Thread by @XiranJayZhao

People are frequently confused to why I'm nonbinary even though I'm so "hyperfeminine." In honor of #PRIDE , lemme clear some things up.

I've never felt a strong attachment to the label of Woman, or the concept of being gendered at all - (1/?)

Before my nonbinary revelation, I only went along with it out of convenience, and I still do the same in circles that don't recognize Nonbinary as a thing you can be.

"But gender roles aren't that rigid anymore! You can be a woman and still do XX!" some people say - (2/?)

- but that's not the issue here. There are those who work hard to expand what the social construct of "woman" looks like and encompasses. I applaud their efforts and will always stand with them in solidarity, but it has nothing to do with how I just don't want to be a woman (3/?)

- at all, while not wanting to be a man either. No matter how the label of "female" is expanded, I don't feel attached enough to it to squeeze myself in if I don't have to. It makes me much more comfortable to just reject gender labels altogether. (4/?)

Like most queer people, I've felt like this since I was a kid. It's not a phase. In elementary school, I would revolt any time the teacher split the class into boys and girls, demanding to join the boy team. I hated the very gendered English name my parents gave me - (5/?)

I was known as a "tomboy." In high school, I would pick male roles in drama and RP as a guy online. I wore a tux to prom. I wondered if I was trans, but no, I didn't really want to formally announce myself as a boy either. I just wanted to reject being labeled as Female (6/?)

To me, me being nonbinary in itself is a challenge to what people associate as Female or Male. I don't believe that in order to be nonbinary, you have to distance yourself from all gender-associated aesthetics and present as a gray-clothed blob (7/?)

Why must long hair, dramatic makeup, and outlandish clothes strictly label me as a woman? The pretty boys in Chinese historical dramas have flowing long hair and fabulous clothes, and no one questions their gender. If I could grow a beard, I would (8/?)

My ideal self in my head is 6'4, full bearded, muscular, and has no genitalia whatsoever. And I'd dress and do my makeup exactly the same. But I'm working with the body I've got, folks (9/?)

Though I must also clarify that how I and other nonbinary folks feel should not be used to question how binary trans people feel. Some people don't experience gender in a fluid way. They feel strongly attached to a gender identity that isn't the one they were assigned to at birth

- and they would do anything to transition to it. The existence of nonbinary folks does NOT invalidate that. In fact, it's a similar struggle. I'm sure plenty of binary trans folks have been asked "why do you need to transition when you can be a man/woman and still be XXX?" 10/?

No, they just don't want to be their birth-assigned gender at all. The difference between us and them is that we don't have a need to transition to another specific gender, while they do 11/?

All that being said, I'm personally very pragmatic about my gender identity, especially as a first gen immigrant who has to navigate two different societies. In an ideal world, I would be free from all gendered associations - 12/?

- but in this one, I recognize that I was socialized as a woman and am perceived as a woman by the vast majority of people. Female-centric issues affect me, and I will always be a feminist (though everyone should be a feminist anyway) 13/?

Even though they/them pronouns are my most preferred ones and they give me a sense of peace, I don't strictly mind being called she/her in casual circumstances 14/?

I don't correct people bc I've seen too many instances of them getting defensive like WHY DIDN'T YOU MAKE THAT MORE CLEAR? WHY DON'T YOU HAVE IT IN BLINDING RED LETTERS ALL OVER YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA? HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHEN YOU HAVEN'T MADE A VIDEO EXPLAINING YOURSELF? 15/?

And I just…don't want to deal with that. I appreciate those of you who stick up for me though.

As for terms like Sis or Queen, I mind them even less, because to me, they're no different than calling someone Dude or Bro. So they're 100% okay to use for me. 16/?

But again, how I feel about these gendered pronouns and terms is not necessarily how all nonbinary people feel. Please be mindful of this. Double check if you're not sure, and don't get so defensive or overly apologetic if you accidentally make a mistake. 17/17