Thread by @cicerfics

Been sitting on this concept for a while. So I'm just gonna go ahead and yammer about it.

You know what I want? I want a wangxian Gusu-era AU that's just, like.

An extended comedy of errors.

To begin, let's say that the fight between WWX and JZX never happens.

No evils Wens or Yin iron either.

Nobody gets thrown out of Cloud Recesses. Everything's chill.

Anyway, the kiddos return to Lotus Pier.

JFM and YZY are starting to think about arranging a marriage for their son.

You know who's beautiful, a skilled cultivator, and a highly eligible match? Why, the Second Jade of Lan, of course!

They ask JC what he thinks of Lan Wangji.

"He's okay," JC shrugs.

He's not a LWJ stan, exactly. But LWJ was...tolerable during their time at Cloud Recesses.

LWJ was boring and standoffish, true.

But he also didn't pester JC about dumb stuff. He put up with JC's dumb brother causing problems on purpose.

He didn't have WWX thrown out of Cloud Recesses. Not even after WWX touched his sacred Lan ribbon that EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN'T TOUCH, WEI WUXIAN.

LWJ was kind of an annoying Hall Monitor, yeah. But he was okay.

This is fairly high praise from JC! For once, JFM and YZY are on the same page. They look at each other and nod.

They decide to invite Lan Wangji to visit Lotus Pier.

Like, it's a formal invitation. A come-check-out-our-home-and-see-if-you-wanna-marry-into-it invitation.

LQR agrees, because why the hell not.

He doesn't wanna offend the Jiangs by saying no right off the bat!

He also doesn't want his nephew to marry out, but hey: this is not the worst match in the world! The future Sect Leader Jiang would be a pretty decent spouse.

(Note: LQR does not tell his nephew that this invite is a sign of a potential betrothal! He thinks that goes without saying.)

(Meanwhile, LXC also does not say anything. Because

a) He thinks it's funnier that way!

b) If LWJ knows, he will say no. And LXC doesn't wanna discourage his baby bro from going to see WWX again!)

LWJ agrees to the visit immediately, without thinking through the implications.

His brain is just going, "Wei Ying??!?! See Wei Ying??!!? Visit Wei Ying??!!!?? Wei Ying??!!!!?!????"

No other thoughts. Head completely empty.

Anyway. LWJ arrives in Lotus Pier.

Just before his arrival, WWX (shockingly!) buys a vowel.

He figures out what's going on! His family is trying to arrange a marriage between Lan Zhan and his brother!

He's crushed! But he's determined to be supportive.

After all, JC is the best. Lan Zhan is the best, too. And because they're the best, they DESERVE the best.

So if they decide they want to marry each other, WWX can't be selfish. He can't interfere with their happiness!

So LWJ is welcomed formally.

Everybody is very gracious to him, and tries to make sure he has a good visit.

JC doesn't really notice that part. He thinks they're all just trying to suck up to the Second Jade.

LWJ is No Thoughts, Head Empty, Pining After Wei Ying.

Everybody contrives to give the JC and LWJ a lot of alone time. 😏

It goes...okay. They don't really do much talking. But they go and look at the training grounds, and they discuss some night-hunting business. They manage not to annoy each other.

So it's a lukewarm success! JFM and YZY are pleased.

But one day, JYL stumbles across LWJ after he and JC finish spending an afternoon together.

LWJ has a very lovesick look on his face. He is, at this very moment, gazing wistfully at the lotus lake at twilight.

(He is, of course, thinking of Wei Ying.)

...JYL tragically misinterprets the situation.

She's thinking of her own arranged marriage. Specifically: the part where she has feelings for her fiancé, but he's seemingly indifferent to her.

So she jumps to a false conclusion.

She rushes to say a lot of very nice things to LWJ, in an attempt to cheer him up!

JYL: You know, we're all hoping that someday you'll be part of our family. Officially. 😉

LWJ: !!!

JYL: I know that unrequited feelings can be painful. But don't lose hope! I'm sure he likes you more than he lets on. 🤗

LWJ: !!!!!!!

JYL: A-Cheng will definitely come around in time!

...LWJ is rather confused by that bit. Why are they talking about Jiang Wanyin all of a sudden?

But who cares! Wei Ying's sister thinks there's some hope! Maybe Wei Ying likes him back!

They both walk away from that conversation feeling very satisfied with their wonderful communication skills.

They have completely talked at cross-purposes.

JYL wants this marriage to work out. So she tries talking up LWJ whenever JC is around! She points out all his wonderful qualities and why he'll make a great husband someday!

WWX is fundamentally incapable of NOT talking about how great Lan Zhan is. So he always chips in with a bunch of praise of his own.

At first, JYL thinks he's just helping out the plot and trying to play matchmaker.

But then, as everybody starts discreetly moving toward a formal betrothal, it dawn on her.

A-Xian is miserable. He's depressed. He keeps sneaking wistful looks in Lan Wangji's direction.

...Oh noooooooo.

He has a crush on A-Cheng's fiancé!

Lan Wangji is, of course, very much in love with A-Cheng!

This is absolutely tragic for her poor A-Xian!

JYL is so dismayed.

She tries to comfort him, but he insists that it's okay.

'Self-sacrifice' is, of course, WWX's middle name! So he just wants Lan Zhan and his brother to be happy, that's all.

His feelings don't matter, as long as they can have a good marriage and take care of each other.

Anyway, stuff happens.

Somewhere toward the end of the visit, Feelings Can No Longer Be Restrained.

LWJ and WWX end up making out dramatically in the rain, or some shit.

But once they catch their breath, WWX is immediately DISTRAUGHT.

He's a horrible person! How could he betray his own brother like this!

And hey, for that matter, how could Lan Zhan betray his fiancé!

LWJ: What.

WWX: How could you cheat on my brother!

LWJ: *lowkey qi deviating*
LWJ: WHAT.

WWX: I mean, I know I'm to blame, too! More to blame than you, because it's MY BROTHER.
WWX: But still! You shouldn't treat him this way, he's gonna be your husband! You have to be faithful, no matter what!

LWJ: ಠ_ಠ

LWJ finally persuades WWX that, no, really, he has no idea where this "fiancé" stuff is coming from.

WWX: ...

LWJ: ...

WWX: DID YOU NOT REALIZE THAT YOU WERE BEING SENT HERE FOR A BETROTHAL

LWJ: *qi deviation intensifies*

So WWX drags LWJ off to confront his brother. He kicks down the door to his brother's room.

Both he and LWJ are rain-soaked, disheveled, and probably look like two people who were just furiously making out.

WWX: JIANG CHENG. PLEASE CONFIRM TO LAN ZHAN THAT YOU TWO ARE ENGAGED.

JC: *chokes violently on his tea, also narrowly escapes qi deviation*

JYL gets roped into this. LWJ and JC think that maybe WWX came up with this crazy idea on his own.

JYL patiently explains that no, he didn't. An arranged marriage is definitely what's happening here.

Did they, uh. Did they not realize that?

They did not.

WWX interrupts so he can dramatically confess!

He must account for his sins!

He and Lan Zhan just made out in the rain for like ten minutes!

JC: Ew? Don't tell me that, I don't need to know.

WWX: AREN'T YOU ANGRY? BETRAYED? HAVE WE CRUSHED YOUR SOUL WITH OUR PERFIDY?

JC: For fuck's sake. It's not like I want to kiss Lan Wangji!
JC: ...No offense.

LWJ, deeply disgusted at the idea: None taken. 🤢

Anyway, everything is finally resolved!

...LOL PSYCH. NO IT ISN'T.

WWX and LWJ are happily in love!

JC is grossed out by their love, but certainly not brokenhearted.

(He doesn't really care who WWX marries, as long as WWX's spouse marries into Lotus Pier. JC only cares about whether he gets to keep his brother.)

JYL is desperately relieved!

But now they need to figure out how to kill the idea of a betrothal between JC and LWJ. Then they have to arrange a new one between LWJ and WWX.

Shenanigans ensue!

NHS gets involved. JZX is dragged into this too, for some reason.

It dawns on him that he is, in fact, in love with JYL. More shenanigans and miscommunication!

I don't know what happens next. Probably they figure out that JFM won't care who marries LWJ, as long as SOMEBODY in his family marries LWJ.

But YZY will be salty as fuck if WWX gets an illustrious marriage and her son doesn't!

Maybe NHS suggests an arranged marriage with JC, as a sort of consolation prize?

If JC isn't gonna marry Sect Leader Lan's younger brother, at least he can marry Sect Leader Nie's younger brother? That's ALMOST as good, right?

Whatever happens, it works out. YZY is grudgingly on board. JFM is on board. LWJ swears that his brother is on board.

Now we just gotta deal with LQR.

...I don't know how they manage that, I really don't. Maybe they have to tell LQR that one (or both) of them are pregnant.

WWX: WE HAVE TO MARRY, GRANDMASTER. You don't want your grand-nephew to carry the stigma of illegitimacy, do you? 😔

LQR: *also qi deviating*

LQR: YOU ARE BOTH BOYS, PREGNANCY IS NOT A POSSIBILITY.

WWX: OR IS IT?

...Well, shit. LQR knows damn well that CSSR's gremlin of a son has a talent for strange talismans.

Is is possible for one (or both) of them to be pregnant? He doesn't even know anymore!

LXC is quietly dying of smothered laughter in the corner.

But he affirms that his niece or nephew must not be illegitimate. A wedding must be arranged posthaste!

So they marry in beautiful splendor!

Because this one isn't a/b/o-verse, there are no actual wangxian babies.

But let's say they stumble across recently-orphaned A-Yuan, six months after the wedding!

So they bring him home like, "BEHOLD, OUR SON. Thank goodness we got married so he wouldn't be illegitimate. 😩"

Everyone lives happily (and stupidly) ever after, the end.