honestly bean dad is the kind of stupidity we could do more with instead of our ongoing multiple existential crises. ill take a dumb guy on the internet over plague and war.
but im still holding out for a good celebrity sex scandal (consensual nonsense only please)
a celebrity making bad parental takes on twitter while also having an affair with a fake accent would fill out half of my 2021 bingo card.
fingers still crossed for "jennifer aniston is actually black."

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More from @owillis

5 Jan
actually most americans live in a shared reality. its just that a percentage of it is deluded and the media caters to their whims instead of just utterly rejecting their fantasies.
im pretty well convinced the percentage of unhinged americans is the same as its always been. its just that cable news and social media give them a bigger voice.
you: its never been this crazy!

me: Image
Read 5 tweets
5 Jan
I am getting daily tip sheet envy. Will people sign up to read my tip sheet of events that definitely did not happen?
SIGHTED: Fleet of Blackbird jets delivered to headquarters of Blacktifa, the militia formed via the union of Black Lives Matter and Antifa. Sources say purchase financed by benefactor George Soros. Image
CONSTRUCTION: Outgoing admin official Stephen Miller broke ground on his personal dungeon, located in a labyrinth below his Chevy Chase estate. Miller is said to be on the lookout for brown-skinned boys and girls to populate his hellscape. Image
Read 7 tweets
5 Jan
Saw someone reply to this tweet that its just for the special election and then the fireworks will start. I can’t believe people are still falling for it.
I’m not giving dem leaders a pass but when Dems do this they’re giving dem voters what they want, unfortunately
Read 10 tweets
4 Jan
they ran the obama playbook on warnock. we spent nearly 10 years hearing how the extremely moderate and center-left barack obama was a black radical dedicated to hurting white people. why? because he was a black person running for office. thats it. doing same to harris now.
a black person could run on the gop's party platform and theyd say they were "obviously" well to the left of someone white running to their right
Read 5 tweets
4 Jan
should also note that beans are bad. i lump them in with other foods i dont like like soup, gravy, and pretty much every vegetable.
as you can all probably realize by now. im a pretty picky eater. but some food is gross and im convinced people eat them out of peer pressure. im a paradigm-breaker.
i feel like some foods are like "ah all society must eat this, even though we all know its horrible."

and im like the lady in the apple 1984 ad, saying "actually soup tastes bad."
Read 6 tweets
4 Jan
What the world needed is another venue for powerful people to preen
It’s weird how none of these is ever “we thought we should report on important stuff and how it affects billions of normal people”
Read 4 tweets

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