Thread by @owillis

I am getting daily tip sheet envy. Will people sign up to read my tip sheet of events that definitely did not happen?

SIGHTED: Fleet of Blackbird jets delivered to headquarters of Blacktifa, the militia formed via the union of Black Lives Matter and Antifa. Sources say purchase financed by benefactor George Soros.

CONSTRUCTION: Outgoing admin official Stephen Miller broke ground on his personal dungeon, located in a labyrinth below his Chevy Chase estate. Miller is said to be on the lookout for brown-skinned boys and girls to populate his hellscape.

CHEF TO THE STARS: Burger King line cook tells People magazine about catering multiple Trump events: "Definitely put my boogers in Don Jr's Big Mac."

MALARKEY CRASH: Investors have soured on malarkey, as incoming Biden administration appointees are being specifically selected and screened for their opposition to the Trump admjn staple. "Malarkey's days are numbered," an anonymous source tells this reporter.

BOTH SIDES EMERGENCY: Newsroom sources reveal the New York Times on Monday had an emergency update to all keyboards to replace the letters spelling out "both sides" in anticipation of heavy use over the next two years.

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