 get rid yeah" and Michael Douglas overhears her on her Stairmaster telling the slimiest colleague she'll get Michael Douglas fired by saying he's an idiot. Oh right, ok then.

Here's where things go berserk. Michael Douglas busts in to a hotel room where DigiCom (ugh) is demo-ing their VR file stuff and goes in to the system to retrieve files that will prove he's great and Demi Moore is a bitch or whatever. It looks like this:

This was meant to be a sex movie, why am I looking at Michael Douglas playing VR Encarta Mindmaze?!

Demi Moore starts deleting files from her office and it means she pops up in the VR simulation and it is INSANE.

Blah blah blah, Demi Moore has made production changes to make Michael Douglas look bad so he can get sacked. It's all SO boring and really disappointing if you just wanted to see him hang dong.

It's Friday (FRI-YAY!) and Michael Douglas is giving his presentation about CD-ROMs or whatever. Demi Moore pipes up with "ur shit m8" and he goes "what went on in Malaysia, hun?" and she's like 🤷‍♀️ and he's all "orly👀" and shows a VIDEO OF HER TOURING THE MALAYSIAN FACTORY!

So she knew EVERYTHING and now EVERYBODY KNOWS. It has similar energy to when Trump said he didn't know Epstein particularly and then there were fifty pics of them high-fiving near teenagers or whatever.

With that Demi Moore is out on her ass TAKE THAT YOU BITCH WOMEN TREAT MEN LIKE SHIT AND THEY CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT. Old Lady from the start gets made head of...everything. And it turns out her son who WE ONLY JUST MEET NOW AT THE END is 'A FRIEND'.

OH BTW I FORGOT, the woman Michael Douglas slaps on the arse with files at the beginning testifies against him and then when it turns out Demi Moore had lied she apologises to him and slaps HIM on the arse and it is so wholesome.

The movie ends with Michael Douglas getting one last email from his Fat Wife and Invisible Children saying "Daddy we miss you" and that's that. This film got made. The End.

Oh one more thing, Ennio Morricone did the fucking score for this boring incel porn.