Gotta bookmark this excuse to use the next time I accidentally crash into a liquor store
"I accidentally drove and/or helicoptered to a 3 star Michelin restaurant in Napa for my friend's crucial once-in-a-lifetime 50th birthday party while making it illegal to open your taco stand" is some next level Animal Farm
I'm tempted to compare him to a televangelist who got caught with a prostitute, but a televangelist who got caught with a prostitute can't throw you in jail for stopping sending him payments
The cool thing about being an elected official is when you totally fuck up you can call it a "teaching moment" and then start lecturing everybody about how we all need to do better

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More from @iowahawkblog

18 Nov
Upslap and stalk my Fleeps on Squibo
Also, please Bingo my Droopers on FleegleSnorky
Authentic Silicon Valley Babytalk Branding > Authentic Frontier Gibberish
Read 4 tweets
17 Nov
Stop trying to make "Fleets" happen
Twitter should just accept the fact that Instagram and TikTok are where people go to share joyous visual self expression, and Twitter is for malignant assholes to scream lunatic conspiracy theories
YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok is where nobodies go to become millionaires, Twitter is where millionaires go to become nobodies
Read 8 tweets
16 Nov
I saved money for 20+ years so my kids would have no college loan debt. Where do I sign up for my misspent $100k
Tell you what, go ahead and cancel all the student loan debt and then send the bill for it to their colleges.
I define an elitist a-hole as somebody who demands low and middle income people pay for his college loans even when he can't even spell "elitist"
Read 4 tweets
16 Nov
Sorry, there are literally zero unpoliticized things left
Are you kidding me? At this very moment there are at least a dozen grad students writing dissertations on the class / gender politics of old car photos. I bet there are academic conferences on it
Let's see what the ol' Google machine has to say
Read 4 tweets
15 Nov
Ladies and gentlemen start your Zingers for another installment of #DavesCarIDService
*back in the day when plastic model car kits and sniffin' glue was all the grade school rage, MPC introduced Zingers- fanciful pint sized car kits stuffed with huge blown motors just like the Ed Roth monster T shirts. For marketing, they created real life versions for car shows.
Before getting to today's IDs, a gentle reminder of my request guidelines:
Read 36 tweets
14 Nov
Today's episode of #DavesCarIDService is brought to you by the all-new 1912 Reeves Sexto-Auto. Give your drive a happy ending with the smooth sexto-action ride of a Reeves!
Yes, it's real and spectacular, and as the ad says there was also an 8-wheeled Reeves Octo-Auto. Founded by the delightfully named Milton Othello Reeves, these were based on Overland and later Stutz cars with extra axles. At $3200-$4800 not many takers.
Without further ado, let us get to the identifying: contain yourselves ladies, for this barnyard lothario is headed to town in his chic 1934 Chevy 5 window coupe. Judging by the attire I suspect this photo is closer to 1934 than 1940.
Read 32 tweets

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