1/
I was talking to this person who said something that made me uncomfortable. The kind of thing that is best to think in your head instead of saying out loud.
Wait. I take that back.
I'm glad they said it out loud. Because sometimes it's good to know how people feel.
Yup.
I was talking to this person who said something that made me uncomfortable. The kind of thing that is best to think in your head instead of saying out loud.
Wait. I take that back.
I'm glad they said it out loud. Because sometimes it's good to know how people feel.
Yup.
2/
Them: "If I see one more article or hear 1 more presentation or podcast on anything related to racism or diversity, I'm going to pluck out my eyeballs."
They laughed when they said that. And me, who felt sort of ambushed by hearing this statement spoken out loud, just froze.
Them: "If I see one more article or hear 1 more presentation or podcast on anything related to racism or diversity, I'm going to pluck out my eyeballs."
They laughed when they said that. And me, who felt sort of ambushed by hearing this statement spoken out loud, just froze.
3/
Them: "Every journal. Every conference. Like, give me a break."
Me: *squinting* "Uuuuhhh. . . "
Them: "But come on. . .you have to admit that it's seriously out of control."
I still didn't know what to say.
I awkwardly stared and shrugged. As they continued to talk.
Them: "Every journal. Every conference. Like, give me a break."
Me: *squinting* "Uuuuhhh. . . "
Them: "But come on. . .you have to admit that it's seriously out of control."
I still didn't know what to say.
I awkwardly stared and shrugged. As they continued to talk.
4/
I watched them as they walked away. I tried to imagine the unfiltered conversations on this topic happening between other non-minority people.
I closed my eyes and shook my head. Every permutation I imagined was hurtful.
So I stopped.
I watched them as they walked away. I tried to imagine the unfiltered conversations on this topic happening between other non-minority people.
I closed my eyes and shook my head. Every permutation I imagined was hurtful.
So I stopped.
5/
Those words kept on playing in my head:
"It's seriously out of control."
The more I folded them over in my head, the more upset I became. Not because of the off-hand comment itself. But because those words, taken literally, are accurate.
It's seriously out of control.
Those words kept on playing in my head:
"It's seriously out of control."
The more I folded them over in my head, the more upset I became. Not because of the off-hand comment itself. But because those words, taken literally, are accurate.
It's seriously out of control.
6/
I sat still in my office reflecting on this year. On all that has happened, how busy it has been for some of us, and how hard. I thought of this awakening of the rest of the world to shared discussions of social injustice and anti-racism.
And then I played those words again.
I sat still in my office reflecting on this year. On all that has happened, how busy it has been for some of us, and how hard. I thought of this awakening of the rest of the world to shared discussions of social injustice and anti-racism.
And then I played those words again.
7/
It's seriously out of control.
Ms. Breonna Taylor.
Mr. George Floyd.
Mr. Elijah McClain.
Dr. Susan Moore.
I took a deep breath.
Hurtful articles that get past peer review.
Black women losing academic leadership positions.
Oh, and #COVID.
It's seriously out of control.
Ms. Breonna Taylor.
Mr. George Floyd.
Mr. Elijah McClain.
Dr. Susan Moore.
I took a deep breath.
Hurtful articles that get past peer review.
Black women losing academic leadership positions.
Oh, and #COVID.
8/
Yeah. That.
In the midst of all of this, we've shadow boxed in corners and then came out swinging. Presenting our work until breathless, writing until our fingers cramp, and then returning to the quiet of our own thoughts. Seeking the strength of the ancestors to press on.
Yeah. That.
In the midst of all of this, we've shadow boxed in corners and then came out swinging. Presenting our work until breathless, writing until our fingers cramp, and then returning to the quiet of our own thoughts. Seeking the strength of the ancestors to press on.
9/
Press on. Through this thing that Critical Race Theorist Dr. William Smith first described in 2008:
#RacialBattleFatigue
I say it's the exhaustion of riding the racism struggle bus without a clear view of the nearest stop to get off.
But here's how he described it...
Press on. Through this thing that Critical Race Theorist Dr. William Smith first described in 2008:
#RacialBattleFatigue
I say it's the exhaustion of riding the racism struggle bus without a clear view of the nearest stop to get off.
But here's how he described it...
10/
He called it:
“cumulative result of a natural race-related stress response to distressing mental & emotional conditions. These conditions emerge from constantly facing racially dismissive, demeaning, insensitive and/or hostile racial environments & individuals.”
Yeah. That.
He called it:
“cumulative result of a natural race-related stress response to distressing mental & emotional conditions. These conditions emerge from constantly facing racially dismissive, demeaning, insensitive and/or hostile racial environments & individuals.”
Yeah. That.
11/
And you know? I think that brother was right.
Damn, he was.
So, in that moment, I felt it pressing on my shoulders--that racial battle fatigue. And as exhausting it can be, as a person working in #DEI, the sting of that comment hit different that day.
Damn, it did.
And you know? I think that brother was right.
Damn, he was.
So, in that moment, I felt it pressing on my shoulders--that racial battle fatigue. And as exhausting it can be, as a person working in #DEI, the sting of that comment hit different that day.
Damn, it did.
12/
It left me feeling exposed. Silly, even. A mockery made of all of this work. And this idea that those who who've held power historically have their own new fatigue, too--a fatigue from having to deal with, talk about, read about, or hear about ours.
Damn.
It left me feeling exposed. Silly, even. A mockery made of all of this work. And this idea that those who who've held power historically have their own new fatigue, too--a fatigue from having to deal with, talk about, read about, or hear about ours.
Damn.
13/
And so. I sat in my office and felt it. Closed my laptop, shut off the lights, and wept. The good, strong, chest-heaving kind. I sure did.
And then I stilled myself.
In my ear, I heard one of my sheroes @gcsmd saying, "You can't do this work if you don't have hope."
And so. I sat in my office and felt it. Closed my laptop, shut off the lights, and wept. The good, strong, chest-heaving kind. I sure did.
And then I stilled myself.
In my ear, I heard one of my sheroes @gcsmd saying, "You can't do this work if you don't have hope."
14/
I heard Fannie Lou Hamer bellowing into a microphone that she was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I heard the eloquent rage of Dr. Brittney Cooper and the spark of determination in medical students like @LashNolen and @OsoseOboh.
Then I wiped my eyes and sat tall.
I heard Fannie Lou Hamer bellowing into a microphone that she was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I heard the eloquent rage of Dr. Brittney Cooper and the spark of determination in medical students like @LashNolen and @OsoseOboh.
Then I wiped my eyes and sat tall.
15/
This is so much bigger than 2020 and current events. It's also about more than themes for conferences and newly appointed diversity chairs.
For a lot of us, it's about hope and survival. Not the latest "hot topic."
Did I mention? Someone said that, too.
Mmm hmm.
This is so much bigger than 2020 and current events. It's also about more than themes for conferences and newly appointed diversity chairs.
For a lot of us, it's about hope and survival. Not the latest "hot topic."
Did I mention? Someone said that, too.
Mmm hmm.
16/
Listen:
This is a long run, y'all. An ultra-long run that has finally been routed through some paths previously avoided. And if you aren't use to it, it can be tiring. I get it.
But don't let the hustle fool you--we tired, too. Okay?
That is all.👊🏾
#stayintherace
Listen:
This is a long run, y'all. An ultra-long run that has finally been routed through some paths previously avoided. And if you aren't use to it, it can be tiring. I get it.
But don't let the hustle fool you--we tired, too. Okay?
That is all.👊🏾
#stayintherace
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