Thread by @ClimateHuman

I would like to give some context for this article and to correct the record.
propublica.org/article/the-cl…

To start. One of the great paradoxes of living on an overheating planet: I'm terrified, angry, and frustrated by climate inaction, but I still enjoy life and smile and laugh a lot. I'm not depressed at all. The photographers told us not to smile. We smiled in many of the pictures

Climate emotions are complex and personal. I know climate depression is real but I don't think we "should" or "shouldn't" be depressed over climate. It's just a fact that I am not. I was depressed while in college and I am vigilant not to slip back into that. It paralyzed me.

I'm grateful to @lizweil for the piece because it touched so many people. I got dozens (100+?) of heartfelt messages from people on how much it meant to them, how they felt less alone. I knew I was just grist for the story. I knew making myself that vulnerable was a risk.

Sharon and I were both completely honest and open; we both hold truth as a high principle (also why I need to write this thread). I also know that I am a flawed human doing his best on a planet that is heating up fast. This is why "ClimateHuman." I've never claimed to be perfect.

The backpacking trip was a short overnighter. We completed it - we had to get to our campsite for water. It was blazing hot but also crazy humid. Another hiker died down the coast from where we were on Sunday. Both Saturday and Sunday were searing.
cnn.com/2020/09/07/us/….

Why were we out there? I had foolishly assumed that it would be cooler next to the ocean than at our house. I wasn't careful. Sharon really wanted to hike. I'm pretty sure my older son and I both experienced heat exhaustion. I've never felt anything like it.

I've lived in SoCal since autumn 2008, and over that time I haven't needed any analysis to know that extreme heat has been getting worse. My body has been registering this over those 12 years. That's how fast it's changing.

"But Peter’s kids were pissed and his wife was pissed"

My older son Braird is pissed every time we hike, but this time he was heat-exhausted. Neither Sharon or Zane were pissed. (They both handled the heat without heat exhaustion btw.) This sentence was an assumption.

This is gorgeous writing, and true. It was an emotional moment. But with the caveat that "massively depressed" has nothing to do with clinical depression. It was just a really shitty moment for me and connected, bodily, to my climate angst.

For the record: I was speaking on my own behalf, and I always ask not to be identified as working at NASA/JPL in major media venues. Something I hate doing - since it is just a fact. Also it was a 1984 Mercedes, not 1985, but who cares.

The "fossil fuel noise" comment was because, during the interviews, Liz and I both thought it was likely going to be an audio piece, not a print piece. I do hate all the fossil fuel noise, though, it is constant and everywhere. It would be a more beautiful world without it!

"He had more twinkle in his eye..." that's the thing. some of you will hate me for even this, but the fact is that although I know how bad it is, I'm still a happy person overall. (the key, for me, is serious meditation - if I stop meditating, debilitating anxiety creeps in)

Liz picked perhaps the angriest, most angsty tweet I've ever tweeted, and it was an excellent choice for this piece. Of course I do write lots and lots of not-angry tweets too. Just look through my timeline.

https://twitter.com/ClimateHuman/status/1318773568944009216

I don't think "near-term human extinction" is likely. The clause "as we know it" is really important here. I DO believe global heating is likely to change almost every aspect of human (and nonhuman) life on Earth - indeed there is overwhelming evidence it already is.

"For the next eight months, Peter walked around Manhattan, 'freaking out in my brain'..." Guess what, 15 years later and still freaking out in there. But living with it, and trying my best to create change.

OK, so the evolution of my climate concern has been gradual. At the gathering mentioned here, I just said my hope was that he never has to shoot at anyone or be shot at, and that he always has enough to eat. I don't think I mentioned climate explicitly (but it was in my mind).

I've taken criticism for having two kids, which was a mutual decision in our marriage. Back in 2005-2007, I still thought there was every chance that people would wake up big time, like I was in the process of doing, and act! Climate breakdown didn't seem so locked in.

And anyway, it's an unkind thing to ask a father to feel shame about his two beautiful sons. I can't imagine life without them. Plus there's a real chance I wouldn't be doing everything I could to stop this train wreck if they hadn't come along. They changed me, opened me up.

Liz's speculations on why we had two kids are just speculations. The reason we had two kids is that c. 2006 we both thought that civilizations's basic assumption - that the future will be like the present - was still valid. I still thought scientific evidence would wake people up

The night I figured my emissions I was feeling curious more than anything else. When you realize you don't know something it can be surprising, and I didn't know how my actions in daily life translated to climate impact. The fossil fuel disgust I feel has deepened over the years.

In ~2010 climate impact of everyday actions was not good public knowledge. So many lame list-articles on "10 things you can do for the climate" telling people to make sure to unplug cellphone chargers, but not mentioning flying, etc. Not quantitative. Annoying to a scientist.

OK, the poop composting. It's actually a wonderful, profound, hygienic practice. But if you're dead-set against it I will never convince you. Anyway in case you want to learn more about it, and why it's awesome, here you go:
peterkalmus.net/books/read-by-…

The point is that for me, overall, living with less energy (and emissions) is pretty great, in lots of ways. I am extremely well-aware that our "individual actions" alone will not halt climate breakdown.

I still prefer burning less, though, because I know that fossil fuel is literally deadly. Also, it does help with systems change because it helps revoke the social license of fossil fuel and fossil fuel people. There is no bright line between "individual" and "collective."

Sharon (@naturegrrrrl btw) didn't "hate name" Maeby, it was just funny. That old car, a socket set, and carefully chosen spare parts always did get us where we wanted to go. If I could do it over again, though, I don't know if I'd drive on veggie oil. My family did hate it.

I am totally with Sharon on this. The music lessons do feel weird, but I love music and think it's great. As I said above, meditation is also a really important part of my life.

Sharon was actually talking specifically about Roy Scranton here, the author of the book "We're Doomed, Now What," so this is out of context.

My son said "I try not to think about it." I gave Liz the incorrect line and I wish I'd checked with Braird (I'd already probably put in like 12 hours on this project, lots of moving parts). Anyway, I felt compassion and concern, not even slightly like he'd "sunk a dagger."

The part about our fight is pretty accurate. I was a jerk, and I've apologized. It was a bad fight in an overall great marriage. I didn't "decide now would be a good time" though, I was just stressed past a breaking point by all the recent visceral lived reality of global heating

Our marriage is stronger because of it. I'd been repressing, and repressing creates resentment. Sometimes a fight can be a good thing. We love each other very much, and we are partners on this path, and this is a tough time for "normalcy" I think.

More gorgeous writing from @lizweil, from here to the end of the piece. I think she achieved something great here. Anyway, judge me, don't judge me, whatever. Just please act.♥️

Here's her brilliant review of it:
lareviewofbooks.org/contributor/sh…

Also FWIW we probably captured 6 or 8 hours of interview, and a LOT of that was discussing systems change, capitalism, degrowth, theories of change, etc. Wish at least some of that stuff could have made it in. I am pretty big on systems change.

btw I study other stuff too. the thing that ties it all together for me is satellite data: figuring out how to make it better, and to use it better in science applications. I started out looking at clouds and now I'm increasingly interested in extreme weather and biodiversity.