A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by:
He got into the taxi and the cabbie said. "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!"
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time!"
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.
“He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right!"
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then!"
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.”
“He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan!"
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his fucking widow!"
• • •
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In an email from @ChrisMurphyCT
Read it. All of it,
“The first thing that seemed wrong was how fast the Republican floor staffer was moving toward Senator Chuck Grassley.
She abruptly rustled him from his seat in the front row of the chamber and motioned that he quickly ascend to the dais, to relieve Vice President Mike Pence in the chair.
This transition from Pence to Grassley as presiding officer was expected, so maybe few people noticed anything out of the ordinary. But to me, the pace at which Pence was exiting the chamber seemed alarming.
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address.
He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read: “Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner.”
Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna”
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking marijuana and appeared in court.
The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, I'd like to give you a second chance. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."
On Monday, the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"
“Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs."
“17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them? asked the judge.
Two Canadians died and ended up in hell. Satan decided to pay them a visit, so he walked into their room and saw them talking and laughing. Confused, he asked them why they were so happy.
One of them said, “We were sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, stormed away to Hell's boiler room, where he turned up the temperature.
He went back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged to put the heating back down. He entered the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furious, he asked them what they're doing.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient was lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse came to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbled from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replied, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggled to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcame her embarrassment and pulled back the covers.