Thread by @vyrthandi

Contrary to what you may imply from the Always Horny trans on Twitter, it seems from conversations I've had with other trans women, both partnered and single, that many are not sexually active.

I think we need to talk about this, and so I offer my experience as a case study.

To be clear, I'm speaking from the experience of a binary trans woman, observing other trans femmes and trans women.

I'm not going to perfectly represent persistently asexual people.

What I have to talk about may or may not apply to any given AMAB trans person.

I should note that I did not have any sexual partners for the first 18 months on HRT.

Also, I am not a sexologist, therapist, or medical expert. I cannot provide a professional opinion, just a layman's observations and opinions.

I hope that is enough for disclaimers.

I am operating under the premise that it is generally healthy for adults to maintain a reasonably active sex life. I do not, however, think that this should be a bludgeon to use against persistently asexual people. I assume they already know the benefits and risks affecting them.

Typically, a MTF HRT regiment includes estrogen and an anti-androgen. It's very normal that this hormonal profile will annihilate or significantly reduce libido, as well as decrease or eliminate spontaneous erections.

Anecdotally, many find these changes to be quite relieving.

Personally, the reduction in my testosterone levels eliminated my libido. It was very rapid. For the first 7 months, starting no more than 2 weeks after I began HRT, my attitudes to sex returned to a prepubescent indifference.

It was as if I had become hormonally asexual.

The only sexual impulses I had affected my budding breasts and the increased sensitivity of my nipples.

(Not to get off topic, but knowing what HRT does to trans women in that first ~year makes me marvel at the ignorance of those who fear, "sexual predators in women's spaces.")

(It seems as absurd as panicking that the 5-year-old boy accompanying his mother into the women's restroom should be regarded as a possible predator.)

I began to worry a lack of blood flow would affect the availability of viable genital tissue to use for reconstructive surgery.

I was never told by any doctor or surgeon that a lack of sexual activity would affect my prospects for surgery. The doctors I asked seemed uncertain.

Extensive searches provided me with no authoritative information. But I could see what HRT was doing to me, if I cared to check.

I cannot recall if I asked my surgeon prior to surgery. This would have been August/September of 2019, and my consultation with my surgeon would not be until mid-December of that year.

I also tucked. All day, every day.

Between tucking and HRT, the volume of my testes had decreased substantially in that period. I hadn't paid better attention. I just noticed one day that they were maybe 1/4 of the original size, or perhaps even smaller.

This didn't reduce the surface area of my scrotal tissue.

Nor did it appear to be reducing the surface area of my (then) always flaccid phallus.

To any cis guy, this may sound hellish, but most trans women will understand the pure joy I felt for those first 7 months. It was positively liberating.

I no longer felt like I was enslaved to some sexual form of mind control. My thoughts were my own, free of constant urges and impulses. I could focus better and think clearly.

I finally no longer felt hormonal. I just felt normal, or at least what normal should feel like for me.

I could focus on more important things regarding my transition. Coming out, learning how to apply makeup, training my voice, social transition, experimenting with fashion. I also learned about trans issues, history, and culture. And then I learned about Blanchard.

What. A. Fuck.

I do not think it would be inaccurate to ascribe deserved blame to Blanchard and his bogus and discredited AGP theory for the perceived stigma that many in the community of "pre-op" trans femmes and trans women feel with respect to sex and masturbation.

The implication of his disseminated pseudoscience is that by having sex--like almost any other adult--even if it is only by ourselves, we become degenerate fetishists.

Pair this with genital dysphoria and an initial loss of libido, and it's surprising any of us are getting off.

Despite my genital dysphoria, which only ever got stronger and more painful as I continued into transition, I decided to make a chore out of masturbating.

This wasn't fun, and it didn't feel sexy. That first time, it hurt. Physically. And it continued hurting for a long while.

I'd been blissful that my male libido had vanished, and it took some work to once again mentally interface with my body. At that point, I had not yet started progesterone, but I could already tell that my body wasn't responding as it had in the past.

Old hardware, new software.

Absent spontaneous erections, my erectile tissue was atrophying.

On the left side, it felt structurally weakened. It seemed blood wasn't able to fully saturate that tissue.

Learning this, I decided to masturbate like it was physical therapy, once every couple of days.

Within 6 weeks, there was no more atrophy, with full blood flow achieved and a cessation of physical pain.

I started Progesterone soon thereafter, in November, at an initial dose of 100mg daily. No effect. A month later, I was bumped up to 200mg daily. Stuff happened.

For the following two months, I woke up with morning wood. (So feminine.) This didn't come without dysphoria, but my hormonal profile built a new libido, not the same as the male libido I had before. It wasn't persistently invading my psyche, but when it hit, it hit like a truck.

Like clockwork, I was unimaginably horny the day of or the day after taking my weekly estradiol injection. (Thirstay-Friday.) I also found that masturbation, at least with the original hardware in the front, wasn't cutting it.

I'd have to eat spicy food and hope to sleep it off.

Progesterone, the GET PREGNANT drug. The PUT A FUCKING BABY INSIDE ME hormone. I hadn't experimented with penetration before, but it became an imperative.

I was referred to VixSkin for a 100% platinum grade silicon dildo, and Amazon'd a reusable bulb enema.

With progesterone, masturbation no longer required the will to do it. The only tedium was the cleaning that I had to do beforehand to feel comfortable.

Through all of this, I still had genital dysphoria, and I had to avert my gaze from my genitals, doing everything by touch.

(This thread is getting long, so it is continued in the replies below.)

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It's important to understand that HRT remaps and rewires the functionality of the genital region, even before a bottom surgery that may or may not ever happen. Many women with penises may only want anal. Some will only want phallic stimulation. Some will require a combination.

Can you really know without personally investigating?

I found that with my particular anatomy, how it was interfaced with my neurology, that I did best starting with phallic stimulation and building to a combination.

This meant laying down or straddling rather than reclining.

A purely phallic orgasm felt weak, like a loss, and it was emotionally unfulfilling. A purely anal orgasm made me feel...used, if that makes any sense. It was just as unfulfilling. I even sobbed afterward, and not from physical pain. It happened several times after I tried that.

But a combination provided me with the best solo orgasms I'd ever had. Full bodied! When I had sex with a partner, that same combination provided me with the most incredible orgasms I'd ever experienced.

Please, why is nobody talking about A-spot orgasms?
kitschmix.com/26253-2/

While I stated earlier how fantastic it was to have no libido at all during those first 7 months, and how I finally felt 'normal,' progesterone changed my perspective on this.

On estrogen, I no longer felt like I was decaying. It was progesterone that made me feel alive.

Progesterone isn't just titty skittles & libido nectar. It made me feel emotions more fully, and to a greater depth than I ever knew imaginable. It made me long, love & lust in new ways that felt magical and affirming.

...And there are still doctors who won't prescribe it!

😡💢

I think it was incredibly important that I was able to sexually reintegrate with my body prior to bottom surgery. I was able to explore my genitals and nervous system, to discover how to please myself and prepare for the to transition to a post-SRS configuration.

I learned just how important being penetrated was for me with my new hormonal profile. This provided me with the confidence and assurance I needed. I wouldn't feel I was losing something in no longer having genitals capable of penetrating a lover.

That knowledge is priceless.

In spite of massive genital dysphoria, this commitment to having a healthy, active sex life prepared me for wonderful sexual relationships. I could forgive myself for the situation I was in while I waited for surgery, and still enjoy what pleasure my body could afford me.

Before I wrap this up, I wanted to talk about two more things.

In November 2020, I got a prescription for sildenafil (Vigara) to ensure that I could 'keep it up' during sexual encounters. When far enough on HRT, a girldick will not always remain erect even despite full arousal.

I had a large prescription, and decided to 'exercise' frequently for those last several months. You know, give her a good send-off before the EXTREME MAKEOVER.

I also opted to not get a pre-SRS orchiectomy, but I understand why some choose to do it, and they are totally valid.

So many people I've talked with have this misconception that, "if my dick is X long, then my vagina will be X deep," or, "I won't have a good vagina because my penis is small."

🤦‍♀️

Many surgeons combine phallic and scrotal skin to create the neovagina. This is what mine did.

Even if there is too little tissue to work with, there are skin grafts that can be taken from other places on the body, such as along the bikini line, where they will not be easily visible.

I avoided having a pre-SRS orchiectomy for several reasons.

First, I didn't want any complications, however rare they may be, to impact the possibility of getting bottom surgery, or its results.

Second, I didn't want to lose any of my scrotal tissue to post-surgical reduction, thus requiring grafts. This can happen after an orchiectomy.

Maybe not wanting to have any skin grafts is a merely aesthetic concern, but it was a small victory that I was hoping for. I wasn't sure until I was out of surgery whether they'd have to take a graft.

(Dr. Schechter hadn't seen my genitals for 14 months, and things can change.)

I'm nearly 7 weeks post-SRS, and I'll likely be cleared for sexual activity anywhere from 12 days to 5 weeks from now. My genitals look fantastic. There's still some swelling and discoloration. The scars are easy to see now, although they will improve with time.

I discovered today that my prostate is located where a cis woman's Skene's glands are located, meaning that I have a g-spot in the same place as any cis woman.

Apparently we've been sold a persistently tenacious myth about the location of the "p-spot."

https://twitter.com/vyrthandi/status/1379096149571694592?s=20

I hope I've conveyed in all of this is that even if you are trans, you still deserve joy. You deserve to enjoy your body however you can, and you deserve great orgasms.

I know it's difficult. I know it can be frightening and painful, but it can also be wonderful and affirming.

As always, feel free to ask any questions, or leave any feedback, including whether you feel that reading this was worth your time.

Thank you so much for reading. 🥰