Thread by @Moofey17

#RedInstead #WorldAutismAwarenessDay #AutismAcceptance

I debated if I should do something like this for today and it's kinda like... why not. So anyways, a thread.

Hi. I'm Adam, though online people sometimes call me "Moofey." I'm a 36 year old male from the Vancouver area.

Currently, I live by myself smack dab in the middle of suburban Vancouver, and I work full time. I enjoy gaming, (I built my own PC even) as well as cycling, sports, motor racing, and taking nice photos.

Now, I'm about to throw a wrench into all of that:

I'm autistic.

Now that I've mentioned that I'm autistic, how do you see everything else that I've said so far?

"Oh, you can't be autistic enough. You live alone and you have a full time job."

My normal-looking life doesn't really match the description of an autistic person, does it?

Here's the thing:

Autism comes in many shapes and sizes. There is no "one size fits all." The experience differs from person to person, and that includes outward expression.

And, if you know me long enough you probably do know that I definitely have outward expressions at times

Living on my own and having a full time job (which is more rare than getting your favorite 5 star unit in a mobile gacha game) doesn't automatically make me "less autistic;" It means that I'm constantly coping with my surroundings.

Overstimulation and masking is a common thing.

For example, at work, I do what I can to reduce the effect of sharper, sudden noises around me. Because I work in a warehouse and almost everyone is driving something, using earplugs is not really an option. (Also, ladies, I'm forklift certified ;) )

Anxiety means I've chosen not to get a drivers' license, and so I'm on public transit, cramming into packed buses and trains (during non-COVID times) filled with the sounds of phones, loud dings, raised voices, etc... The current state of COVID makes me even more anxious.

The need for structure means I get antsy and maybe even cranky if a bus trip is not going as I had envisioned it. I have to tell myself to relax constantly. I usually leave super early at first in anticipation of any problems.

Autism is also a constant battle with your inner conscience. Stress and anxiety are issues for most if not all autistic people. It's enough to knock years if not decades off our lives. Heart disease and suicide are, AFAIK, the two leading causes of death among autistic people.

My job is simple enough that my mind will race and daydream about whatever's on my mind at the time, good or bad, only broken when I come across something or to remain aware of my surroundings. If I'm worried about something, it doesn't leave my mind for the entire shift.

It's almost impossible for me to shut my thought process off, making it difficult to sleep unless I'm very tired, regardless of when.

Included in these anxieties are examples of internalized #ableism; The need to do everything perfectly in order to make up for my shortcomings.

As a result, I get really hard on myself over the smallest of mistakes.

And when I do something good and am recognized for it, I start to get Imposter Syndrome and question if I had actually deserved it.

It's been this that has upset friends of mine.

Speaking of friends, many autistic people like myself find friends and romance to be an insurmountable wall. It also doesn't help that my experiences as a child at school have likely caused me to develop what's being called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

The result is that my childhood experiences have really blurred what a proper friendship looks like and clouded my understanding of the concept of a two-way relationship.

As a result, feelings of being left out, singled out, or the thought of being ignored become triggering.

And I can admit, the constant need for assurance and my wavering trust has put an emotional strain on the friends around me. I've lost many a good friend because of it.

Thankfully, I'm learning more about it and have started to become my own voice of reason in these situations.

Even still, it's common for an autistic person to long for meaningful human connections.

To be honest, even with the pandemic forcing everything online (ie. into an introvert's "zone") I've struggled to feel -not- lonely, even before COVID was a thing.

Also, remember when I said how I work full time and live on my own?

I didn't properly enter the workforce until I was 28.
Also, I've been living independently for a whole two months.

Hesitancy, and a lack of initiative severely delayed both of those.

I have a lot more than I can talk about, but this thread would be getting too long.

The point I'm trying to make is, don't try to judge an autistic person by what you see on the outside. Just because they seem "fine" doesn't take away the internal struggle that autism causes.

Same goes for the "lower-functioning" autistics. Don't judge then by what you see on the outside, because even though they're more outward and "stereotypical," they are capable of the same thought processes that we all have.

#WorldAutismDay has been driven by the narrative of neurotypicals that do just that; Judge autistic people from what they see.

High-functioning? "You're not autistic enough."
Low-functioning? "You're not intelligent enough."

Autism awareness has been lose-lose for autistics.

This year I challenge NTs and autistics alike to change the narrative to one that respects autistics and highlights the need for ethical and meaningful support for autistics of all ages.

Support charities that reflect those values, and also avoid Autism Speaks at all costs.

Reach out to an autistic person in your life and let them know that they matter and that you care about them. It would mean the world to them.

Listen to autistic peoples' firsthand experiences of what it's like to be autistic, instead of vilifying them as "charities" have done.

36 years I've been here, and I'd hope that I'm here 36 years from now.

In the end, it's always been my hope that future generations of autistic people will be able to get the help and respect they deserve from the world around them.

If you read this whole thread, I encourage you to look into more autistic experiences as a whole, especially from the LGBTQQIP2SAA autistic community, who make up a large part of autism self-advocacy. Their and other minorities' stories deserve much more visibility than mine.

In closing, you have the power to make things better with your choices.

Choose to be accepting and to better the life of those around you.

/thread

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