New game, Twitter.

Find me a job posting that vaguely resembles "what you think I do" and then I will mock it.

It's gotta be at a big company, though; I don't want to crap on some overloaded 5 person startup for a bad req.
What does it mean to work at IBM? A bunch of things that absolutely don't apply to a corporate comms role. Get any thoughts of being valued right the hell out of your non-coding head immediately.
"The successful candidate will be a master storyteller, and a master story-sharer."

Unfortunately this is @IBM, and if we're not talking about the controversial vice chairman hire announced today, we're instead reduced to telling stories from the Great War.
This sentence is some masterful story-sharing right here, I'll tell you what.
Indeed, IBM is indeed getting owned in the media this week.
I'm just going to come right out with it and be a petty asshole: I have more Twitter followers than your entire executive team, and my audience is absolutely the "corporate market" you're hurling ad spend towards.
Oh shit yes! Whenever someone asks me for career advice and I ask them "what would you do if money didn't matter," the answer is always "I would work within a highly matrixed organization."
This is the best intervention I've ever seen to shock someone out of a destructive spiral. Holy crap, when you get tired of having the stuffing kicked out of you in cloud, consider pivoting to running a rehab clinic.
"We cannot stress this enough in our posting for a New York based role: Fuck you, Colorado."
Yes, I think we're all agreed that this is a complete non-starter because I have a sense of whimsy and you're... IBM.

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More from @QuinnyPig

8 Jan
Oh I like this. Let me help! Some #techtipsforParler they should make sure to do to fix their @awscloud bill, since they apparently have one:
"X" is a cool letter. Be sure that all of your EC2 instances start with it. #techtipsforParler
S3 buckets are finite resources, so be sure to use one bucket for your Lambda jobs. Make sure that the source and destination are in the same place, and automatically triggered. #techtipsforParler
Read 16 tweets
6 Jan
Uhhhh this is not how I understood @goserverless's security model to work.
If I scroll to the very end of a 55KB text file I find this defensive wording:
That sure is a lot of words to say "@goserverless will copy up your @awscloud API credentials to their service and execute things on your behalf."
Read 4 tweets
5 Jan
You're always going to need a piece of paper that says you know things. Eventually it becomes a list of jobs in which you've solved hard problems.
At the start of your career it's a different story. You've got a degree; that's more than I had.

Certifications aren't a bad step. They demonstrate that I can talk about cloud concepts with you and expect you to understand them at a high level.
Read 6 tweets
5 Jan
Who does @awscloud think they are, Google? Charging for a beta, my god...…
That said, I will take the beta exam cold and report back if AWS finds a voucher / wants to drum up publicity.

I'll even turn it into a fundraising drive.
If @PearsonVUE decides that an infant or toddler in the next room being noisy voids the exam, I will rain fire and brimstone down upon @awscloud for it.

Sure, it's a Pearson requirement--but it's being done in AWS's name. Image
Read 12 tweets
5 Jan
Spent the morning setting up @JamfSoftware to manage our company Macs. I've spent so long working with cloud computing that it's unnerving to encounter an interface that doesn't actually hate its users.
Given that I'm a few clickety-pokes away from blowing away a workstation at any point in this thing, I'd want two factor auth to:
1. Support Yubikeys
2. Not be optional
3. Not be buried deep in a sub-menu I had to hunt down.
They all have the red dot in the corner since I haven't enabled app provisioning. I just want to mandate disk encryption, strong passwords, screensaver timings, and remote wipe (AFTER ANOTHER 2FA FOR GOD'S SAKE JAMF)! I can't view those things in the dashboard though.
Read 5 tweets
5 Jan
Screw it, I've got a few minutes. I'm starting a new imaginary corp, "Facebook for Ethics." We're based here in California. I'll walk through many of the ways we'll serve our core mission: absolutely screwing over our staff.

Any resemblance to real companies is coincidental.
We'll start with "unlimited PTO." We very carefully will avoid giving guidance as to what is "appropriate." Is it really unlimited? Try taking six months off and find out!

We need pay none of it out when you leave (voluntarily or otherwise).
We're VC backed and privately held, so we'll pay below market salaries and offer equity. Folks have gotten wise to the "options" game so we're forced to give RSUs to attract talent.
Read 38 tweets

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