Thread by @eJOYfree

I remember the one my ex attended during our separation. Another man there called to ask if I would meet the returning men at the church “to motivate” his resolve to be a “more godly husband & father” & “encourage the continued change he experienced” while on the retreat.

1/10

https://twitter.com/anna_apostate/status/1401606699232993283

It was the first time I felt free to tell the truth.

I told him I had been trying to encourage my then husband for over a decade. I did everything to motivate him be a more godly husband & father, encourage him to get help, support him financially, emotionally, and spiritually.

I had tried everything, read every Christian marriage book I could find, asked 4 help and advice from pastors and spiritual mentors 4yrs, attempted xtian counseling and yes, went on men’s/women’s/& marriage retreats with him too. But I recognize I could never motivate him.

3/10

TW:Religious and Domestic Abuse follows.

———

This was not an issue that needed some “bro/manly/tough Jesus” time and a wife to be there to “motivate him to be better”

I went to a Bible college, & have yrs of experience. I know a scriptural womans role better then you do

I was abused, lied to, cheated on several times, & physically/sexually abused for over a decade. To say nothing of what he did to our children.

AND I had already heard every excuse, promise & Christ based recommitment that a creative storyteller could think up.

5/10

But ultimately they all ended the same way. With more abuse. To me. To others. To our children.

Christian men’s retreats don’t change or fix men.

If a man wants to change/mature/improve/commit/etc he would do it.

6/10

The man kept trying to interject protests. “well I’ve had rough times in marriage too...and god...I became a better person with gods help... [ex] has been seeking god... men need their wives encouragement... I’m going to pray that you will still come...”

7/10

I still said no.

Good men don’t need a religious pep rally to treat women/their partners/children/minorities/etc with respect and equality. They can just choose to do that.

And it’s not my job to motivate their goodness or them to become a better person.

8/10

I filed for divorce that month.

I never heard back from any of the men’s group.
None followed up to find out more about the claim of abuse, rape, & infidelity.
None even called to see how I and my 2 (special needs kids) were doing during the separation, or after divorce

9/10

I’m several years past that phone call & am happier then I’ve ever been. It is liberating to be able to tell the truth.
At least 1 “men’s retreat” had a positive outcome.

#ChurchToo #mensministry #exvangelical #abuse #churchabuse #itsachoicenotanecho #BeHuman

10/10