Thread by @HowtoADHD

Telling someone they should “take time for themselves,” “learn how to be alone,” “have a life outside work/partner/whatever” doesn’t help if they don’t know what that means. I’ve spent the last few weekends in tears b/c I don’t know what to do when no one needs anything from me.

Like a lot of people with #ADHD, I’ve spent so much of my life just trying to meet everyone’s (neurotypical) expectations or deal with one crisis after another or play catch-up from constantly falling behind that I don’t even know what “down time” MEANS.

My therapist finally explained this to me really well.

We all have this enormous capacity for doing stuff.

But that capacity is (and should be) limited by our values.

We could work all the time (or spend all our free time with our person) if nothing else mattered to us...

But really? Other stuff does. We all have values. Things that are important to us. For me it’s things like “having time to wander,” “being a good dog mom,” “having a home I feel comfortable in,” “playfulness,” “touch.” “Belonging.” these are what fulfill me.

So no, I don’t need “down time,” where I walk around my house feeling a bit lost and confused as to what exactly that even means. I need to build things into my schedule that are in line with my values. Things that are important to me. Even if none of them involve “down time.”

Because honestly? “Down time” I will schedule over. “Down time” I will get bored and start a new project. “Down time” I will fill with whatever anyone else wants from me because that’s what I have learned to do. I don’t know how to sit still. I have ADHD. And I think that’s okay.

Tl;dr — I think for those of us with #ADHD, unstructured “down time” doesn’t really work for us. We don’t know what to *do* with it so we default to what we know — video games, work, bingeing food/TV/whatever. Not what will actually recharge or fulfill us.