Thread by @Kimuzi_

How many of you are in this stage? Are you emotionally numb? Or feeling like a zombie, the walking dead? Lacking motivation, vibrancy and feeling utterly empty. Just existing because deep inside you are dead. "You bleed just to be alive". This for you.

A Thread!.

Sometimes you wake up totally unmotivated or you go to sleep feeling like a loser. You are just existing in this cruel world. Mostly, this occurs at the age of 25-30 but at times might start early. Your misery is unparalleled. Your emptiness knows no bound..

Norman Cousins once said “Death is not the greatest loss. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we’re still alive”. Another philosopher, Werner Erhard, said “Life is empty and meaningless because life is empty and meaningless.” and Topsy Gift echoed it by saying...

"The greatest tragedies in life is not untimely death, but to live a life of emptiness.". What a sad life guys. Do you remember when you were a kid and you were yearning to become an adult? To have your own money and even talk to girls like an adult? Have sex? Look at you now.

We were never prepared for this. You were made the adult you are but this stage I where you have to train yourself. Why ae we then sad, empty and bleeding at this stage?

Listened to such Iris lyrics..
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand"

Anyway, enough with the theatrics, lets be pragmatic now. The main reasons as to why we are sad is because, first, we tend to imagine ourselves as incomplete and "not doing enough". We are in constant denial of our selves. We limit our believes and think we have no hope. We...

...feel miserable and in this vicious cycle of misery, we begin getting comfortable. "Ata nkijaribu ntakua tu the same". That voice inside your head. Validating your sadness over and over again. Imagine if we would mourn a dead person over and over again? What would transpire?

Another reason is Comparisonitis, which is actually bad, the art of comparing yourself with your peers constantly eventually affecting your self worth and plummeting your confidence to an abyss.

You feel left behind in life. "Ntaomoka lini?", is frequently ringing in your mind. Forgetting that there is no timeline or formula for life. The all people in the world can never be the same, we must have disparities. It is life. Deal with it

Others have not yet forgiven themselves or someone or something in the past and tend to hold a grudge, not letting go. It gets heavy on your soul and gradually takes over your life. For others, they feel they have not yet realized their dreams and value in life, not having...

..a clear path in life, you dont know who you are. You are lost in an emotional turmoil and other shit. You feel you are becoming insane and losing it all. It is not that you are depressed(I am not sidelining that), but you are just not you. Lemme give you an experience.

Two months ago, I met three different guys in a day. Talked with them and was utterly agitated. I thought the first one was nuts, the second one a dimwit and the last one was completely insane. As I was taking supper and reflecting on the day occurrences, something peculiar..

..stroke my mind. What if they were not insane and you are the one losing it all and projecting it? That one thought changed the whole narrative. Most people in this stage feel "wanachizi". Such a sad world.

what do you do then when you are sad and empty inside because you will lose it all without a specific coping mechanism? Many of the people in this stage indulge in drugs, meaningless sex, you nut and you are just there feeling like a piece of shit, eating a lot of food, mostly..

...sugary and junks, most masturbate and play video games the whole day like a universal loser, while others sleep, yeah, because maybe you are broke or have limited activities. Let me tell you guys, if relationship problems and finances catches up with you at this stage, you...

...will ultimately fall into depression. These all activities and processes works for a given period of time. Let me tell you, it will never feel the void inside, The hole will still be there in the morning after waking up from a drinking stupor. You will start hating...

...sex and even food because of unhealthy eating. They say when you no longer enjoy sex and food, you have become "bladifakin". You are the epitome of dead inside in another mans dead world. You are no longer alive but you are breathing, get the context?

You know when you borrow from Omondi to pay Wanjiku and then borrow from Musembi to pay Wanjiku, it will eventually catch up with you, right? It just like using drugs and worthless sex, playing video games..to avoid being lonely and miserable but in the long run, you will...

...be profoundly empty and emotionally numb, maybe even reaching a point of no return. When coping mechanism fails, depression and anxieties sets in. This would have been avoided by just facing your problems fearlessly. I have been sober for a long time, and let me tell you....

..facing life problems aint easy but it is worth it. Take control of your mantle, this is not taught in any school, before you become extremely empty to the extent of even not acknowledging it. The actual denial of being empty is being empty, just like addiction.

“Suffering is the only thing that bestows value upon the world. Without pain and misery, life would be absurd and worthless. … In other words, the person who can endure the greatest suffering is the greatest of men” — Nietzsche

We tend to suffer until we get used to suffering. Imagine getting comfortable with suffering? Most of this emptiness again is brought about by finances in the Kenyan system. At this age, 25-30, instead of being at the security stage, we are the the surviving stage. Let me explain

The surviving stage is where we are more of money conduits instead of being reservoirs. Money is channeled through us, you dont have savings. Rent, transport and shopping is still a big issue to you. You constantly think about money because you cant survive without it.

The security stage is where rent and other basic need is a non-issue and you have a stable income and maybe a family. Mostly at the age of 30-35. But in Kenya, you might be at 30 and still at the surviving stage, Sad state of affairs. Never despair though, things might pan...

...out or not. I hate giving hope in an hopeless world, motivation comes from deep within you. What then do you do to avoid apathy? This state of lacking motivation and enthusiasm?

The answer is first loving yourself, being kind and gentle to thyself. Have you ever seen whenever you love yourself first and get into a relationship, it tends to last? Reason, self love. Never go hard on you. Utakufa bana. Always appreciate the little things.

“Man only likes to count his troubles, he doesn’t calculate his happiness” -Fyodor Dostoevsky, from an article. Learn to calculate your happiness. You dont have to exhibit proficiency in everything you indulge in. We make mistakes. Take a break.

“No matter how much you love your work, if you lose total control of your time and freedom to express yourself creatively, you will end up miserable.”
Always know that you will never be content. A month ago, we visited a dam with my friend and we were screaming at the top...

..of our voices as the water fell down. It drowned our screams. That shit felt epic. Take a break and break the cycle. If drugs and sex works well for you, well and good, but avoid it at all costs. Also, avoid gambling at this stage. It adds too much bitterness in your life.

Live within your means. Avoid unnecessary pressure. redefine who you are and align your dreams well. Find love. Find someone who values you. But above all, love yourself.

Travel, meet new people, dance your sorrows away, take nature walks, run, gym, boxing, anything worth loving, because if love will never give you life meaning, then it isn't love at all. Also, always know yourself deep inside. Never get lost in this vicious cycle of emptiness.

I might not exhaust anything, but soon I will be having a blog to tackle such issues, I will keep you posted. Is happiness an illusion? Will you forever be devoid of love? Thats upon you.

“Emptiness is not a great loss. It creates a great opportunity to fill yourself again and again with great love.” – Debasish Mridha.
“Become totally empty. Quiet the restlessness of the mind. Only then will you witness everything unfolding from emptiness.” – Laozi

if you are an avid reader, look at these journals.
goodmenproject.com/guy-talk/empti…

goodtherapy.org/learn-about-th…

reddit.com/r/depression/c…