It's really heartbreaking to see so many hard-working single moms carry their sons into college & have the lads fizzle out the first semester. Here's often why: the guys lack internal motivation. It never had a chance to develop. When he leaves home, he *must* to have it!
I've read too much psych data & I know what's going on. I see the guys with strong father relationships breeze through the 1st semester & guys from divorce limping. It's generally the pattern. All these guys need a 25-to-40 year-old guy to meet with them semi-regularly.
The data shows that a guy's internal motivation drive is usually activated by being invested in one-on-one by someone else, esp. a father/big brother figure. Everyone needs someone who believes in them. Everyone. Here's what I see over and over and over and over and over again:
When guys arrive at college without a properly formed internal motivation, when things get hard they look for shortcuts or they just quit. They give up. This is the fatherly gift that keeps on giving. This is what you dads do. You don't let your sons quit things. It's a gift.
It's unique to dads! Here's the problem: I can't find, even in NYC, 25-to-40 year-old guys willing to sacrifice their time (once a month) to help activate the internal motivation system of freshmen guys who arrive at college limping. It's sad. amazon.com/Boy-Crisis-Boy…
The lack of internal motivation to push through adversity causes them to give up, which results in lower grades. Lower grades are demotivating, and without another voice to say, "get back on the horse," they may drop of college altogether. Depressing to watch the pattern.
Some days, I wish I was ignorant of the psych data and could just conclude, "oh, yeah, they're just lazy!" Ignorance is bliss. Not lazy, just dad-deprived and there's little I can do about it. I only have time to catch like one or two a year. I don't know what else to do. Sigh.
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