@realDonaldTrump There was an old man from Queens
Who preferred young girls in their teens
Then a gangster named Vlad
Filmed him being quite bad
With some girl he had met at Epstein's

More 👇
@realDonaldTrump As Donny continued his lootin'
There really could be no disputin'
That year after year
It became ever more clear
He was working for Vladimir Putin

More 👇
@realDonaldTrump Old Donny was quite prone to fibbin'
And he lost every chance he was given
So when finally at last
We tossed him out on his ass
He had to find a new place to go live in

More 👇
@realDonaldTrump A dumb man of orange complexion
Pretended there was no infection
But despite all the boaters
He killed too many voters
And that's why he lost the election

More 👇
@realDonaldTrump There was a failed businessman
Who sported an orange spray-tan
He could only get votes
From some old guys in boats
And the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan

More 👇
@realDonaldTrump Hey, if you made it this far, please consider giving me a follow.

As Donny says, "what have you got to lose?" 😂🤷

More 👇
@realDonaldTrump Trump had the brains of a llama
And accomplished nothing but drama
But despite the fake pride
He knew deep inside
He could never live up to Obama

More 👇
@realDonaldTrump Fake wife and fake health care plan
Fake wall for fake caravan
A fake billionaire
With fake tan and fake hair
Fake genius, fake family, fake man

More 👇
@realDonaldTrump Dick Nixon was certainly bent
G. Harding, a true malcontent
But after Trump's spree
Historians agree
He was clearly the worst President

More 👇
@realDonaldTrump Old Don liked to look very rich
But you see, there was this one hitch:
He was dumb as a rock
And got ass-deep in hock
And now Putin has made him his bitch

More 👇
@realDonaldTrump There was an old orange fool
Who loved to break every rule
He committed a rape
And Vlad got it on tape
And now he's a paid Russian tool

More 👇
@realDonaldTrump He needed a wife so he bought her
But he wished she could be even hotter
It was such a concern
That he told Howard Stern
"Id rather be fucking my daughter"

👉 FIN 👈

• • •

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More from @kellumdander

24 Dec
To everyone expecting justice to be served, I'm sorry.

He's going to get away with all of it. All of them will.

And the reason, I'm sorry to say, is because the Democrats are too afraid to hold any of them to account.

I wish it wasn't this way.

I'm sorry.
If I'm wrong about this, I'll be ecstatic.

But think back to the impeachment last year (was that only a year ago?).

The charges, half-assed. The hearings, limp-wristed. The followup, nonexistent.

It doesn't appear that Dems have the strength to fight.
Dems lost seats in the house. They've (so far) been unable to secure the Senate. Pelosi is doing nothing. Biden shows no sign of going for blood - on the contrary, in fact. The most vociferous Dems (like AOC) remain sidelined.

Where's the momentum?
Read 4 tweets
23 Dec
Corollary: Republicans want to make rich people richer, and poor people more miserable.
This is, of course, the gospel teaching of Rich White Jesus, as told in the Book of Winthorpe and the Book of Randolph (found only in the *real* Rich White People's Bible, not that socialist trash they keep passing around.)
More teachings from the Book of Winthorpe:
Read 7 tweets
22 Dec
What if instead of a government we just had a group of people to make rules that we all had to follow, and another group to take care of some common problems we all face? We could have some sort of fair selection process, too.
What if instead of airplanes, we took buses, and made it so they could travel through the air?
What if instead of shoes, we put protective shields under our feet? We could strap them on with bits of colored cloth or even leather.
Read 4 tweets
21 Dec
@realDonaldTrump @kilmeade @foxandfriends There was a failed businessman
Who sported an orange spray-tan
He could only get votes
From some old guys in boats
And the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan
@realDonaldTrump @kilmeade @foxandfriends As Donny continued his lootin'
There really could be no disputin'
That year after year
It became ever more clear
He was working for Vladimir Putin

More 👇
@realDonaldTrump @kilmeade @foxandfriends Trump had the brains of a llama
And accomplished nothing but drama
But despite the fake pride
He knew deep inside
He could never live up to Obama

More 👇
Read 10 tweets
18 Dec
🚨 My blood is fucking boiling! 🚨

If the strategy is "herd immunity through mass casualties" - - as it was in the UK and Sweden, for a period - - then make it clear that is the strategy.
At least then, the electorate can evaluate the strategy, and there can be consensus (or not).

At worst the strategy can be called "ill-advised," or "stupid."
But if you adopt a "herd immunity" strategy, against the advice of scientists - while LYING ABOUT THE DISEASE AND DOWNPLAYING THE RISKS - that, my friends, is MASS MURDER.
Read 10 tweets
12 Dec
Parler is Bill Mitchell and a handful of other crackpot right wing "thought leaders" chatting with a million Russian bots and that guy that made a meth kitchen in the storage shed behind the New Hope Mission Evangelical Tabernacle.
"Follow me on Parler!"
"Follow me on Parler!"
Read 6 tweets

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