Thread by @erikaheidewald

If you’re LGBTQ and not autistic and opposed to autistic people using the word Pride bc you think it appropriates your struggle, I am going to need you to shut the fuck up and go educate yourself about autistic people, gender, and sexuality. It’s the same struggle. We’re you.

Autistic people do not have the same relationship to gender and sexuality that allistic people do because social constructs are not real to us. Interpreting the words the way they were originally defined, no autistic people are cis. We can’t be put in that box by default.

Lots of autistic people identify as cishet for the same reason lots of allistic queer and trans people did at one time - intense social pressure and not seeing any other options. Even many terms used in the queer community don’t fit us well. We are so alone.

Research shows that autistic people are 3x more likely to identify as queer or trans than allistic people and that most autistic women identify as queer. But that doesn’t even get at all the queer people who don’t know they’re autistic and vice versa - and there are a *lot*

Informally I’ve done polls on twitter about gender identity and only 25% of the autistic people who responded felt totally comfortable identifying with their assigned gender at birth. Only 25% of us are even OK pretending to be cis! You do not get to shut us out. You do not.

I knew I was queer before I knew I was autistic and holy shit did I struggle. People who have followed me on here for a long time saw me come out as bi, then as gay, then say I wasn’t going to use any labels more specific than queer bc I can’t fit my sexuality into them.

I also knew I did not feel like a girl or woman way before I knew I was autistic. I knew that since I was a little kid. When I tried to talk to allistic LGBT people about it in my early 20s I was shut down so I decided I must be a self-hating cis woman and had to accept it.

Since realizing that I’m autistic and being public about it, I have been more open about not being a woman and I’ve been pushing back at people who call me one. I know now that my feelings were always real even if they didn’t fit allistic LGBTQ labels and narratives.

If you don’t want to include autistic people in the LGBTQ community - even ones who don’t claim a specific LGBTQ identity - that’s your ableism talking, and it’s probably your internalized ableism talking. LGBTQ and neurodivergent people are one big community.

Neurotypical does not mean normal and it is not default. You are not neurotypical just bc you never considered otherwise. It’s impossible to say how many neurotypicals are queer but the only ones I can think of are log cabin republicans and TERFs.

The problem here is that our society has said there’s something wrong with neurodivergent and autistic people. We’re still in the DSM and homosexuality got out. We’re not dragging you back into the DSM. Autism shouldn’t be in there and neurodivergent as a neurotype is not.

If you think having autistic people as part of the LGBT community would mean that queerness is a mental disorder then you’re just fucking ableist because none of our brains are a disorder. I am queer because I am autistic. Same thing. Same brain. Not a disorder.

Even autistic people who identify as cishet bc they haven’t been given other options struggle massively because they can’t fit those confines. They can’t fit the roles that go along with the labels. Allistic partners say they’re not man enough or woman enough. It’s awful.

If you are allistic and LGBTQ, you need to be welcoming autistic people into the LGBTQ community with open arms. Listen to us. Include us. Don’t even ask us how we identify if we don’t tell you bc a lot of us don’t know and trying to figure that out has been traumatic.

The fight for marriage equality & against conversion therapy isn’t over. Disabled people still don’t have marriage equality. Conversion therapy - the exact same thing created by the same Ivar Lovaas - is covered by insurance & recc’d to parents for autistic kids in all 50 states

Even if you only care about the gender and sexuality aspect of conversion therapy - you shouldn’t, but ok - you really think autistic kids in ABA (that’s what they call conversion therapy for autistic kids now) aren’t being made to conform to cishet norms? OF COURSE THEY ARE.

Neurotypical socialization is deeply based in cishet norms. AFAB autistics are tortured until they act like NT girls and AMAB autistics are tortured until they act like NT boys. If you are queer you should be angrily speaking out against ABA bc those kids are in your community.

There’s a lot of talk about masking & why girls and women are diagnosed autistic at 1/4 the rate of boys. AFAB autistics who learn to perform NT cishet socialization don’t get diagnosed. I didn’t learn it though and I didn’t get diagnosed either, I just got labeled a lying bitch

I came out as bi maybe 8 years ago, came out as gay 5 years ago, the only longterm serious relationship of my adult life was with a cis lesbian, I’ve been the target of violence for my sexuality. I am in this and you won’t get rid of me. I am an angry queer & I am autistic.

I keep seeing autistics talk about exclusion from the LGBT community & open harassment they’ve faced for using the word pride and I’m fucking sick of it. The autistics are with me. I invited them all to pride if you fuckers wouldn’t. They didn’t need any of our permission anyway

Autistic people, particularly AFAB but AMAB as well, are victims of lots of sexual trauma on account of our sexuality. There is very little info out there for us. We get assaulted at very high rates, we also consent to experiences we don’t like bc we don’t know what we would like

I spent years after my assaults consenting to experiences I didn’t enjoy or want bc I had no idea how I was supposed to feel. I didn’t know who I was attracted to, nobody treated me well, nobody saw me as a person and definitely nobody saw me as ME, the person that I AM.

I don’t have all the answers for autistic people and sexuality, I don’t have them for myself. I fucking wish I did though bc autistic teens and young people are suffering so much without information about their sexuality and gender. The LGBTQ community can & should help with that

My life started to get better after I met my neurodivergent cis lesbian ex girlfriend who brought me into the queer community, understood me effortlessly, never judged me, and helped me figure myself out. The LGBTQ community is home for autistic people and can save our lives.

Autistic people are appropriating the queer struggle by using the word Pride? No fucking way. Autistics are struggling to even feel any pride. Many queer struggles that allistic queers aren’t suffering in as much anymore are just targeting autistic and trans people now.

If you try to exclude autistic people from Pride, you are stepping on people in your community to try and make your way up in the world. That’s disgusting. The queer community is all of us. Ace, trans, agender, bi, pan, gay, unlabeled, unlabelable.

If you are an allistic queer who thinks autistic people are appropriating your struggle, go look up the words autigender and neuroqueer. Not all autistic people identify with those words, but that will show you how hard we’re trying to explain & understand ourselves. Include us.

If you’re queer, you should see autistic kids in ABA and see yourself. See nonspeaking autistics and see yourself. See autistics who aren’t using the “right” words the “right” way and remember when you were struggling with the words to explain yourself. See yourself in us.

I feel like Molly Brown in the lifeboat looking back at the sinking Titanic and all the people in the water and begging the other wives to turn back. “Those are your queers out there!” (apparently lots of autistic people like Titanic history too, hello to all of you)

Whether the LGBT community welcomes autistic people with open arms or not, autistic people belong here. We are used to never being welcomed with open arms anywhere. If you’re autistic and and get criticized for using the word pride, bookmark this thread & link it in response.

We can end conversion therapy for real. Achieve full marriage equality. Equality in the workplace. We can create a world where we all belong. I’ll be celebrating #AutisticPrideMonth along with #AutismAcceptanceMonth and fighting ableists in #AutismAwarenessMonth. I’ll do it all.

I’m the kind of autistic who likes an overstimulating parade so I’ll be doing poppers at gay pride too and any autistics who want to join can join. This world makes us feel like shit all the time, they can handle me being obnoxiously proud for two months. And the other 10 too.