Thread by @stevecusswords

Two helpful concepts when looking at anxiety:

1: Consider anxiety as an 'agent' by which I mean it has agency. My argument has always been that anxiety has agency over us before we know it and it displaces our awareness of God.

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Many see anxiety as neutral. I see it as nefarious.

It has agency over you and it sends a message of doom.

So becoming aware of anxiety's grip, knowing your recurring triggers and knowing the truth of God's love can really keep it from wreaking havoc.

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The second dynamic is power. Lately, especially with all the horrendous power abuses by some Christian leaders, we are thinking about power in terms of gender, race, hierarchy, acclaim etc. This is all good and right and I am grateful for the voices leading us well in that.

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But anxiety generates power too. Sometimes it is the least 'powerful' person in the room who holds the most power if they are anxious.

A simple example would be a toddler having a public meltdown at a supermarket. That child has POWER, because that child is anxious.

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And the parent is 'catching' the toddler's anxiety. So are the supermarket staff. The parent is almost a HOSTAGE to the toddler.

I have raised 3 kids. I have left a cart full of groceries more than a few times in my life, while whisking my child home.

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So in team meetings, who has the power? Inexplicably, it can be the person who feels powerless. The person who always feels overwhelmed by their problems.

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The person who only speaks when spoken to. The person who is always 'yeah, but' and not offering. constructive help, the skeptic etc.

It isn't about overpowering them, it is about noticing how anxiety and power relate and leading well through the shift in power dynamic.

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To be absolutely clear, this is different from an abuse victim bravely coming forward to confront a person with immense positional power, only to be dismissed and then tragically further abused and marginalized.

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This is about the every day dynamic of how anxiety spreads in a group. How one person can tank a whole group with the drip, drip, drip of criticism or gossip, the anger outburst, the offense.

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A healthy leader knows:

anxiety spreads in a group and we catch each other's anxiety

UNLESS

a calm leader knows how to notice anxiety's spread and can watch the power shift, keeping it in balance without diminishing the anxious person.

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It is a tricky balance. It is why a good leader needs an afternoon nap like Churchill. But it is a gear that few leaders engage. Instead they get spun up because their people are spun up. Or they demonize a team member, thinking, 'there he goes again.'

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When organizations bring me in, most want me to focus on the inner life of a leader. I get it. We want relief, we want to understand ourselves better. It is essential work.

But until we learn about these dynamics, we will continue to battle more anxiety than we need.

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