Thread by @hlgriffin

It was another sad moment at the Griffinage today when Pumpkin, a cat who displays higher than usual levels of feline sociopathy, badly mangled a tiny bunny, who was unable to be saved. Paul had to make the final call, which is always a wound to his own heart.

Pumpkin usually goes to "cat jail" after these incidents so that we can either help his prey make a life-saving escape or so we can give it a decent burial.

After a bunny incident, Pumpkin needs a bath. Paul is highly allergic to wild bunny dander.

We encourage Pumpkin to consider his bath as a kind of baptism to wash away his many sins.

He remains unrepentant.

If you know me in real life and are aware of the many tiny hats and outfits Pumpkin wore during the pandemic, you may be asking "Did Heather and Sam baptize Pumpkin?"

The answer is no.

It would not have been a theologically appropriate thing to do, but I see why you might ask

Sam usually helps me when Pumpkin needs a bath, but Sam also makes Pumpkin anxious on top of bath anxiety.

Sam's presence reduces the general clawing, so it's a net gain for me.

Sam was hanging out with friends during this evening's Pumpkin cleansing. I missed his typical commentary about the animal experiments that led to the development of the term "learned helplessness."

The Mind Palace of Sam is a grand edifice filled with cute baby animal pictures and an encyclopedic knowledge of twentieth-century psychological theory with lots of more contemporary Brene Brown quotes to keep things up to date.

He will usually provide commentary on Pumpkin's psychological state during the bath. "He is transitioning from fight mode and moving to resignation. We are seeing a state that looks like 'learned helplessness.'"

Sometimes Sam wistfully brings up the hope that someone will develop an effective EMDR protocol for cats and dogs.

I never have the heart to tell him that Pumpkin is clearly a sociopath and that EMDR isn't going to work in this case.

By the time we are attempting to dry off Pumpkin, Sam will usually be speculating on the attachment trauma that Pumpkin experienced when he was separated from his birth mother at four weeks old

Sam has posited that this early wound to Pumpkin's psyche explains why Pumpkin is so averse to snuggling with Sam who, while devoted to Pumpkin, can be quite intrusive.

It was a less educational Pumpkin bath today, but Pumpkin is now dry enough to go outside. He is slightly less indignant than usual and will still probably like me more than Sam, even though this bath was pretty clearly my doing.

Epilogue: Pumpkin is sleeping at my feet as if I didn't traumatize him with a bath and as if he's not a sociopath.

Sam arrived home & gave me a detailed overview of the history of trauma theory, including an in-depth "learned helplessness" lecture.