Thread by @mistressmatisse

A story: When I was a very young adult woman, just starting to dabble in sex work, I met an older dominatrix who had worked in a big domme house in New York in the 50’s and 60’s. BDSM was WAY more taboo then, so most of the guys had - some inner conflict, about their desires. 1

She said, “Right above the bench we used for strap-on scenes, there was a hidden shelf, with a baseball bat. Because sometimes, if a guy got fucked up the ass and came really hard? Then after, he gets mad at you, because you just made him gay, and so he may get violent with you.”

Now, I’ve never had anyone get violent because I pegged them. But especially when I was new, I sessioned with guys who literally got up from the bench and ran out of the room, and left the dungeon, like *immediately immediately* after they came, because they felt so ashamed. 3

Seeing this shame in men aroused in me an uncomfortable mixture of compassion and frustration. Baby domme me wanted to educate and support people. But - it’s bad for your own morale to have to push back on someone’s self-hatred - which implicitly extends to you as a participant.

So even though it didn’t happen - I never forgot the early warning that she gave to young me, about what can happen to you, even if you think you’re just giving somebody what they said they wanted. 😳