Thread by @AlexPetrovnia

Sorry for the poll everyone. I got panicky bc rural gas stations are inevitable locations for me and I needed a min of hope/reassurance that they wouldn’t always be terrifying. 😔

“Passing” isn’t the only goal and absolutely shouldn’t be! But unfortunately for my rural self it’s often a matter of safety, and I look forward to at least being able to when I choose, personally.

Heading back to a rural place where I did fieldwork a few years ago and faced hostility even before I was out as trans so… I’m very anxious + good vibes appreciated.

It’s almost my first T-iversary and I’m still clocked fairly regularly even when I’m doing my best to pass. Sometimes the anxiety gets to me that I’ll never be able to pass at will for cis, and so will never be able to do rural fieldwork safely again.

I meant to phrase the poll as “how long until you could pass for cis when you wanted to”, but unfortunately worded it badly. It’s gone now, and thanks for all your patience 💜

A thing a lot of my cis colleagues, and even many trans scientists in lab-based fields often don’t realize is that by transitioning, I gave up my career.
I wanted to do sanitation based international development work, and that is now definitely not a safe possibility ever.

It’s still up for debate whether it will ever be safe for me to do fieldwork at all, because my fieldwork is rural by nature.
I’m nearly a year on HRT and it’s not safe for me yet, and sometimes it’s difficult to not fear that I’ll never be able to do fieldwork again.

It’s a very real possibility that the science I love, and even the rural Appalachian regions I consider to be my cultural home, will be completely inaccessible to me forever.
It’s a very real possibility I’ll never be able to go back, and that I’m choosing myself, I’ve lost that.

Today is kind of the first real test of whether or not I can come back home yet, or come back to the work I love.
It’s hard not to be panicky or simply mourn.