at one point in my life i seriously considered offering authentic relating workshops or something in that vein as the job i was going to do. i consistently rejected it and the main reason i could see is the problem with all those workshops is that they end
like you can get together with people for a few days and talk about your feelings and this can legitimately be psychedelic and open parts of you up that have never been opened up before
and then the workshop fucking ends and everyone fucking flies home to their *separate* lives
meditation retreats and ayahuasca ceremonies etc. have this problem too. there isn't a good mechanism for integrating the peak experience with the rest of your life. that's not what you paid for and it's not what you get. sometimes there are zoom calls or some shit 🙄
i sort of regret using the word "trauma" so much on twitter in the past, i ran into friction as a result which i think partly came from assuming "trauma" involves really *bad* experiences. the thing i want(ed) to talk about is more about really *confusing* experiences
confusing as in "what did this mean? was this good? was this bad? which parts of this were good or bad? what even is meaning? what even are goodness and badness?"
gaslighting is a particularly pernicious example because it involves someone else actively trying to confuse you but lots of other kinds of experiences can be confusing. often experiences are confusing when they happen too *fast*
a few days ago i took a medium dose of acid and wrote for several hours straight and admitted some things to myself, mostly about money
let's start here: last august my mom gave me $100,000 for my birthday. i resented her for this and also suppressed the resentment
in january i had the thought that i should "figure out money and career stuff" and then i proceeded to mostly avoid the topic, occasionally tentatively having feelings about it but not in a very satisfying way
then i procrastinated on my taxes
i procrastinated on my taxes so hard i was forced to spend the last day before the deadline mostly having feelings about taxes to find out why i had procrastinated so hard
what came up was "i don't want to know how much money i have or made so i can't tell my parents about it"
in all seriousness LSD is a big part of what led to me dropping out of grad school and i wouldn't have it any other way. there were parts of me that were buried that are important and LSD helped them come out and in doing so undermined all the reasons i was in grad school
LSD didn't change my "terminal values." my personality was a rickety building that wasn't working very well and LSD shifted a bunch of pieces of it. that's not exactly the same as fixing it but i had to start somewhere and that was where i started
you're probably not going to get a lot of crypto rants out of me, but i'll allow myself this one: i think it is bad and misleading to calculate the "value" or "worth" of a coin by multiplying its current market price by how many there are
you might be willing to say that if you own 1 shitcoin and the market price of shitcoin is $1 then you own $1 worth of shitcoin. okay, maybe, i'll just barely let that pass. theoretically you can sell that 1 shitcoin, probably, if anyone is trading at all
say there are a million shitcoins and you own half of them and the market price of shitcoin is $1. do you own $500k of shitcoin?
the answer is that it depends on how liquid the market for shitcoins is; are there 500k people out there willing to buy a shitcoin for $1 each?
reading this made me want to murder somebody. absolutely do not fucking talk to someone like this when they're telling you how angry they are that people don't give a shit about the particular way in which they're suffering
would you tell a woman talking about how scared she is of men assaulting her to stop worrying so much and be less neurotic about it? absolutely no you would fucking not
to be clear, this is not a disagreement with the content, it's with his smarmy fucking tone, fuck you, you obviously don't give a shit about me, don't fucking pretend like any of what you're saying is for *me*