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14 Jan, 4 tweets, 1 min read
me: *goes on Lending Tree and plugs in info to see how much money can be saved on mortgage refinance*

phone: RING RING RING BLOOP RING BLOOP RING PING BLOOP PING RING RING BLOOP ZING PING PING RING BLOOP

me:
on the upside I now have 80 new friends who want to know if I'm available to talk RIGHT NOW
It's just such an honor to be the main course at a salesman feeding frenzy
I have informed all of them that I will be making my refinance decision based on the quality of their nude photos

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
14 Jan
1932 Ford 5 window coupe, and the first time I've seen a car in Cuba that might marginally be worth the money to bring to the US.

Also, another gentle reminder to please use #DavesCarIDService hashtag
Doesn't matter, the value in the car is the body and frame. I'd take it apart, sandblast it, and redeem it as a proper Yanqui capitalist hot rod
There are a number of companies (e.g. Brookville) that make very nice, very faithful all-steel replica 1932 Ford bodies and frames, but they're still replicas. There's a premium people pay for "Henry Ford steel," as they say.
Read 4 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
14 Jan
Is it just me, or was there some kind of top secret $1000 per head dinner confab at the French Laundry when a bunch of drunk TED Talkers suddenly decided all us lumpenproles need to be eating bugs out of troughs?
No one:
Absolutely no one:
Really, and I'm not kidding, absolutely no one:

Bien pensants:
Ever notice that people who claim to love humanity think of it as their own personal livestock herd
Read 5 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
13 Jan
And what's up with all that WD-40 and duct tape?
jfc, how does a regular human survive without several bags of zip-ties
I bet that everyone who writes for the New York Times has a tool box that only consists of a eyeglass screwdriver and 3 leftover Allen wrenches from IKEA
Read 5 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
13 Jan
Hey man if you don't like it you're always free to start your own country
unanimous first ballot inductee into the Maybe You Should Sit This One Out Hall Of Fame
just to be clear, I remain stalwart in my defense of Twitter's right to ban any user for any reason. Their house, their rules. But I do find it a tad rich when a company that employs an army of frog cartoon scrutinizers suddenly poses as modern day Voltaires defending free speech
Read 4 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
13 Jan
true story: I had a dream last night where I'm out in my yard and there's this big white swan or goose flying around in circles about 20 feet off the ground and then I notice on its back is a beaver, just smacking the bird with its tail like a jockey's whip.

/1
the bird gets tired and stalls out, and then the whole swan/beaver contraption plummets to the ground. There's a big "oof" from the swan as it bellyflops onto the dirt, but it cushions the impact for the beaver like an air mattress, and beaver waddles away unhurt.
/2
My main objective at this point is to crowdsource some dream analysis
Read 4 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
12 Jan
You hate to see it, and by that I of course mean CNN at the airport
keeping my fingers crossed it will be replaced with vintage 80s Skinemax
I have vague memories of CNN actually having reporters in safari jackets dodging sniper fire in exotic war zones, back before they went 24/7 Zoom meeting hot takes
Read 9 tweets

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