1/
My patient died the other day. One often described as “cantankerous" and known for his legendary cuss-outs and kick-outs from his room.
And one who was sick.
"Cantankerous" by definition is:
bad-tempered
argumentative
uncooperative
A bad rap if you're a patient.
Yup.
My patient died the other day. One often described as “cantankerous" and known for his legendary cuss-outs and kick-outs from his room.
And one who was sick.
"Cantankerous" by definition is:
bad-tempered
argumentative
uncooperative
A bad rap if you're a patient.
Yup.
2/
On my first day meeting him he told me to go away. Let me know he didn’t give a damn about me “needing to take a look” or “just give a quick listen.”
I explained that I was the senior doctor and he sucked his teeth hard. Then sighed and quickly had a comeback.
Mmm hmm.
On my first day meeting him he told me to go away. Let me know he didn’t give a damn about me “needing to take a look” or “just give a quick listen.”
I explained that I was the senior doctor and he sucked his teeth hard. Then sighed and quickly had a comeback.
Mmm hmm.
3/
Him: “Well, how ‘bout you carry your 'senior doctor' self down to the cafeteria and talk to them 'bout my food!”
Me: “What’s wrong with your food?”
Him: *glaring* “What’s not?” He lifted the top on the plate and slammed it back down.
Then he told me to beat it. Verbatim.
Him: “Well, how ‘bout you carry your 'senior doctor' self down to the cafeteria and talk to them 'bout my food!”
Me: “What’s wrong with your food?”
Him: *glaring* “What’s not?” He lifted the top on the plate and slammed it back down.
Then he told me to beat it. Verbatim.
4/
He was so sick that some days he was too confused or somnolent to even speak to me. He’d grimace and swat me away. Then there were these periods of lucency where he’d be just alert enough to cuss me out or dress me down about the food.
On this one day, I broke through.
He was so sick that some days he was too confused or somnolent to even speak to me. He’d grimace and swat me away. Then there were these periods of lucency where he’d be just alert enough to cuss me out or dress me down about the food.
On this one day, I broke through.
5/
Me: “If you could eat what you wanted, what would you eat?”
Him: *squinting* “Some Popeyes. Not the sandwich neither. The regular chicken.”
I thought about his deteriorating health. I registered his lengthy stay and lack of visitors. And the loneliness he must have felt.
Me: “If you could eat what you wanted, what would you eat?”
Him: *squinting* “Some Popeyes. Not the sandwich neither. The regular chicken.”
I thought about his deteriorating health. I registered his lengthy stay and lack of visitors. And the loneliness he must have felt.
6/
Me: “I’ll get you some Popeyes.”
Him: *scowling* “Yeah right. Don't make no promise you ain't gon' keep."
After that, he told me to beat it. Again.
I meant to follow through on my offer. But the following day he was confused again and that shifted our focus.
So I forgot.
Me: “I’ll get you some Popeyes.”
Him: *scowling* “Yeah right. Don't make no promise you ain't gon' keep."
After that, he told me to beat it. Again.
I meant to follow through on my offer. But the following day he was confused again and that shifted our focus.
So I forgot.
7/
Fortunately, that day after he was more alert and back to kicking everyone out.
Including the senior doctor.
As I peeled off my PPE after leaving his room, I remembered my broken promise.
Shit.
Our team was on call. It was past 2PM. And I knew I couldn't leave.
Shit.
Fortunately, that day after he was more alert and back to kicking everyone out.
Including the senior doctor.
As I peeled off my PPE after leaving his room, I remembered my broken promise.
Shit.
Our team was on call. It was past 2PM. And I knew I couldn't leave.
Shit.
8/
I pulled out my phone and texted The BHE* at work.
Me: “Are you super busy?”
BHE: *no answer*
Me: “Can you go get my patient some Popeyes? Not a sandwich but the chicken.”
BHE: *no answer*
Shit.
*what I call Mr. Manning
I pulled out my phone and texted The BHE* at work.
Me: “Are you super busy?”
BHE: *no answer*
Me: “Can you go get my patient some Popeyes? Not a sandwich but the chicken.”
BHE: *no answer*
Shit.
*what I call Mr. Manning
9/
The next call from the BHE came from the Popeyes drive thru around 2:45PM while I was rounding. He ended up physically leaving work to go fulfill my request. To get this patient some Popeyes chicken who, for privacy reasons, I couldn’t even tell him anything about.
Swoon.
The next call from the BHE came from the Popeyes drive thru around 2:45PM while I was rounding. He ended up physically leaving work to go fulfill my request. To get this patient some Popeyes chicken who, for privacy reasons, I couldn’t even tell him anything about.
Swoon.
10/
And that man. Oh, that sweet, dear man. He bought him ALL the Popeyes. A 2 piece white AND a 2 piece dark. Biscuits. Dirty rice. And mashed potatoes, too.
He also included a tea so sweet and so big that I couldn’t give it to my patient.
But I loved that he did.
And that man. Oh, that sweet, dear man. He bought him ALL the Popeyes. A 2 piece white AND a 2 piece dark. Biscuits. Dirty rice. And mashed potatoes, too.
He also included a tea so sweet and so big that I couldn’t give it to my patient.
But I loved that he did.
11/
And before you judge me--I know. Even without a dietary restriction, an internist going out to get fried chicken for her patient is fraught with peril. But I also know that being isolated, ill, labeled, and misunderstood is, too.
Yeah, it is.
And before you judge me--I know. Even without a dietary restriction, an internist going out to get fried chicken for her patient is fraught with peril. But I also know that being isolated, ill, labeled, and misunderstood is, too.
Yeah, it is.
12/
Oh, was he happy. Like, tears happy. He ate every single bite and thanked me every single time I came into his room after that. He told me he couldn’t believe it. Especially that I remembered and that my husband left his job to go to get it.
We got on great after that.
Oh, was he happy. Like, tears happy. He ate every single bite and thanked me every single time I came into his room after that. He told me he couldn’t believe it. Especially that I remembered and that my husband left his job to go to get it.
We got on great after that.
13/
Super great. So great that he welcomed me into the room. Asked how I was doing. And even invited me to pull up a chair in my PPE and "stay a minute."
I declared him my FP. Even though I know we aren't supposed to have favorite patients, he was mine. My FP.
And I loved him.
Super great. So great that he welcomed me into the room. Asked how I was doing. And even invited me to pull up a chair in my PPE and "stay a minute."
I declared him my FP. Even though I know we aren't supposed to have favorite patients, he was mine. My FP.
And I loved him.
14/
He was not bad-tempered, argumentative, or uncooperative. He was funny. And quick-witted.
He liked to cook. And dance. And cuss!
He thought grits with lumps were a sin. But the only sin worse than lumpy grits was adding sugar to them instead of salt and butter.
Mmm hmm.
He was not bad-tempered, argumentative, or uncooperative. He was funny. And quick-witted.
He liked to cook. And dance. And cuss!
He thought grits with lumps were a sin. But the only sin worse than lumpy grits was adding sugar to them instead of salt and butter.
Mmm hmm.
15/
His fragile health took a turn for the worse. I'd transitioned off of the hospital service so wasn't there. He fought a good fight but his many decades + milieu of chronic health conditions were no match this time.
My resident reached out to share that he’d passed away.
His fragile health took a turn for the worse. I'd transitioned off of the hospital service so wasn't there. He fought a good fight but his many decades + milieu of chronic health conditions were no match this time.
My resident reached out to share that he’d passed away.
16/
I immediately broke down crying. I cried because every single person deserves to be so significant that they are mourned and missed. And also because there is always an extra mile that we can go to help our patients feel more whole.
Even when we can’t fix the problems.
I immediately broke down crying. I cried because every single person deserves to be so significant that they are mourned and missed. And also because there is always an extra mile that we can go to help our patients feel more whole.
Even when we can’t fix the problems.
17/
I loved him. And I am sad that he is gone.
But.
I am happy he is at peace and no longer suffering. And that he got to have that Popeyes chicken.
I'm grateful that I got the chance to see beyond the cloak of that word that had been used to describe him:
"cantankerous."
I loved him. And I am sad that he is gone.
But.
I am happy he is at peace and no longer suffering. And that he got to have that Popeyes chicken.
I'm grateful that I got the chance to see beyond the cloak of that word that had been used to describe him:
"cantankerous."
18/
Chatting one day:
Him: “The thang about Popeyes is that I don’t care WHICH one you go to or WHAT time. That damn chicken guaranteed to taste good!”
Me: “No lies told.”
Him: “If somebody offer me some Popeyes and I say no? Call 911. Cause something ain’t right.”
*laughter*
Chatting one day:
Him: “The thang about Popeyes is that I don’t care WHICH one you go to or WHAT time. That damn chicken guaranteed to taste good!”
Me: “No lies told.”
Him: “If somebody offer me some Popeyes and I say no? Call 911. Cause something ain’t right.”
*laughter*
19/
Is Popeyes Chicken a healthy choice? Well. That depends upon which health you’re talking about. In this case? It absolutely was.
Sigh.
I’m waiting for this job to stop affecting me this way. For the losses not to hurt so much.
It hasn’t happened.
Is Popeyes Chicken a healthy choice? Well. That depends upon which health you’re talking about. In this case? It absolutely was.
Sigh.
I’m waiting for this job to stop affecting me this way. For the losses not to hurt so much.
It hasn’t happened.
20/
So yeah. I'm crying about losing my FP. And no, I am not sorry. About that or getting him that chicken.
Nope.
I always want to feel all the feels of this job. And if I get to the point where I don't? Call 911. ‘Cause something ain’t right.
#humanismalways #loveisthewhat💛
So yeah. I'm crying about losing my FP. And no, I am not sorry. About that or getting him that chicken.
Nope.
I always want to feel all the feels of this job. And if I get to the point where I don't? Call 911. ‘Cause something ain’t right.
#humanismalways #loveisthewhat💛
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