Thread by @frodofied

My mom used to tell people that I was the easiest pregnancy she ever had, but the I paid her back by being her most difficult birth.

I weighed nearly 11 lbs at birth and my mom said she struggled with managing my weight for my first eighteen months. By one I was 45 lbs..

1/

This might amuse some who know me given I have struggled with keeping weight on for most of my life, but I got a strange flu when I was almost two and lost the weight.

It never came back.

My mom insisted that I "struggled to be born, and then struggled everyday after."

2/

In the last years of her life, when we spent all of our waking hours together, my mom shared a lot of things she never thought she would share with me or any of her children.

"I always knew you were gay. A mother just knows. And I hate knowing that."

3/

She thought that I would take my own life.

"Your softness scared me and still does. I would watch the same people.mistreat you over and over and watch you forgive them everytime. I still watch you do it and it's very hard.".

4/

My mom spent most of my adolescence trying to protect me from the world. Bur she had other children and other things in her life too. She could only do so mych.

I was barely 16 when I left home and mom said that she had never been as sad or as grateful as the day I left.

5/

"If you had stayed here I know that your life would have ended sooner than later and probably by your own hand. I just know it. It was something I just always believed."

I didn't want that for you and I didn't want to give any of them the opportunity to pretend they cared.

6/