I asked my year 1 classes
'Who is the person and what did he do?'
Here is my analysis
A THREAD
Alice - 'Boingo the clown - Juggles in the circus'
A large handful of the children groaned because they all thought he was a clown as well. I'm also sure that David Bowie would call himself a clown. Boingo is a fantastic name. Alice added that he runs the popcorn machine. Great.
Katie - 'Jump Start Jonny - on the TV'
Okay, some context. Jump start Johnny runs a yoga and exercise on YouTube and sometimes we watch him in class. J.S.J doesn't wear make-up and if I'm honest, he's quite annoying. Smug little yoga man. The kids love him but Bowie...he is not.
Jack - 'Bolt - Runner'
You can definitely see the link here. He thinks this is 100m world record holder Usain Bolt. If any athlete WAS going to run with a lighting bolt across their face, it's Usain. Textbook showmanship. I'm actually surprised he hasn't done that. It'd be cool
Toby - 'David Bam - Rock and roll man'
Oh my goodness. Toby is so close. I know someone in his life loves Bowie and is trying to brainwash him into loving him also. He really thought about his last name. Squinted and everything. I personally think David Bam is a better name.
Emma - 'Simon - Artist'
In her words - He is french, he paints and he also teaches people. If he is french his name isn't Simon it's pronounced Sìmon. It's also one word like Prince or Chewbacca. But she's right. Bowie was an artist. Wise to point out he taught people. He did.
Mikey - 'Lucy...Lucy - Dancer'
Firstly, he thinks Bowie is a female. Which granted he was very fluid with the gender structure. So kudos to Mikey for picking that up. Lucy Lucy is a dancer. A Dancer for money. I asked 'what kind of dance?' - to which he replied 'Moving dance'.
Ravi - 'Ringo - Musician'
Ravi you are just a wonderful, human. He's so dam close. He's said Ringo because I love The Beatles and talk to him about them. He's probably matching that to the picture. The fact he remembered Ringo made me so happy. Ravi is always making me smile.
Rosie - 'Harry Styles - Face painter'
I can almost see the link. Almost. Although Rosie genuinely believes that he was booked out for children's birthday parties and paints tigers on people's faces. The art , craft and musicianship of Bowie has gone right out the window here.
Wendy - 'King Bao - King of Spain'
He's not the current King of Spain I might add. He use to be. I asked Wendy what happened to him. In her words 'He thought he was cool. Hes not. Gets head cut off.' I'm sure Bowie would find that hilarious. To some, he was definitely a king.
Ben - 'David Attenborough - Movie Star'
Imagine just how out of place David Attenborough would've looked walking through the Amazon but with a big lighting bolt across his face. I do however think that D.A would suit a giant red mullet. The man is capable of absolutely anything
Susanna - 'Roman Reigns - Wrestler'
Susanna has a big family. Lots of testosterone fuelled boys. I'm sure she's subject to lots of wrestling. Roman Reigns is a WWE star. But tbf, in this picture Bowie could pass a wrestler. He's quiet feeble tho. He'd get battered constantly
End of thread
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I asked my year 1 classes 'What do parents do while kids are at school?'
Here is my analysis;
A THREAD
Alice - 'Go shopping and drink coffee'
I can see this in Alice's future. She'd be such a fun shopping and coffee partner. Funny. Lovable. Empathetic. I bet she'd order a caramel spiced latte and ask you about how your mum getting on her with new hip. Alice is all ears for you.
Katie - 'Write forms and use pens'
Life can often feel like a monotonous drag. Get up. Go to work. Sleep. Repeat untill dead. Katie's family run a local business. Prehaps she sees her family working lots. But running a business you love with the people you love. It's never work
I asked my year 1 classes
'If you could time travel, where would you go?'
Here is my analysis
A THREAD
Alice - 'To after school'
Straight off to a belter here. She could go anywhere. I mean literally wherever, whenever (said Shakira). But Alice has decided to use this omnipotence to move, 47 minutes into the future. I took it personally to be honest. My lessons aren't that bad.
Katie - 'So I can go to the park'
There is a park literally outside the school, so, again, Katie also wants to use her power to travel 40 minutes ahead of time. I'm annoyed but I do appreciate and love the innocence of it. Why live more than today? Today is the best we have.
I asked my year 1 classes
'What do adults do for fun?'
Here is my analysis;
A THREAD
Alice - 'Disco Boogie'
She had a glint in her eye with this. Knowing that when she's old enough there won't be dancefloor on earth that could handle her. I don't personally disco or boogie. I more spasm and sway. But throw on some ABBA and she's right. It is fun. A little boogie
Katie - 'Help Children with maths'
It's amazing how we, as adults are perceived. Do they really think we ENJOY going over times tables a billion times!? We're all at work counting down the hours until we get to do maths homework agian! I think she's playing a twisted joke on me.
I asked my year 1 classes
'What's the best thing that's ever happened to you?'
Here is my analysis;
A THREAD
Alice - 'Bubblegum Ice-cream'
The kids genuinely applauded this. As if she was Nelson Mandela on the walk to freedom or discovered the cure for Alzheimers. I can't understand why they're so gassed but I suppose the fusing of two different sweets has just blown their tiny minds
Katie - 'Being born'
Billions of years of evolution and ancestry are responsible for you being here. In this moment. Right now. Giving you complex thoughts and feelings. So why would Katie say something trivial like bloody ice-cream? She's right. You are a miracle. So enjoy it.
I asked my year 1 classes 'What's the one thing you need to be an adult?'
Here is my analysis;
A THREAD
Alice - 'A beautiful dress and a baby'
Step aside Meryl Streep there's a new devil in Prada's. She's a big business woman, juggling motherhood. A single parent because men are trash. But she's got a beautiful dress and knows her self worth. Her baby is already better than you.
Katie - 'Do the food shopping and not live with your mum'
If this is the case, then a handful of my friends are still children. Which again, is absolutely true. Katie is spot on I think. Adulthood is basically just getting excited about a big food shop and not being with mummy.
I asked my year 1 classes "What would you do if you won the lottery?"
Here is my analysis;
A THREAD
Alice - "Get 27 gold dresses made for me so I look fancy"
We kick things off this week with a very specific, very personal choice. Alice loves gold. Also, I asked, the people making her dresses are well paid and have employee benefits. She's not running an underground sweatshop.
Katie - "Buy 1,000 hamsters"
Alright, quick maths. Online it's claimed the average cost for maintaining a hamster is £600 per year. So, £600 x 1,000 hamsters = £600,000. Basically means she's got one good year before a slow decline towards a hamster genocide...very bleak times.