The Inner Critic.

Ugh.

Its hard to dislodge the power and influence the IC has over us. Here is a helpful tool:

1. Find at least one other who cares about you and get together.

1/
2. Have your friend write down the messages your IC tells you as you share it.

3. Then ask her/him to write the adjectives of these messages, ex: 'harsh,' 'unrelenting,' 'condemning.' etc.

So now you have the actual messages on one line and descriptors on the other.

2/
4. Now write the descriptors of God's character and God's posture toward you. Patient, loving, kind etc.

5. What if I were at least as ________ to myself as God is.

3/
We tend to get wigged out by talk of Satan and Spiritual Warfare, but the more I work with people on chronic anxiety, the more convinced I am that our self talk, our IC, the story we tell ourselves about how we MUST be and how the world MUST be is keeping us trapped.

4/
Paul says, 'it is for freedom that Christ has set us free' yet so many are bound by our IC and .the story we tell ourselves.

We give it WAY too much authority, too much real estate in our soul. It has a 'gospel' which is always some form of legalism and condemnation

5/
'You MUST do more' 'you SHOULD know better by now' 'you'll NEVER _______'

In radical contrast to this false 'gospel' is the gospel of Jesus, where we are rooted and established in the Sovereignty and Love of God.

6/
The challenge is we either know this, but can't break out of the bondage or worse yet, our inner critic is such a harsh task master that we project it out onto God and other people to try to get relief from within.

7/
Have you ever been confused when someone thinks you are more harsh and condemning than you are? It might be their IC projecting condemnation onto you and then having projected it, seeing it from you.

The story we tell ourselves is insidious like that.

8/
One thing I learned early about anxiety when I was a chaplain - it blocks our capacity to see reality. We pollute reality with our anxiety. 'This situation requires me to speak' when it actually doesn't, for example.

This person is condemning of me when they're not.

9/
If your view of God sounds a lot like your IC, you have projected your inside pain onto God and are now seeing God through your own self made view.

You are not following the One True God, you're following Zeus or some variation of Zeus.

10/
Relentless, demanding, impossible to appease. All the work and effort is on you.

But the One True God did all the work. Nothing to appease. No earning required.

11/
"Its your kindness which leads us to repentance, Lord."

"This is how we set our hearts at rest in God's presence, for even when our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and God knows everything."

God trumps your heart. God knows more than you on this matter.
12/
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

That last one, some of you read it and say, 'great, I must not be made perfect in love.' And then, 'I must be deficient.'
13/
That's the inner critic. That is modern day legalism. Doing the work inside our soul that only God can do.

The invitation is to relax into the Sovereignty and love of God. Easier tweeted than done.

14/
It took me many years to reduce the voice of the IC and rejoice in the voice of God. My beginning step was the early exercise of writing the steps. Then when that inner voice would speak, I would choose to believe what God says over what I say.

15/
An intentional submission to God's authority over my authority.

Many don't experience grace because we are still in charge. That voice of condemnation is you still in charge. The voice that is condemning you now because you're in charge - that voice.

16/
But trusting what God says over what you think IS what walking by faith is. And it is hard. Especially when God's voice is often still and small etc and your IC is relentless and clear and pointed.

But the battle for freedom is worth it.

17/
My prayer is that you would be kind to yourself, at least as kind as God is. Be patient with yourself etc.

And lower your threshold to worship. Worshipping the King is a wonderful displacer of the IC.

Peace of Christ to you today.

18/18

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More from @stevecusswords

9 Jun
A ministry survival technique I wish I learned earlier:

Discerning between a person giving helpful feedback, a garden variety critic and a usual suspect critic.

At first, they can all look and feel the same, but they all operate differently and require different posture.

1/
They can all 'feel' the same at first. Most criticism and feedback stings, and I think ministry folks may be more prone to the sting because ministry is so personal to us. Our work and identity can be fused in unhealthy, but understandable ways. But over time...

2/
...We can discern and adjust to help our well being.

Helpful feedback: someone who genuinely sees a blindspot of yours, a pattern in your approach and leadership. They are for you, they are for the org, they are in it with you. Skin in the game.

3/
Read 14 tweets
4 Jun
Toward the end of the cuban missile crisis in 1962, tensions were rising and nuclear war was becoming a near certainty. Russia and Cuba were constructing a nuclear site on Cuba with a firing range that could devastate over 80% of USA’s land.

1/
Russia famously denied any such plan at the United Nations Meeting that year, but USA had spy photos confirming the activity.

Public threats, navy blockades, back channel communications. Kennedy vs Khrushchev.

2/
But also behind the scenes the Kennedy brothers were battling their own military brass who were itching to fight the communists.

On day 11 of the crisis, Khrushchev telexed the White House agreeing to pull out of Cuba. After all the meetings and threats the crisis was over.

3/
Read 11 tweets
29 Mar
Ways you can identify a 'usual suspect' critic vs a 'garden variety critic' or a 'helpful critic.'

1. No matter what you say, how often you meet, etc, they never come around. They don't want resolution.

2. They weaponize your insight against you.

1/
3. As much as you try to resolve, they never land, they just keep shifting the target.

4. They continue to embrace their own POV over the objective facts of the situation.

5. You give them too much real estate in your brain.

2/
Once you identify a usual suspect over other types....

1. Move them out of the corner office of your brain. They are usually tiny fraction of % of all your people, but you give them a large % of your mental energy and time.

3/
Read 5 tweets
20 Mar
One aspect of Family Systems Theory that I think is at risk of being lost is 'playfulness.' Students of FST like Friedman and Whittaker actually measured anxiety through the lens of playfulness, the opposite being earnestness.

1/
Playfulness doesn't mean you don't take matters seriously. Sometimes the more serious, the more important 'play time' is.

Playfulness is not only for people of privilege, it is a human need and a true antidote to anxiety's grip.

2/
In the 1950, Murray Bowen, founder of FST coined the term 'societal regression.' It became one of his 8 core concepts.

As he studied the way anxiety spreads between people, he kept moving his view wider and wider from couples to families to groups to an entire society.

3/
Read 14 tweets
12 Mar
I continue to explore tools and ramifications to decrease the grip of our Inner Critic.

It recently occurred to me that the message of the inner critic often fall into broad categories of:

- you must do it perfectly
- you must know the answer
- you must always love well.

1/
Wait a minute there, Inner Critic.

Are you suggesting we should be:

All knowing
Unconditionally loving?
Always there for people?
Perfect?

Does that sound like anyone you know?

2/
The very first temptation given to humans was:

'you can be like God.'

No. We cannot. We will never be like God. We can worship God and love God and follow God.

Most scandalous of all, we can enjoy God.

But we will never be like God.

3/
Read 7 tweets
3 Mar
Pastors, let's talk about 'usual suspects' critics.

There are all kinds of critics, some of whom are an absolute gift.

Then there are the 'usual suspect' critics.

1/
Helpful: they're in it with you, they're for the cause, they see things in you that you don't see, they help develop you as a leader.

Sometimes their feedback hurts, not because of them, but because we pastors tend to take our ministry so extremely personally.

2/
Then there is the 'garden variety' critic. They don't have malice toward you, it just hasn't occurred to them that maybe you and your team have put 100 hours into the decision and looked at every angle.

Because they go to church, they think they know how to lead a church.

3/
Read 10 tweets

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