Oh I like this. Let me help! Some #techtipsforParler they should make sure to do to fix their @awscloud bill, since they apparently have one:
"X" is a cool letter. Be sure that all of your EC2 instances start with it. #techtipsforParler
S3 buckets are finite resources, so be sure to use one bucket for your Lambda jobs. Make sure that the source and destination are in the same place, and automatically triggered. #techtipsforParler
DynamoDB is a great NoSQL database, but what's way better than that? AWS Secrets Manager. It has "Secrets" in the name so you know it's secure. Use that instead. #techtipsforParler
Use OpsWorks for Chef Automate to manage your systems. Thank me later! #techtipsforParler
Data can be routed through a bunch of regions. You need to have enough hops that you send it all before it comes back. This is called a "Storage Area Network." #techtipsforParler
us-west-1 is by far the most cost effective AWS region. #techtipsforParler
You want to make sure you use Managed NAT Gateway to handle access to private subnets. Also, you're true patriots who value privacy--all of your internet facing workloads should be in those private subnets. #techtipsforParler
Similarly, S3 VPC endpoints are the work of commie liberal traitors. Never use them. #techtipsforParler
"Fargate" sounds like what you probably call LGBTQ folks, so make sure you run all of your steady-state workloads there as an absolutely hilarious inside joke. #techtipsforParler
Monitoring is super important! Enable detailed CloudWatch monitoring for everything, and crank the @datadoghq polling interval to the stratosphere so you learn about issues as soon as possible. #techtipsforParler
AI/ML projects are clear wins and generate immediate ROI. Launch as many of these as possible. #techtipsforParler
Reserved Instances are a hoax by the liberal fake news media. You have no reservations about anything else you do; why start now? #techtipsforParler
I cannot understate the importance of multi-cloud. Make sure you can deploy everything to multiple providers at all times. #techtipsforParler
Provisioned IOPS are the disk volume equivalent of how you view white folks: you want to bias heavily for them at all times. #techtipsforParler
Call your Enterprise support rep (you do have Enterprise support, right?) and tell them that you are goddamned patriots and won't tolerate any limits at all on your account. #techtipsforParler

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More from @QuinnyPig

9 Jan
I don't know that I can do @IanColdwater's response justice, but I'm going to assume that @peterskillman's question was sincere and answer it in good faith in this thread. What would I change about @awscloud's UX design?

Here we go.
A "v2" series of APIs for everything that is standardized between services. v1 will work forever (I know, you never turn off anything) but v2 will remove huge customer friction.
Hurl money at @iann0036 to implement Console Recorder as a first party service. The fact that someone else had to do this and got it done in a month or two of their own spare time? Bad look.
Read 19 tweets
8 Jan
Is it safe to tweet about @newrelic? The last time I tried some shitheads staged an insurrection.

So! New Relic sponsors my stuff. (Thanks! You help keep the Duckbill Group's Spite Budget topped up, and that's profoundly appreciated.)
"You say mean things about New Relic but take their money, isn't that disingenuous?"

It would be if I wasn't exceedingly clear about this up front with all of my sponsors. Specifically "if I only say nice things about you because you pay me, nobody will listen to me."
Read 21 tweets
6 Jan
New game, Twitter.

Find me a job posting that vaguely resembles "what you think I do" and then I will mock it.

It's gotta be at a big company, though; I don't want to crap on some overloaded 5 person startup for a bad req.
What does it mean to work at IBM? A bunch of things that absolutely don't apply to a corporate comms role. Get any thoughts of being valued right the hell out of your non-coding head immediately.
Read 11 tweets
6 Jan
Uhhhh this is not how I understood @goserverless's security model to work.
If I scroll to the very end of a 55KB text file I find this defensive wording:
That sure is a lot of words to say "@goserverless will copy up your @awscloud API credentials to their service and execute things on your behalf."
Read 4 tweets
5 Jan
You're always going to need a piece of paper that says you know things. Eventually it becomes a list of jobs in which you've solved hard problems.
At the start of your career it's a different story. You've got a degree; that's more than I had.

Certifications aren't a bad step. They demonstrate that I can talk about cloud concepts with you and expect you to understand them at a high level.
Read 6 tweets
5 Jan
Who does @awscloud think they are, Google? Charging for a beta, my god...

That said, I will take the beta exam cold and report back if AWS finds a voucher / wants to drum up publicity.

I'll even turn it into a fundraising drive.
If @PearsonVUE decides that an infant or toddler in the next room being noisy voids the exam, I will rain fire and brimstone down upon @awscloud for it.

Sure, it's a Pearson requirement--but it's being done in AWS's name. Image
Read 12 tweets

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