Thread by @SlavaMalamud

Here is a story on which several of my general circles of interest overlap quite wildly. Namely, it's Russia, politics, hockey and craziness. I will try to make it short, though this won't do it justice.
This is the story of Vityaz, the KHL's own Charlestown Chiefs...

Vityaz is a club that should never belong to a top-flight professional league. If you have ever seen Slap Shot, just give all the characters there a Russian accent, throw in a lot more criminality, and you will have the picture. They are as bush league as it gets...

Vityaz was founded by Russian mafia in the city of Podolsk, Moscow Region. The entire area was run by warring gangs in the 1990s and well into the 2000s, and the leader of one of them, Nikolai Pavlinov, was known for his posh manners, decadent tastes and the love of sports...

In addition to that, Pavlinov, as is trendy among Russian gangsters, was heavily into nationalism, Orthodoxy and Slavism, which is why he patronized a local MMA/boxing club called Vityaz ("Russian Knight") and gave the same name to his hockey team...

Eventually Pavlinov moved the team to the city of Chekhov, of which he was an uncrowned king. Pavlinov's blood money provided for a nice budget to do well in the lower leagues, but once Vityaz made it to the top flight, they had no chance to compete against the oligarch clubs...

Pavlinov was also very eccentric by Russian sports standards. He utterly refused to bribe refs and his Vityaz never wore commercial sponsor patches on the jersey (except when mandated by the league). He considered the uniform sacred and turned away good ad deals...

Unable to sign top talent, Pavlinov opted for the "Charlestown Chiefs" solution: "If we can't outplay them, we'll knock the shit out of them." This led to a string of seasons in which Vityaz would sign the most notorious goons from N. American bush leagues who could barely skate.

The pinnacle of Pavlinov's scorched earth campaign was the signing of the famed NHL tough guy Chris Simon, followed by the John "Nasty" Mirasty and Jeremy Yablonski, who were MMS fighters moonlighting as hockey players. Simon came to the KHL a raging alcoholic...

Russia seems like a strange place to go to deal with alcohol issues, but, hey, who knows better about the problem, right? In fact, Pavlinov's buds helped Simon get sober and he quickly became a KHL star.
Scoring was not expected from Mirasty, Yablonski and Josh Gratton, though...

Pavlinov, who paid his players in cash and had his own mafia soldiers serve as team bodyguards, made it very clear to all new signings: their job was to fight and only to fight. All the time, anyone, as brutally as possible.
To cap it off, he hired Andrei Nazarov as his coach...

Nazarov, the only Russian goon in NHL history, can be a charmer when you meet him in person, but is quite a showman and probably has lingering mental health issues.
Under him, the team became a full-blown freak show.

One game had to be abandoned because there weren't enough unpenalized players left on either bench.
Mirasty and Yablonski were the pinnacle. They got into a brawl before they ever put on a pair of skates for Vityaz. Not that they needed skates or knew what to do with them, really

Before their first preseason game in Magnitogorsk, the team's bright-eyed, baby-faced star Artemi Panarin decided to take the newcomers to a local restaurant. Arriving there, the team encountered a Russian wedding, was immediately jumped by drunk locals and laid waste to them...

Mirasty and Yablonski were knocking out the revelers while standing back-to-back, like buddy cops. It was glorious. On the ice, it was no less brutal. The penalty minutes records set by Yablonski in particular will never be broken by a carbon-based life form...

Eventually, it got so bad (they'd jump players from behind, sucker punch, some players had suffered mental trauma that led to nervous disorders), the KHL threatened Vityaz with expulsion, and the goons were let go.
During their reign, the Vityaz jersey was the league's top seller

The ending of the story is very logical, as in all crime stories. Only one mafia is allowed in Putin's Russia. Pavlinov's old revenue streams dried up, he ran out of money and eventually became expendable. What made him easy to get rid of was the fact his partner was Ukrainian...

Having someone who supported the 2014 Ukrainian revolution among his associates was just what the Russian authorities needed to make Pavlinov go away for good. While his partner escaped abroad, Pavlinov was given a year to find him and drag him back to Russia...

He either couldn't or wouldn't. The ending was predictable. With a rap sheet this long, Pavlinov was easy pickings for Putin's justice system. He is currently doing 17 years hard labor.
Vityaz, now squeaky clean, are an eternal KHL minnow.

The whole story was published today by @sportexpress, whose hockey department still does good work, even if they feel compelled to include blatantly obvious anti-Ukrainian rhetoric in their good articles.