One of the most lonely places I've experienced was sitting in church with happy families around me as an emotionally, verbally, and spiritually abused wife. Even though I told church leaders, no one checked up on me. No one offered help. I did this journey alone.
I hope that in sharing my story that the Christian community will be proactive in looking for people like me in their midst. I had support thru my advocacy work. But imagine how lonely it is for most women. To get thru just another day is a struggle.
I actually got jealous of congregants who had chronic health issues. They got regular visits and meals. And let's not forget about the kids. If a wife is barely keeping her head afloat, she has very little left to give to her kids.
As I've come public with my story and have encountered thousands of women who have similar stories, I'm convinced that church leaders need to become educated on how to best support people in abusive marriages and get them to safety.

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More from @DefendTheSheep

17 Apr
In 2012, I gave an ultimatum to my then husband with a 1-yr deadline. I extended that deadline to 2 yrs. He did not follow-through, so I decided to move forward with getting to a place where I could support myself as a divorced single mom.
The small community college in my area surprisingly offered a new 4-yr Bachelor's program in Cyber Security. I scheduled an appt with a counselor, but unbeknownst to me, they mistakenly scheduled the appt with the Outreach/Retention specialist in the Cyber dept.
So, I went and heard her spiel. I saw how the instructors interacted with the students & w/ea other. I saw that a job in cyber has excellent job security regardless of age/gender. I met another woman around my age who went through a divorce and she said she loved it.
Read 7 tweets
30 Dec 20
This is so true. The "stranger danger" mantra that we heard years ago is not usually the way sex abuse occurs. It happens by trusted individuals, people who are regularly in contact with our kids, and we most likely would never imagine this dark side. #metoo #churchtoo #sexabuse
In my family, one pedophile was a grandpa who was a missionary and well-respected Bible translator (never was convicted because of Statute of Limitation). The abuse occurred when neighbor boys were invited to swim in the pool. #metoo #churchtoo #sexabuse
It happened to his sons' friends when they came over to play. And the abuse did not happen in private. It happened in a room with adults behind a newspaper. It happened so nonchalantly that most people would miss it. But the boys who experienced it knew something had happened.
Read 6 tweets
4 Dec 20
This week I have been struck that some of the most lonely and unsupported people are abused pastors' wives. There is usually no support network for them in their church. They will be dismissed, told they are rebellious. They have few options, little $, and are alone & frightened.
I have had personal conversations with abused pastors' wives. Many times these women have only been stay-at-home moms. They do not have college degrees and it will be a challenge for them to get back into the work force and support themselves & their children.
To share about the abuse to elders would likely backfire. The kids are also often abused verbally, emotionally, and spiritually. But to leave an abusive pastor/husband/dad is a huge and lonely step.
Read 4 tweets

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