Tweet

The Autisticats

22 Jun, 9 tweets, 2 min read

Ableism and anti-autistic attitudes within families can have a significant negative impact on autistic people’s self esteem and mental health.

When the outside world is not accepting or safe, and home isn’t either, we have nowhere to turn.

Many autistic people are trapped.

My family has come a long way over the years, mostly due to my own stubbornness and self-advocacy.

In 2017 my dad said this to me (I wrote it down directly afterwards, so this is verbatim) when he heard me vocal stimming:

I brought it up the next day and he denied that he said any of it, but when I pushed he admitted to some of it (then defended it).

Later that year, I ordered the book “Loud Hands” (an anthology by autistic authors) and forced him to read it.

Suddenly, his behavior changed.

His demeanor towards me became remarkably different after he read the book, and it started rubbing off on my mom too.

Sometimes she would say something and I would correct her, and then my dad would back me up.

There started to be less conflict in the house overall.

Over time my parents have improved. That’s lucky, because my sister still says a lot of ableist things to me.

She often says that she’s embarrassed to be with me in public.

The other day she said “Time to face my fears!” when leaving the house with me.

Her words aren’t said with great intent to harm me, but they do.

I laugh in the moment because I don’t know how to react, and because it’s absurd that she knows she shouldn’t say these things yet still does.

All of these things have accumulated over my lifetime.

This is what I think many family members of autistic people don’t understand:

Every comment you make, every moment you insist that we conform, every time you say you’re embarrassed by our existence...

It makes us feel unloved and subhuman. And it just builds up over time.

You may think you’re just making comments about “autism” as a disembodied thing, as an aspect of our behavior that can be separated from who we are...

But you’re not. You’re making comments about who we are, inherently, as people.

I am autistic. All of me is autistic.

If you can’t accept my noises and stims and the way I walk and my speech patterns, then you don’t accept me.

And if you don’t accept a person, how can they experience the full extent of your love?

If you want your autistic family member to feel loved, embrace their autism.

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

More from @autisticats

The Autisticats

@autisticats

24 Jun

After an autistic person is officially diagnosed, their family members and friends may start noticing their autistic traits more.

This can lead to accusations that the autistic person is exaggerating for attention, being inauthentic, etc.

But that’s rarely (if ever) true.

The reason why others may notice the person “acting more autistic” is twofold:

1. Now that there’s a word to describe the person’s traits, they are ascribed to autism instead of just being seen as “weird,” and

2. The autistic person feels less pressure to mask who they are.

This dynamic is often especially present in people who were diagnosed later in life, or who have the ability to mask their traits.

I was diagnosed pretty early (between 8 and 9 years old), but I can mask my traits when I’m feeling pressured (though not always convincingly).

Read 10 tweets

The Autisticats

@autisticats

16 May

During AAPI Month, it’s important to listen to the voices of AAPI individuals. For example, me! I’m Abby, Eden’s girlfriend.

First, some background: My grandmother is Korean and my grandfather is Japanese. This makes me 1/4 Korean, 1/4 Japanese, and 1/2 French Canadian.

The beginning of this month has made me think a lot about my Asian identity, and how it intersects with my neurodivergent identity.

I have never felt truly “Asian,” for a number of reasons- like my mixed race, light hair and eyes, and the assimilation my ancestors went through.

However, there is conflict between the model minority stereotype and how I behave due to autism or ADHD.

The stereotypical Asian is quiet, compliant, well put together, good at math, likes spicy food, etc.

This is the “ideal Asian”- an identity that white people constructed.

Read 9 tweets

The Autisticats

@autisticats

16 May

Autistic people’s sensory sensitivities are not “phobias.”

We are not “afraid” of loud noises, etc. for some irrational reason.

We become distressed by those things because they are causing us physical pain and overstimulation.

Let us wear ear defenders and earplugs!!

@AnnMemmott

@AnnMemmott posted a thread today about a study (link.springer.com/article/10.100…) where an autistic boy’s auditory hypersensitivity was treated as though it was a phobia.

Very unsurprisingly, the “coping skill” he chose the most was the use of earplugs.

I wonder why? 🙄 /s

Autistic people are “afraid” of loud noises in the same way that everyone is “afraid” of falling face-first into a cactus.

It’s not hard to understand at all.

When we’re exposed to loud noises we experience significant distress, and then we exhibit signs of distress.

Read 9 tweets

The Autisticats

@autisticats

8 May

If you are someone who, like me, finds it difficult or impossible to speak when you’re overstimulated:

You don’t have to keep all of your thoughts in your head just because it’s “easier.”

You’re allowed to use AAC, sign language, text-to-speech apps, etc. In fact, you should.

Yesterday I went to the mall with Abby and two of our friends. I had forgotten how busy malls can be.

One of the shops we went to had colored strobe lights inside that I had to move & look away from. Others had loud music playing. There were people and bright lights everywhere.

These stimuli weren’t a very big deal to the people I was with, but they impacted me significantly.

I could feel myself withdrawing, and losing speech.

Without me having to ask, Abby knew I needed earplugs and gave them to me. I was very grateful.

Read 10 tweets

The Autisticats

@autisticats

6 May

I’m doing a linguistic ethnography for my final paper in one of my classes this semester.

I’m going to be comparing autistic people’s speech when they’re talking to other autistic people, versus when they are talking to non-autistic people.

In order to accomplish this, I need autistic people who are 18 or older to email me recordings.

You should to collect two different recordings:

One of a conversation with another autistic person(s), and one with a non-autistic person(s).

You can stop each recording after 5 minutes. The recordings don’t need to be about any specific topic, and you don’t need to censor yourself (cursing is fine, etc.)

These should be natural conversations where you talk to the other person/people the way you normally would.

Read 9 tweets

The Autisticats

@autisticats

5 May

In honor of AAPI Heritage Month, here are some Asian autistic people you should know about!

Lydia X.Z. Brown is a Chinese-American adoptee. They are heavily involved in disability justice work, and their writing on disability is foundational to the movement.

Yuh-Line Niou is a Taiwanese-American politician who serves in the New York State Assembly.

She represents the 65th district, which includes Chinatown. She originally ran as a member of the Working Families Party, but she is currently in office as a Democrat.

Kodi Lee is a Korean-American musician and singer with perfect pitch, who recently won America’s Got Talent.

He is also blind (due to optic nerve hypoplasia) and has Addison’s Disease, which affects hormone production in the adrenal glands.