Share this page!

Tiffany Bond 🦞🇺🇸 Profile picture
Twitter logo
6 Jan, 59 tweets, 20 min read
2020: I am an irony serial killer

2021: behold, I am here to deliver verklempt verbatim irony; v^2 irony
This outfit though...that's commitment
Still applicable.

...all I'm saying is Charles Manson spent a lot of years behind bars and didn't explicitly order specific harms...just a friendly suggestion on how to get the world going in his direction from a few loyal fans.
And again ooo-la-nope.
Man, piles kindling, pours gasoline, throws match: be a good little fire and only burn peacefully

Could someone please resurrect Robin Williams?

Both generally, but also specifically to narrate these fashion choices.

So we are saying this is the standard for all "protesters" that break into federal buildings to stage a coup?

I have some questions as to where this de-escalation technique is when dealing with those who are disabled, mentally ill, minorities, etc.
Oh Rick, you sweet, summer child.

The knights who say "nope...pretty please guys, we don't want to have to move the desks you threw out the windows back."

Can someone please get them some handcuffs or zip ties?

Blah, blah law and order!!?!?!
So what they're saying is we COULD have a bunch of highly paid social workers instead??
Are you complaining about the racism cosplay budget, Dan?

Look at homeboy here...thinking he didn't personally produce the recruitment poster for this constitutional cacophony.
Buddy boy, you *literally* produced the theatrical trailer for this prime time bullshit.

You jumped out of a plane and posed as some sort of super spy. Do you not remember your campaign glamorshot video?

Can we get Dan a campaigning accountabilibuddy?
Is there anyone on Twitter who didn't know this was coming for weeks (or longer)?

This was such a planned event.
Look at Ted.

As if he hasn't spent years playing armchair saboteur to this country.
I was a few days early.
These bros just trundled down and stormed the US Senate like they are role playing for The Princess Bride.
A little harmless ribbing, amirite?
You know some people sit around and think "self, you know what 2021 needs? By golly, self, it needs a bit more King George!"

Collins, hoping traitors learn their lesson with a dash of scolding, a spoonful of sugar, and a pinch of constitutional resolve.
Don't mind me.

I'm just over here tweeting how @donlemon drinks on NYE.
The worst part of all this tomfuckery is you all KNOW those Senators voting to undermine democracy today are hoping that they can carve off their own treason tribe that will storm DC for them.

Those yahoos making statements against this have a bit of green envy it's not for them
Me, looking at aggregate Twitter comments: the prevailing criticism tonight is *checks notes* he's a total douche that incites violence and likes to force himself on people and countries.

Can you point to the wrong-y part?
It's so very weird that these clear symbols of national unity weren't already on proud, permanent display...
Dog, coming in tight with a reaction summary of the day.
It's a plucky little treason field trip!

Time to find your buddy and pop back on the bus.
What about a cozy corporate retreat, with a rope course and a few trust falls?
Oh baby girl...it's not like any of your constituents *cough* ME *cough* told you what was coming.

Hey Joe,

Can you give Rick "I can't imagine that the president wanted this" Santorum a call?
There couldn't possibly be a bias in enforcement, could there?
Ooooh. Another follow my words not my actions memo.
Have you seen anyone with a V-like presence yet?

We were promised lizard people in this series finale.

I'm very glad I didn't stay up all night with you last night.

It turns out coups are much more insomnia- and rage-inducing than elections.

Who'd have thunk it?
Ayup.
The amount of treason it takes this man to reject appalling behavior is enough to choke a few dozen snakes.
Did you miss the high drama of the past 4 years?

Of course the cast is quitting the night before they get fired.
The "right time" to impeach him was immediately following the racist and harmful ban on freedom of travel to and from Muslim countries, or at least the ones he doesn't do business with.
They had t-shirts made up like they are going on an extended family Disney vacation.

How many months in advance did they need to reserve their fast passes?
I know the country has been handing out medals like tic-tacs, but this should at least rise to the level of a wilderness girl merit badge.
I really hope these public servants were given a crack at vaccination before anyone in that building not physically cleaning up the shattered glass of our democracy.
Divorce attorney here, and same.

People who use terror to extract what they want need consequences early and often, or nothing restrains them.
Folks act like they are sneaking out after an ill-conceived 80s-style panty raid organized by the local frat after a rousing kegger, not walking away from ashes after they've set fire to democracy.

It's not political hijinks, it's crowd-sourced arson.⤵️
After man shows up at ex's house repeatedly threatening her with a variety of weapons and realizes finally that the chainsaw didn't cut down the door quite right, he says it's probably fine if she wants to date someone else and no PFA is needed.
After a few hours of sleep I see that they have circled round from "WE WILL BURN THIS MOTHER DOWN" to the ever popular shaggy defense.

Sure. No spare key. No bathroom floor. Uh-huh. Totes credible.
Collins, doing the "right thing" when she doesn't need someone anymore.
Perhaps, like those who "lost" the south, they will get a few racist statutes around town to remind everyone of their greatness - we all should pay tribute to consequence-free sedition.

...at least that's what an awful lot of low-fact history books say.
Mulvaney, obviously taking time-release amnesia pills.

This guy has been the same for DECADES.
I mean, who needs consequences when you can have a VACATION!
I gotta tell you....I feel the whole nation with a dry spell coming for Ben here.
This is my surprised face.
No officer, I don't know why a man I picked up at the laundromat, seduced repeatedly, gave a gun to, and told to kill my husband so we could be together killed my husband.

After all, Garth wouldn't do it, so why would he think that's what I was asking?
Peculiar to see a member of Congress be so oblivious to market forces and self-created consequences...after all, isn't he a beacon of legislation supporting personal responsibility?
Same energy
Tl;Dr - Woman with lots of yachts knows when to jump ship.
This guy's entire life is plated, veneered, dipped, and spackled.
Tap, tap...

🎶🎙we've only just begun to grift
White hoods and nationalists

🍾

Democrats should be treating this more like the intent is a punch card system.

They'll want their 11th coup to be on the House.
Look, when you've planned your coup cosplay at an ultimate warrior gym, you need to act out the fantasy in full to be fulfilled.

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh
　

Keep Current with Tiffany Bond 🦞🇺🇸

Tiffany Bond 🦞🇺🇸 Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

PDF

Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @TiffanyBond

Tiffany Bond 🦞🇺🇸 Profile picture
7 Jan
My DMs tell me that I look like I'm not ok from this thread. ⤵️

I am not ok.

This is not ok.

But it isn't just this series of events...it's that this series of events comes from years of escalation and lack of enforcement, and by all appearances will be followed by the same.
We are at a point where our governance is run by elected officials that increasingly are caricatures of positions, not legislators doing the work.

Getting into office is a measure of fundraising, favors, and platitudes - being in office is increasingly extended campaigning.
The percent of legislators who act like reality show contestants is not insignificant; the amount of legislators we have that will vote for a bill they haven't read is approximately 100%.

Our legislators are in the same club, divided in two distinctly different screwed up clubs.
Read 13 tweets
Tiffany Bond 🦞🇺🇸 Profile picture
6 Nov 20
Please, take #MaineRaising and make it #GeorgiaRaising.

It is my gift of a win to you.

Flood Georgia's small businesses and non-profits with resources.

Do not make the mistake you all made with money in Maine.
This is me, giving you the Senate seat(s) you didn't give me the resources to give you in Maine. ⤴

Stop wasting money.

Invest in the community.

Like this, but for Georgia.⤵
There are 1292 donors choose projects in Georgia (starting at $19) if you don't know where to start.

Do not forget the note!

donorschoose.org/donors/search.…
Read 19 tweets
Tiffany Bond 🦞🇺🇸 Profile picture
4 Nov 20
I run the most grassroots campaigns you've ever seen.

Let's drop the drama, kick out the influence of money, and focus on what really matters in our federal law.

Help here: bond4.me/get-involved

Let's get some common sense back in politics.
BUT YOU ARE AN INDEPENDENT!?!??!?!!!

No problem! Maine has ranked choice voting.

Do you know how that works?
I run without accepting money...so how do you help?

If you want to throw money at this problem - do a #MaineRaising

Let's get those dollars back in our community doing good.

☑️Shop for anything at any Maine business
☑️Leave a note
☑️Share on social media

Like this⤵️ ImageImageImageImage
Read 7 tweets
Tiffany Bond 🦞🇺🇸 Profile picture
2 May 20
Me, opens up pizza stone from new in box

9: I didn't know you had that

M: yeah, I bought it before I met your dad

9: you have had this for 50 years and never opened it?

M: closer to 20 years

9: daaaad, mom has a secret hidden pizza stone

M: it's called "putting it away"
Our boys are in the recycle bin pretending to be prairie dogs.

Very, very loud and giggly prairie dogs. Image
Our house has a lovely sense of balance.

For example, the amount of time required to get one of our children into the bath is approximately the same amount of time required to get said child out of the bath.

In the case of 7, it's an hour.
Read 80 tweets
Tiffany Bond 🦞🇺🇸 Profile picture
18 Mar 20
Why I think income limits on any cash infusions to the economy are a bad idea, a thread.

It seems like those who are pro means test don't understand how insane submitting paperwork to the government is, the bureaucracy the government is, or the staffing that this requires.
I get that it seems wrong to give people who have money more money.

There are ways to tackle someone who didn't "deserve" stimulus on the backside with taxes, etc...for the folks who truly don't "deserve" it, many will donate, and this will be a negligible amount of $.
There also aren't all that many of those people.

I think many *drastically* overestimate the stability of our middle class, the degree to which it is leveraged, and how many people it really is.

A lot of our middle class has cash flow, but not long-term liquidity. I digress.
Read 12 tweets
Tiffany Bond 🦞🇺🇸 Profile picture
5 Mar 20
I feel this in the marrow of my bones.

Watching the treatment of the women in the presidential race, particularly @ewarren is exhausting, deeply painful, and fills me with a resignation cum hulk rage that could derail a freight train.

...and not because any were "my" candidate.
I ran for office for the first time in 2018. I knew I had a few hits against me as a relative unknown and an independent. I'm also a very private person and had virtually no social media presence at the start.

I know that being deliciously boring can cut either way.
I'm also a functional attorney with 4 degrees, at least moderately good on my toes in a debate, generally reasonable, and not prone to tin foil hats.

Maine is a fairly egalitarian state full of women with moxie; I had no clue how vivid and pervasive misogyny still was.
Read 19 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us on Twitter!

Like this author's thread?

Get emails when @TiffanyBond has new unrolls!

Check out other threads from @TiffanyBond!

Read all threads by @TiffanyBond