Thread by @QuinnyPig

Many of the big tech companies are forcing staff to go back to the office. I think this is shortsighted; you should make the company beg you to go back to working remote. A thread of advice from some of the worst colleagues I ever had:

Cherry MX blue switches in keyboards are noisy, but buckling springs are louder. You'll get used to them more quickly if you hum along to the sound of your keystrokes.

What's for lunch today? Your leftover fish from last night's dinner. Throw it in the microwave and reheat it. Ten minutes oughta do it.

We all have to take personal calls at work from time to time. On speakerphone. That you carry with you to and from the bathroom.

There's not a lot of difference between "sneezing loudly" and "screaming at the top of your lungs" if you play it right.

In person standups take a lot longer, so be sure to pass the time by livetweeting them.

A lot of folks changed jobs during the pandemic. Without names under video displays, you'll have to give your new coworkers insultingly accurate nicknames instead. Isn't that right, Baldilocks?

Your home microphone has been on the fritz for a year or so, so you're accustomed to having to yell to be heard in normal conversation. It'll only take you six months to break that habit.

We all got used to having our families around, so be sure to bring your kids to work three days a week. Don't have any? Bring a surly teenager who'll benefit from your good example.

The lines between work and hobby got blurry and you can't be expected to leave part of yourself at home just because you started organizing unions in your spare time.

Wire a doorknob to the building power supply. If only executives get offices, they'll probably appreciate the camaraderie of a well-executed prank once they regain consciousness.

If you left your Yubikey at home, fake it by throwing your work laptop or wireless keyboard down the stairs.

If you have to work from the office, clearly you're not working once you leave the building, so be sure to forward your work phone to your boss's cell until tomorrow morning.

Old and busted: new email sound goes DING!
New hotness: new email sound goes "Surfin' Bird" by the Trashmen for 30 seconds every time.

Compile Firefox, mine Bitcoin, or simply open Docker for Mac; whatever it takes to make your laptop fan sound like a jet engine right before you step out for lunch.

Coordinate with your teammates for a random Tuesday where you all dress up nicely, then take a four hour lunch without explanation. Or actually interview elsewhere that supports remote.

Headphones aren’t very collaborative, so listen to your music on a Bluetooth speaker instead.

Happy Tuesday!