Dylan Profile picture
16 Jan, 7 tweets, 2 min read
Two nights ago I was in the mood for a milkshake. But because I’m a black man who drives an expensive car and I live in a predominantly white neighborhood, the story ends with me getting pulled over by a cop looking for a confrontation.
If you click on the OP, there’s a thread with pictures and everything. I watched this cop spot me the second I pulled out of the parking lot and he followed me for 2 miles. The second I turned into my neighborhood off the main road he lit me.
Switched the music from rap to Bon Iver, hands at the 10 and 2, roll down the window. “Hey man, how’s your night going?” Not any house slave shit, but not gonna give this dude an excuse, ya know?
I asked him why I’m being stopped. He says I rolled through a stop sign. I say must be a new one because there aren’t any stop signs on Gilbert Road. The first stop sign I’ve seen is the one right in front of us. Immediately he’s like “welp.”
He likely ran my plates, saw it was registered to “Dylan Park”—which isn’t a traditionally black name—and in his head he’s thinking this Audi just got stolen. He asks to see my ID, I do the whole “can I grab my wallet from my pocket?” routine. And whattya know—I’m Dylan.
So he’s got no choice but to do the “I’m gonna let you off with a warning, just be careful next time” bit. I wasn’t drunk, driving recklessly, the car wasn’t stolen, and I wasn’t confrontational or any of the other excuses cop use. I just happen to be a black man in America.
But I guess what I’m really trying to say is: Fuck the police.

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More from @dyllyp

16 Jan
I get emails like this all the time. Don’t do this.

Do I show up at your job and ask you to do agonizing labor for free? Neither should you. You better come up w/ a good pitch and a number followed by a bunch of zeros and send that shit to my agent so she can tell you no for me.
“I’ll give you 2-4% on the backend.”

No tf you won’t.
Mfer said “We were in same class in 6th grade together, do me a solid.”

Lmao y’all really got some nerve.
Read 4 tweets
15 Jan
The white supremacists who have been screaming #BlueLivesMatter when they were killing black people are now killing cops with white supremacist tattoos. They’re starting to eat their own.
A spiderweb tattoo means one of two things: You’ve done hard prison time or you’re a white supremacist. You can’t do time in prison and be a cop, so you do the math.

“Some groups required that you would have to kill a minority before you could wear such a tattoo.”
I grew up in the same circle with this dude @JoshMerriott. One day he loses his shit, we get into an argument and he calls me the n-word. Long story short: He now works as a correctional officer, he has spiderweb tattoos all over his arms, and is a fervent Trump supporter. Math.
Read 7 tweets
15 Jan
I’m tired of acting like I don’t deserve an Oreo shake.
I was gonna post a tweet about this dude in a lifted truck absolutely losing his shit on the poor Mexican kid in the drive thru, but now this is a tweet about me getting followed home by a cop and pulled over blocks from my house. ImageImage
And I’m not trying to be funny or dramatic, but me going down to the local burger spot to grab a shake easily could’ve turned into me losing my life tonight. Because I’m a black man in America.
Read 4 tweets
14 Jan
Here’s the thing about racists: they’re all cowards. If they’re not in a group or disguised, they’re real quiet. But they still use their red hats, Fred Perry polos, and dumb hand signals to acknowledge each other in public.

We see you, mfers. We still see you.
Ol’ boys hairline is pushed so far back his dandruff is starting to protest the deforestation.
Read 6 tweets
8 Jan
My Twitter account is a direct extension of my behavior throughout my academic career. I basically went to school to bully bullies. I relish it.
When my mom enrolled me in a private school, those white boys were licking their chops when they saw this little black kid with glasses walk down the hall. Thing is, I was immune. I grew up in a family where shit talking was our love language. We clowned each other 24/7.
So when these bullies tried to make fun of me, I had home court advantage. Remember that scene in the Dark Knight where Bane was kicking Batman’s ass in the dark?

“Ah you think your jokes are funny? You merely adopted the jokes. I was born in it, molded by it.”
Read 12 tweets
8 Jan
Just took the pup for a walk and every single Trump sign was taken down. In Mesa, Arizona. The most conservative city in the country. Would ya look at that.
Source: Forbes and Politco
All those flags were flying high yesterday morning too.
Read 4 tweets

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