Thread by @kelly_j_baker

Me: I think I'm gonna not cuss for a week.

The youngest: You won't make it 10 minutes.

Me, two minutes later: Oh shit!

The oldest: Fresh start high five?

Me: Yeah.

Me, five minutes later: SHIT.

The youngest: Another fresh start?

Me: Yup.

The oldest: This isn't going well.

Me: Yeah.

The youngest: How long has it been now?

Me: 21 minutes.

The youngest: Yay!

Me: The longest 21 minutes of my life.

(I should note that I don't think cussing is bad. I'm quite good at it. I'm just trying this out to see what happens.)

Well, friends, this time I made it a whole two hours before commenting about how someone was gonna lose their shit.

Both kids yelled, FRESH START.

This is deep fun for them.

And now, I'm curious how many times I say "shit" in any given day.

😬

I have now made it 12 hours without cussing because some of those hours were sleeping hours.

Winning.

Me: I made it 12 hours without cussing.

The oldest: yay--

Me: Because I was sleeping.

The youngest: Did you cuss in your sleep?

Me: Uh...I don't think so.

Chris: What do you think happened to that dude who left your grad program?

Me: Oh shit, I have no idea.

Chris: ...

Me: ARGHHHHHHH. NO. I HAVE TO START OVER.

Chris: Well, this is my new game.

The youngest: Fresh start high five again?

Me: Sigh, yeah.

The youngest: Maybe you should act out the cusses?

Me: Let's just restart the clock.

This time I last almost 3 hours until we found a mama cat and two kittens that someone dumped at my Mom's house. I drove to the local rescue. It is completely full.

Then, I called all the rescues in a 70-mile radius. None have vacancy.

Now, I just want to cuss & cry.

The youngest is like, "Do you want a fresh start?"

And I was like, "Hell no, this is gonna be a bad one. Let's hold off."

Still no fresh start.

This day requires all the cusses.

Of course, my children are trying to find a way to adopt the new kitties living in our bathroom.

FML.

Oh, hell, here are the kittens and mama cat.

Clearly, I have not taken up the fresh start. Yet.

Bring on the cussing!

Chris has decided that we need to name the kittens Sam and Dean. I think the mama cat should be Cas.

We are not keeping these cats, but A+ naming.

Chris asked me if I had my fresh start yet.

I told him that it wasn't happening today, and to be effin' honest, tomorrow ain't looking great either.

The kittens and mama cat are breaking my heart.

I'm so angry that someone tossed these sweet kitties in the woods and left them to suffer.

I slept for less than fours.

How many fresh starts will I need today?

Y'all don't even wanna effing know.

My youngest told me that he counted at least 14 fresh starts yesterday, and I told him that yesterday didn't count.

He shook his head and walked away.

So far, I have refused a fresh start this morning because I lost count of the f-bombs and all the "can you believe this shit?!" before 9 am.

I'm gonna hold off of the fresh start until later this afternoon.

There's too much cussing that I still need to release.

Also, does the cussing count if my children do not hear me?

Hell yes, I found a loophole!

Maybe.

But now I feel guilty, so maybe not.

For those playing along at home, I have still not taken my first start.

It has been all cussing all the time. In my car and on the phone without the kids around.

Not really all the time, but also kind of.

The phone: *buzz, buzz*

Me: What the eff was that?!

The youngest: FRESH START.

The oldest: How many fresh starts do you think she's gonna need?

Me: ALL OF THEM.

Anytime I cuss, no matter where I am, the youngest pops up and yells "FRESH START."

The kid is an effin' ninja.

At this point, I feel like I should have just set up a swear jar and put a $20 in up front to cover me for a few days.

Okay, fine, like a day.

Singing the cuss words in the songs from Hamilton don't count, right?

RIGHT?!

Update: My youngest has ruled that any cussing counts even if I'm singing and requires a fresh start.

It was a valiant attempt, but point to the youngest.

Chris: What was the deal with Hamilton?

Me: He was an asshole.

Chris: ...

Me: Well, I made it an hour and a half that time. Fresh start. Again.

Chris cusses.

The youngest yells, "FRESH START."

Chris is like, "This whole thing doesn't involve me."

I have now taken to whispering the cuss words in the hopes that the youngest won't hear me.

And yet, the cry of "fresh start" can still be heard loudly and often.

The youngest: Fresh start!

Me: What? I didn't even cuss.

The oldest: Yeah, Mom, you just did.

Me: I don't even remember what I said.

The youngest: Fresh. Start.

I might have to institute a new rule that Mom cannot be expected not to cuss before at least two cups of coffee because she has no idea what she is saying before then.

NO IDEA.

The youngest: Okay, let's see if you can go 24 hours without cussing.

Me: I think I can do that.

The youngest: Except for when you are playing Mario Kart, you can't play that game without cussing.

Me: That seems like cheating.

The youngest: Except for Mario Kart.