A study was done to understand emotional memory:

People with advanced dementia were assigned two caretakers: one would treat them gently & with kindness, the other would be gruff & unloving. A week later, they were asked if they had ever met either of the two caretakers.

They all said no (due to the dementia). They were then asked who they wanted to work with that day. Consistently, they chose the one who had treated them kindly, but had no explanation for why.

We store our experiences, our emotions, and our connections in many places, including places we have no conscious access to. In life, people will forget what you said, but they won’t forget how you made them feel. So be kind.


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More from @dremilyanhalt

25 Jul 20
Imposter Syndrome is believing that you are not intelligent or capable despite evidence of high achievement. There is a feeling of phoniness and a fear of being found out or exposed as a fraud.

Sound familiar?

Here are 12 tips for working through your Imposter Syndrome:
🤔 Remember that you’re in good company.

Most people with competence have some Imposter Syndrome, because they know how much they don’t know. It's the opposite of the Dunning-Kruger effect.

(image by @jessicahagy)
🗣 Talk about it.

Putting private thoughts into words changes how those thoughts exist in our mind and changes our relationship to those thoughts.

Talk to your therapist, loved ones, and trusted colleagues about your worries and let them reflect a different reality to you.
Read 13 tweets
21 Jul 20
How to Receive Negative Feedback:

Hearing tough feedback is difficult for everyone, always. No one wants to hear that they’ve messed up or let others down. But the way you respond will inform what people share with you in the future.

Here’s how to take it in thoughtfully:
1️⃣ Practice giving yourself space between hearing the feedback & responding. When we respond right away, it‘s often from a defensive place.

Give yourself 10 minutes before saying anything (you can say, “I’d like a few minutes to think about that, then let’s talk about it”).
2️⃣ Spend that 10 minutes taking stock of what you’re feeling. Do you feel defensive? Misunderstood? Is it something you’re already working on?

Take a few thoughtful breaths to center yourself and to remember that this feedback is about one facet of you, not all of who you are.
Read 6 tweets
30 Jun 20
Lots of conversations happening about cancel culture right now. This is an immense, complicated, emotional, and nuanced topic, but I'd like to share my perspective about one small aspect.

Bear with me while I start with a psychological concept... [THREAD]
In analytic psychology, there's a type of emotional development that is characterized by a person's ability not to think in extremes - to accept the fact that nothing is all good or all bad.

This is actually quite difficult, and we all tend to have trouble with it.
Holding good and bad at the same time is hard. Life would be much more simple if we could locate the good in one place and move toward it, and locate the bad in another place and move away from it.

But the difficult truth is, goodness and badness exist within each of us.
Read 9 tweets
11 Feb 20

40 of my favorite psychological concepts, introduced as thoroughly as I could manage in 280 characters or less.

These are core human behaviors that play out in all relationships, & are explored through therapy.

Enjoy, ask questions, & add your own!
🧠 Intellectualization: using reason & intellect to avoid feeling our emotions. Intellectualizers are more comfortable with logic & rationality than emotionality and are good at speaking through things without actually feeling them. This can be a strength but also a problem
😱 Fear of Breakdown: the things we fear the most are things that have already happened to us but were too painful to consciously experience at the time. Ex: my fear of bad things happening is a fear of facing the bad things I've already experienced

Read 42 tweets
6 Feb 20
The ✨epiphanies✨ we have in therapy are almost always a result of the many seemingly unproductive hours of work that came before.

We have to build the safety, ability, and strength over time to know things we’ve worked hard not to know.

Here is one of mine from years ago:
I spent most of life feeling like I wouldn’t be able to handle bad things if they happened to me - that I would crumble under the weight of any pain. This caused a lot of anxiety and preoccupation with things I couldn’t control.
At some point in therapy, I realized that I downplay & deny the tough experiences I’ve already had, because facing them is painful.

But by not facing them, I had cheated myself out of the knowledge that I already have the capacity to handle hard things.
Read 5 tweets
15 Aug 19
Starting therapy is a daunting process and it’s tough to know how it’s supposed to feel.

Here are some things I wish I had known when I started therapy.

[ongoing THREAD]
💬 The first session can feel strange because it’s hard to summarize your life in 50 minutes. There’s no right way to start and it’s ok if it feels a bit awkward. Don’t worry if your therapist doesn’t talk much or ask endless questions - they’re creating space to get to know you.
⛅️ Sometimes you’ll feel worse before you feel better. This is because you’re unearthing pain that you’ve turned away from. Trust that you’re feeling through to something better.
Read 11 tweets

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