Autistic people talk so often about being shamed for stimming that I used to find it so strange that I never was but now I can see that it's so prevalent, it's definitely not possible I wasn't being shamed for it, I clearly just wasn't listening 😂
When I first heard about stimming I thought I didn't do it because I couldn't think of any specific ones I do but I now see I have been stimming every moment of my waking life. I couldn't see what it is because I was never not doing it. I just thought everyone else was boring
In the last couple weeks I noticed myself rocking and my best friend pointed out that I put my hands over my ears when I had to make a stressful nail polish color decision so it turns out I do every single stereotypical autistic stim lol literally all of them
I had a different explanation for all of them. Rocking? That's me bouncing to the beat in my head. Flapping my hands? That's just drying tears out of your eyes when you're crying from laughing, it's normal and adorable. Tapping on the desk? I would be a fantastic drummer
I've done every stereotypically autistic thing very obviously for my whole life and nobody ever saw them as autistic things, I think because I was never self-conscious. And that says something very sad about how society treats autistic people & expects us to feel about ourselves
I'm still mentally adjusting to the fact that the reason people always asked me why I was doing things and looked confused by the answer “because it feels nice” is because they almost never do random things with their body just because it feels nice
omg this is why people think I'm on drugs all the time
This must also be why I love trying to pick people up. My ex-boyfriend let me pick him up one time and I asked to do it again and he was like no, that was the only one you'll ever get or you'll be trying to do it all the time. In retrospect, he was probably correct

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More from @erikaheidewald

15 Apr
i finally figured out the pattern of some very confusing conversations I've been having lately! I am so relieved. This is not a subtweet of anyone, if I had a conversation like this with you I'm not trying to shit on you, it just kept happening a lot & was mystifying
I keep having these massive misunderstandings with people I frequently agree with & know could get my point, but the way they respond to me makes me see they think I'm making a different argument, and it's a common one that I've seen before, so I get why they think that
I start out in good faith trying to explain that I'm making a different argument, and I know the argument they think I'm making and I understand their point about that, but I making a different one. I assume they will immediately get it, so I'm not making a big case for myself
Read 36 tweets
15 Apr
There's a moment in Exterminate All the Brutes where Raoul Peck says that the determining factor why the European colonists killed so many indigenous people was not sophisticated weaponry or imported germs, but the willingness to slaughter human beings in order to take their land
I just keep thinking about it. Because that is the difference. One kind of person decided that they were better than other people so those other people deserved to die and then framed it as some natural evolutionary competition. violence became a virtue. and we still live in that
It's weird to talk about being white, mostly because there are so many ways to do it wrong and white people do them all the time. There aren't a lot of good examples. The trope I most want to avoid falling into is “I'm not like other white people,” which all white people love
Read 26 tweets
15 Apr
i love languages and never speak any of the ones i learned because white people managed to turn learning other languages into something paternalistic and insulting. How the fuck did we turn speaking a shared language into the polar opposite of human connection and communication
I feel like this is a good example of cultural appropriation versus appreciation. Language is about communication so learning Mandarin should be about communicating with Chinese people. But there's no interest in actual communication here. He isn't seeing her as a person
Like many language learners, I love learning the structure of languages and how they work - but they're not just grammar and vocabulary. You cannot divorce the language from the people who speak it and the culture that language shaped and was shaped by. That is appropriation.
Read 12 tweets
14 Apr
I believe in cleaning up my own backyard. I know that's always going to piss people off but hey, I absolutely never promised not to piss you off. I will never be interested in joining a team. I'm not going to say only the things that make my social group happy.
When I was a kid and my mom was talking to me about a dispute between my brother and me, I'd ask why she was acting like it was all on me when it was his fault, too. She replied that she was talking to me right then and she would talk to him next. I could only control what I do
I like to think & talk about what is in our power to do. I don't see a point in only talking about what other people should do when we have no control over that. It’s important to share those ideas and push them to the cultural mainstream but we all have things to work on, too.
Read 5 tweets
14 Apr
Just had an ND call NTs sociopathic in my tiktok comments bc they mostly experience their feelings in their mind and not their body and i went the fuck off bc NO. We are NOT gonna be doing that, too. What is so complicated about not dehumanizing people based on their neurotype
Be mad at neurotypicals, sure. Call them weird. It's OK to like your brain better. They certainly do. But engaging in a hierarchy of humanity based on biology is the cause of basically all evil and we need to be tearing down that entire idea, not getting in on it
I see this pretty often and I wonder where people think it’s going to go. “We are not biologically inferior, you’re biologically inferior!” is not going to go well for us and cannot lead anywhere good for anyone at all ever
Read 10 tweets
12 Apr
I think I know why parents like Jenny McCarthy thought vaccines caused their kids’ autism. I think it was MCAS. Their kid was already autistic but the vaccine created an immune response which created an MCAS attack which created brain fog & their kid “retreated into their mind”
There’s a very high comorbidity rate with MCAS and autism and I already thought I might have it but my reaction to the vaccine has resulted in some very weird symptoms I’ve never experienced before, particularly disassociation. I’ve had terrible physical anxiety & presyncope
I’ve had a hard time talking when I’m in these presyncope/anxiety/dissociation moments. My brain feels too slow & I can’t turn thoughts into words & say them as easily and that isn’t normal for me. If I’m having trouble with that as an adult who talks a lot, a kid would have more
Read 6 tweets

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