Thread by @monaeltahawy

A woman I don’t know very well sent me some shit recently and I have spent days wanting to hurt her. I know I can. Not physically but psychically, emotionally. I have the power to. I fought back but I want to hurt her more. And I am astonished at how much I want to hurt her.

At what it says about me and the ways we hurt each other. At the fallacy of “women’s solidarity” and the ways we hurt each other. And is it like this because we can’t hurt the systems and structures that hurt us the most or because sometimes people are just shit.

I’m also breathless at the thought that perhaps I want to hurt her because there’s something about her that resembles something in my that I hate.

And how this fucking pandemic has me spending so much time in my head thinking things like this.

I say that knowing:
-women are not inherently “good” by virtue of womanhood. I stopped thinking that a long time ago

-I’m saying it out loud because I’m buying time & talking myself down from hurting her

-I’m not a turn-the-other-check person. I will fuck you up if you hurt me

Ultimately, this has me thinking about power.

What is a sign of power:
- hurting someone because you know that you can
- not hurting someone even though you know you can.

And the funny thing about this thread is that I could be talking about at least three or four women at the moment.

Thank you all who engaged and responded so thoughtfully 💜✊🏽❤️ This isn’t about beating someone up. I talk about that here. It’s about another kind of power feministgiant.com/p/i-beat-my-as…

I’ll turn this thread into a deeper examination of this other power.

I feel relief that I have said this out loud and challenged myself publicly to reckon with this.

💜✊🏽❤️

Love and solidarity 💜✊🏽❤️