E* Profile picture
6 Jun, 10 tweets, 4 min read
I remember the one my ex attended during our separation. Another man there called to ask if I would meet the returning men at the church “to motivate” his resolve to be a “more godly husband & father” & “encourage the continued change he experienced” while on the retreat.

It was the first time I felt free to tell the truth.

I told him I had been trying to encourage my then husband for over a decade. I did everything to motivate him be a more godly husband & father, encourage him to get help, support him financially, emotionally, and spiritually.
I had tried everything, read every Christian marriage book I could find, asked 4 help and advice from pastors and spiritual mentors 4yrs, attempted xtian counseling and yes, went on men’s/women’s/& marriage retreats with him too. But I recognize I could never motivate him.

TW:Religious and Domestic Abuse follows.


This was not an issue that needed some “bro/manly/tough Jesus” time and a wife to be there to “motivate him to be better”

I went to a Bible college, & have yrs of experience. I know a scriptural womans role better then you do
I was abused, lied to, cheated on several times, & physically/sexually abused for over a decade. To say nothing of what he did to our children.

AND I had already heard every excuse, promise & Christ based recommitment that a creative storyteller could think up.

But ultimately they all ended the same way. With more abuse. To me. To others. To our children.

Christian men’s retreats don’t change or fix men.

If a man wants to change/mature/improve/commit/etc he would do it.

The man kept trying to interject protests. “well I’ve had rough times in marriage too...and god...I became a better person with gods help... [ex] has been seeking god... men need their wives encouragement... I’m going to pray that you will still come...”

I still said no.

Good men don’t need a religious pep rally to treat women/their partners/children/minorities/etc with respect and equality. They can just choose to do that.

And it’s not my job to motivate their goodness or them to become a better person.

I filed for divorce that month.

I never heard back from any of the men’s group.
None followed up to find out more about the claim of abuse, rape, & infidelity.
None even called to see how I and my 2 (special needs kids) were doing during the separation, or after divorce

I’m several years past that phone call & am happier then I’ve ever been. It is liberating to be able to tell the truth.
At least 1 “men’s retreat” had a positive outcome.

#ChurchToo #mensministry #exvangelical #abuse #churchabuse #itsachoicenotanecho #BeHuman


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