Thread by @garius

It is quite possibly easier to get blood out of a stone than it is to get blood results out of my GP surgery.

"ring us to get your results. don't schedule an appointment."

"we don't give those out over the phone."

"how do i get them then?"

"you'll need to schedule an appointment."

No wonder they're in special measures.

I'm going to Subject Access Request Barts.

Bet it's fucking quicker.

Shame as the doctors there are quite good.

Their ADMIN, however, is sub-academia level.

"Okay. can I register for online services please?"

"We don't do that."

"Literally do. Looking at your website now."

"Oh. Okay. You need to call separately about that. This call is about blood tests."

"How about we forget I called about blood tests, and pretend i called about registering for online services."

"But you called about blood tests."

"Just ignore that bit. That bit's done. I don't want my results. I want to register for online services."

"Oh. Okay."

"You need to fill in a form. I can give you it."

"But you said I'm not allowed to come to the surgery. For blood test results?"

"No. Don't come to the surgery for blood test results"

"So DO come to the surgery for an online form?"

"Yes."

"Righto."

Did I mention they have an automated phone system which slowly, painfully explains that you'll be presented with various options. Think carefully, to keep call volume low, about which option is right for you.

Then it says:

"Push 1 for Reception"

That's it. That's the options.

Indeed it actually caught me off guard when they answered earlier.

I wasn't actually mentally prepared for that outcome. It doesn't tend to happen with any frequency.

Right. Subject Access Request put into Barts.

Have now attempted to complete the web GP form for the surgery to request an appointment to get my results too.

I will admit I may have gotten somewhat sarcastic on it by the end. Because 90% of those questions were pointless after clicking the option that said:

APPOINTMENT REASON: TEST RESULTS.

This was followed by asking me how much alcohol I drink.

There was no free text on that, thankfully, otherwise I'd have written:

"Not enough to make me feel this whole process isn't stupid."

I will, however, admit that I answered:

WHY DID YOU GET THESE TESTS DONE?

With:

"Because you told me to. You. The surgery. My doctors."

E consult confirmation of appointment request received. Not confirmation of appointment, obviously. Confirmation that they have decided a deadline by which they will decide what my appointment is.

The deadline is Tuesday.

NARRATOR: They will not meet this deadline.

The correct formula for establishing the REAL deadline behind ANY deadline issued to you by my GP surgery is:

((Stated Deadline + 7) - (number of days they can claim they weren't open for 'reasons') - (number of times you've called to chase it up).

Don't call more than three times though, or the request gets reset. Presumably out of spite.

Gonna do a work meeting then walk down there and discover how they can massively overcomplicate giving me a 7 digit number to allow me to register for this shit online.

I should point out that during the process of me going through all this, some fucker nicked the recycling bin from outside our house.

I can now report that it is shockingly easy to order a new bin from Waltham Forest council.

I wonder if they'd consider taking over blood tests.

UPDATE: New bin was delivered at about 7am this morning.

Barts hospital (where the blood tests have done) have also already confirmed they're actioning my request.

It is legitimately possible I will get the blood results via the Data Protection Act BEFORE I get them from my GP.

Also Greggs just delivered me a bacon, sausage and omelette bap.

Today is looking less annoying than yesterday.