Thread by @iowahawkblog

I can't believe these whiney wuss quitters at the Olympics. Why, back when I was nearly co-captain of the JV bowling team in '83, we wouldn't DREAM of asking Coach Kramergesic to take a breather just because of a severed spinal cord or beheading

BREAKING: Uncle Rico drives van to Simone Biles's house, demands refund, launches into tale of how he toughed it out in the '82 Class 2-B state quarterfinals

Just to be clear I wish Simone Biles well, and to let her know that according to my latest financial records she owes me nothing

Personally I haven't watched a minute of these Olympics, and probably less than an hour of the previous 2. They all kinda seem like a weird anachronistic artifact of the Cold War anymore

For me, the greatest Olympic moment will forever be Gabe Kaplan's stunning come-from-behind victory over Robert Conrad in '76. A-B-C! A-B-C! A-B-C!

One thing I've discovered on Twitter is that mocking people who talk about their high school sports exploits is often interpreted by people who like to talk about their high school sports exploits as my interest in hearing more about their high school sports exploits

*Corollary: you can see this same effect after tweets mocking people who talk about their weightlifting ability or top speed of that one car they used to have

Back in HS I used to bench press my '74 Pinto that could do 168 mph after I put headers and glasspacks on it, but then it caught on fire and crushed my head after my 93rd rep. But did a little crushed incinerated skull keep me out of the big game against Shelbyville? NO WAY

The latest Vegas odds have "cower" as 250:1 favorite, but hey, who knows, maybe ol' Fetal Ball Burge is finally due

https://twitter.com/rolandhollis/status/1420402394068922375