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4 Mar, 4 tweets, 1 min read
I can't behave like a neurotypical in my friendships- and I no longer see this as a bad thing. It's just a thing. So I've stopped angsting over behaviour that I can't help. It's okay if people decide our friendship isn't for them. But I can't sustain being someone I'm not.
I can totally see why some of my characteristics are frustrating in friendships. I suck at replying to messages, I double book by accident, I drive things to deep conversation accidentally. But also, I've spent my whole life trying to not do those things and still do them.
Because of that, I know no amount of guilt is going to get me to change my behavior long term. I will always slip back into being who I am, the mask will always slip off eventually. And with some friendships, these things are never issues anyway- we just click regardless.
So I've stopped working against myself to meet neurotypical friendship norms. I know that means I can't meet the friendship needs of some. That's fine. One of my friendships needs is being able to be authentic. I'm done beating myself up for what is just a lack of compatibility.

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More from @AdhdAngsty

adhd-angsty Profile picture
5 Mar
Are you the "struggles to makes friends easily" ADHDer or the "makes friends with people you don't even get along with by accident" ADHDer?

If you are the second one (like I was), some v simple tips:
1. Conversations about deep things are interpreted as intimacy by neurotypical people. If you push to talk about "big" things (like family, politics, feelings), people may think you are close to them (even if that's just what you like talking about to everyone).
2. I know internalised ableism has made you build a mask, and that part of that mask is never disagreeing with people, but you're allowed to disagree with people! Not doing so will make them think you share the same views and values, and they will seek you out more.
Read 6 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
24 Feb
For an ADHD diagnosis, the DSM requires "clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, school, or work functioning."

Medical professionals define what this looks like, not ADHDers. Here are some issues with this approach (thread, 1/11)
When doctors look for evidence of symptoms that interfere with functioning, they're looking for external evidence of this e.g. bad grades, poor work history, risk taking behaviour, and so forth. It's a tickbox approach- and one that has a myriad of limitations.
First, the requirement of "clear evidence" ignores the fact that many undiagnosed ADHDers experience a great deal of shame. We are often told from a young age that our symptoms are actually moral failings, and so use coping mechanisms to HIDE our ADHD behaviors.
Read 11 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
23 Feb
Can you please retweet or like this tweet if you have anxiety and/or depression AND adhd?

Have had multiple friends report being told by doctors that they "just have anxiety" so can't have ADHD. So many of us ADHDers have both!
Usually I hate "trying to see something" tweets bc they always feel like people just trawling for likes. In this case I do actually want traction, but because I'm so tired of hearing about people who are dismissed because they're anxious/depressed.
The MAJORITY of ADHDers I know have anxiety and/or depression, especially those of us who got to adulthood without a diagnosis/treatment. Undiagnosed ADHD is damn hard and the coping mechanisms we form and the impacts on our mental health are often pretty bad.
Read 4 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
22 Feb
God I miss words! I miss the thrill of capturing a complex thought or feeling and managing to articulate it though writing. My arms get too sore to type or text much these days and I can't even express how much I miss pulling together a contemplative twitter thread.
I know we are supposed to pretend we don't care about tweeting but I miss being present here. Like, I'm still shitposting occasionally and sharing things like this impulsively but it's not the same as painstakingly drafting out a series of ideas for people to easily engage with.
Even these two tweets are hurting too much! Chronic pain seriously robs you of things that are integral to your sense of self and I'm so tired of slowly losing the parts of me that I love.
Read 4 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
14 Feb
I don't want #Music to become a "cult classic" like I've seen some articles claim it will be. Yeah, it seems like it's on the same level as Cats and The Room. But it's ableist to the core and I don't trust people to watch it 'ironically' without making fun of autistic people.
Neurotypicals saying they'll see it as a "fun hate watch" makes it clear that they're engaging with the bad reviews, but not the disabled voices screaming out about how dangerous the representation is. Will they think about the ableism as they watch? Or will they laugh at it?
If they're laughing, do they really get it? Do they get how much harm this movie has already done, how many autistic people are feeling unsafe because of it? I loveeee to watch things ironically but watching something like this in a tongue-in-cheek way just feels wrong to me.
Read 4 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
3 Jan
Did you know fatigue is one of the most common symptoms of #ADHD? I didn't- I spent over ten years telling people I felt exhausted all of the time, and nobody connected the dots.

There's a few ADHD experiences tied to fatigue that many of us struggle with:
Understimulation: Ever try to start on a task you've been putting off, only to feel fatigued? You might be understimulated, and your boredom is manifesting as brain fog. Often you'll find it'll fade after some positive stimulation, but return as soon as you try the task again.
Overstimulation: You're out with friends at a bar, and the music is blaring and all of a sudden keeping up with the conversation is exhausting. You're overstimulated. While understimulation feels like brain fog, overstimulation can feel like overload, heat or static in your head.
Read 9 tweets

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